Some consider me a poet,
a builder,
an artist.

But I'm just a crazy man no one will ever understand

a cigarette is clenched between her teeth
and as she takes a deep drag,
she tilts her head back to exhale
a trail of smoke curls and leaves her parted lips
drifting into the twilight sky
only a trace of its smell is left in its wake
she looks over the edge of the balcony
that hangs over her pool
putting her pressure on her elbow
the blue hues danced across her face
white and blue swim on her skin,
a projection, a reflection
the ashes that fall off her cigarette fall into the pool
and decide to either float or sink into oblivion
the horizon that was once god’s strawberry cotton candy
melted into the dark burnt curtain of night
and as the stars awoke one by one
she took my hand into hers,
and flicked the remains of the cigarette into the unnatural blue below
“come with me” she whispered, breathless,
a smile on her face, a bit more than buzzed
we ran up the stairs laughing,
and i could already taste her strawberry lips
and feel her soft tongue
as night was defeated by light
we lay down to our earned slumber
in the queen sized bed
half covered by blankets and soaked in sweat
as we sink deeper into each other
the fantasies that once filled our mouths
come to life, bursting, drifting, exposed
i would have it no other way

the electricity runs through our veins
and past the street signs we rumble by
in the car you stole, we go fifty above the speed limit,
the roof of the car is the noir sky above
and the midnight rain pelts our upturned faces
the dancing drops of water drip onto our smiling lips
the sound of the sky collapsing
echoes the flashes that streak the sky,
the flickering light casts paved roads with a brief brightness
(as if god were wearing light up sketchers)
the lacy brallette that wears me
gives me the bravery to stand up in the speeding car
the velvet pants that ripple with the wind
drink up the nighttime rain
and the rare headlights race past us,
heading into homes and hearts
the mellow playlist that connects the aux cord to our ears blasts
so loud, we can no longer hear our insecurity
the mascara that once clung to my eyelashes
now streams down my face.
on a two way street,
we drive down the middle
unafraid in the face of direct dangers
so unaware of the towering empty skyscrapers
and instead highly exhilarated
from the street signs we drive by
too fast to read the blocky lettering
the road signs glint, smiling as we wave and reach towards them
the cigarettes you smoked are thrown through the open window,
still smothering slightly.
i can still taste the smoke on your lips
and your hand tucks my hair behind my ear
and as the wind objects and inhales
unreal in the hazy a.m. car trip
the tunnel rushes towards us,
and we both hold our breaths,
as if breathing would contaminate us.
the lights that glint, cast a yellow-white glow
and for once, i see you for who you are
a boy too buzzed to feel
a kid who only felt "sort of"
a person who couldn't heal
and a lover who could never give love

Tell me..

what kind of love tears you to the bone,
what kind of love drowns your beautiful eyes everyday,
what kind of love takes the air out of your lungs and makes you tremble,
what kind of love fills your mind with wars and your soul with bitterness,
what kind of love takes everything good and replace it with questions which makes you even more insecure..

Tell me why you’re enduring all of this?

Darling, this is toxic.
You know that, deep down you know that this isn't worth it, but your heart still has hope. Your soul still desires the love you felt in the beginning.

Breath in and out, gather all your forces and leave all of that behind.

It will hurt, so much, I know, but good comes after evil, and so, your happiness and peace will come after all of these insecurities, all of this pain, all of these scars.

Be strong !

We smoked a cigarette together,
Your eyes were so sad
So lost.
And so, I’d asked you why.
You didn’t give me an answer, but I knew.
The love you feel for her made you this way.

My love,
this isn’t love, not even close enough.
I have seen those eyes before, last week, last month..
Those eyes are hers now, your sadness, your weakness, all of that belongs to her.

You deserve so much more.
You deserve a girl who makes you smile
You deserve a girl who would do anything in this world for those eyes to sparkle, to radiate,
You deserve freedom, love.
You deserve peace.

So listen, love
These words are for you,
You are so much more than this
You are strong
And beautiful.
You are my first poem that I ever write.

Love yourself like I love you.
Free yourself, like I free you now.
Because, love
I’m that girl that stole your eyes, your happiness, your hope,
In love..