Lithium, light boxes, little pills for this and that. I’m sitting here in total fear, is anything gonna work? Pay me this, it costs that much. I was once told happiness is free. How do I satiate the demon inside who wants to **** me. How do I lull him, hold him, suduce him? He never sleeps. The pills don’t feel good anymore, I’ve cut too much and now I’m sore. Starving worked but it’s hard to start. There’s nothing left, I’m torn apart.

Fate I believe is true
Most disagree on this topic
But I must believe it
For my life too sour
To swallow a spoonful without belief
If everything happens for a reason
My suffering somehow preplanned
I can open my mouth and pretend
This bittersweet sadness will end.

I have become so bitter
From having no ones arms in which to fall
When my mind is eating me alive
They say it’s better to have loved and lost
I disagree with this strongly

It’s the middle of December
When my sanity recoils
Like a serpent in a startle
I can’t get my balance right
Threw all my marbles in the fight
I have only one emotion
Careless fear of depth and devotion
Never seem to get things right
Me and my mind in constant fight
There are only a few to remember
Long ago years that went a bit better
In disbelief they’ll come again
I’ve met my fate until the end
A sliver of hope ill find my way back
Maybe in April, when my thoughts aren’t black.

You thought you were a story
In my never ending book
But not even half a chapter
Before you got too hooked
And I’m sorry you got hurt
I really don’t know why?
It comes so natural for me
to manipulate and lie.
My thoughts never seem sinister
And my heart feels in the right place
But I picked you up and held you
With all the care I had
Too soon my arms forgot they were ever even around you.
And you fell like porcelain.
Such a pretty broken doll.

I know one day I’ll meet my fate
If I am ongoing this way I may meet it sooner than later. Most people tell me I should be I should be more fearful. Though my thoughts on the reaper are loudly quite.
Surely I must be scared but I’m also scared to wake up tomorrow and practice my sadness in 7 steps again and ongoing until I really reach my end. I don’t feel anymore, so what’s worth living for, the things that made me happy now are dead, love, hope, little pills that get me through the day. so perhaps I’ll join them forever in death. My love, my dreams, my fantasy’s. I don’t think the reaper is scared of me but nor am I. I Just want peaceful and pleasant goodbye.

My thoughts are tangled hair
This maze I stumble through winter
That Folds me in like bat wings
Until I disappear
To the basement of my mind
Where none of this is real.