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Kaitland Dec 2020
All happiness and unhappiness
Solely depends upon the quality
of the object or person to which we are
Attached by love. My love Is sitting in a velvet green bag full of ashes.
I’m *******.
Kaitland Dec 2020
Winter comes each year with a promise of chaos. Like clockwork I cannot stop it. My mind grows darker and my vision fads till all the worlds a dim lit gray. As a child I recall telling my parents I saw in black and white. Assured themselves I was lying. An exaggeration perhaps, but a lie? No.
October ends and the little things I can control are now controlling me. Like an old marionette doll on fraying strings. By December I’m peering up beneath the water. My reality now darker, like twisted, tangled hair that falls off in large clumps and clog my memory. I forget how to sleep, I no longer recognize my reflection. I’m something different? Pale, tall, sometimes bigger but mostly too small. My bones poke and protrude through my skin, my hips have turned to hooks whose only job is to hold up my *******. I’ve gone mad again. It happens every year as far back as I remember. Just don’t leave me here in the icy heart of December.
Kaitland Dec 2020
It hurts upon the sight of injection
Where needlils pierce my face because I’m fearful of growing older.
I’m light upon my feet because I forgot how to eat years and years ago.
The hole in my heart is full from the holes I put in my brain with pills.
My relality doesn’t measure up to yours because I refuse to make a decision.
You can’t choose wrong if you just don’t choose. So may I bud and never flower.
Kaitland Dec 2020
I’m upside down
Everyone else is right side up
Why I am like nobody else?
Should I shout and scream?
Am I lost in some dim lit dream?
Where convex mirrors cover the walls
Only shows a contorted, twisted version of yourself. Am I somebody else? I’ve forgotten who I am. How to right myself back up.
Am I real? Am I real? Am I real enough to die?
Kaitland Dec 2020
She lays in her garden of memories
Each flower a better day
Each **** a different time
But the problem with memories is
When all hope is lost they mean
Nothing more than a time to never relive again. You can’t warp you’re arms around a memory.
Kaitland Dec 2020
I can’t take reality so I take pills.
I don't know if things will ever be ok again.
I’ve sunk so far I can no longer see the surface. Do you still love me? Am I still here? I don’t feel anymore. I’m not anymore. I float and sink and bob about beyond the surface below the ground.
Kaitland Dec 2020
I wanna look pretty like your girlfriend. I wanna feel fun like her. I want to dance into the night, young and free nothing but your arms and eyes all over me. But from here I peer out though my display case, the glass bell jar that keeps me safe. I’m all alone in here, locked away inside, So prop me up with pills and tell me pretty lies. it’s all I need to be happy inside. Forever yours, dying bride.
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