There are days when words are rushing through my mind, just waiting to be written. I attempted to write about you but words don't seem to add up. They can't seem to find the right positions.

It was all chaotic - the beautiful kind of chaos. I believe that there's a reason why I can't unscramble the words and decipher what I truly want to say, what I feel deep inside.

It's quite ironic how I'm in love with the idea of you, but never with the idea of us. It's a concept that I have never imagined coming together.

Just like words, there are words that are beautifully written, having the most colourful meanings, but they just don't make sense when they are combined. That's how I feel about us.

Do your legs ever hurt
After running away
From all those who care about you?

Do your arms ever hurt
From pushing away
All those who desperately want to love you?

When you told me that you love me
I knew
I knew,
I would love you for a long time
and the entirety of you would leave a mark
in all corners of my heart,
in all corners of my mind.

Perhaps, time was never be on our side.
Perhaps, the universe played us too many times.
Perhaps, we tried too much or we didn't.
But I'll never forget when you said "I love you"
I knew,
I knew,
You're going to be a big heartache.

– apbq, i knew, i knew, but that didn't stop me from loving you.

If I could love
the limping
ugly
afraid
part of me
That I drag through the mud
and thorns

If I could let
the transparent
clawing
screaming
silhouette speak
Instead of kicking it
into the basement

If I could put
my deepest human essence
onto paper
for everyone to see

Then.
Then, I could be free.