you see me stand in pain
you just sit in stare, like well i don't care
you sit and don't help
not even when i'm in pain
it's so hard to believe
all you give is grief
not a shred of care
as if we ever shared
a single thought or idea
how can you sit, how can you not see
i need you, i want you, but you just sit
it honestly feels worse that a hit
no emotion, no reaction, no words ever
why should i have to feel like im always grievin

i want my son to have a dad
but is it the cost, me always being sad
you act like you don't care
you never help or share responsibiity
you never help with shopping,
you never help with mopping
you never help pick up our son
you never seem to do anything but look out for #1
i wish you could open your eyes
because the world you see, your missin
the days, the moments, the hours, with our son

I STAND OUTSIDE MY WINDOW LOOKING IN
HOW DO I START, HOW DO I BEGIN,
WITH WHAT YOU DON'T SEE, A PROBLEM,
IT IS WHO YOU ARE.
WELL MAKE A CHANGE
STAND UP TO THE CALL
YOU SAID YOU WANTED ME AND NOW IT SEEMS AS IF ALL IT EVER WAS WAS A DOOM
TO HAVE BELIEVED AND HOPED, YOU LOVE  
THE ONE WHO WANTED ME, TO LOVE TO HOLD ME, TO KISS ME, TO CARE FOR ME ALL THE DAYS OF OUR LIFE,
WHERE DID HE GO, THAT MAN
INSIDE OF YOU DID HE SLIP OUT OR TAKING A BREAK
OR DIE?

HE JUST DISAPPEARED

SOMETIMES IT'S UNFAIR AND DOESN'T SEEM QUITE CLEAR
HOW TO THINK, HOW TO FEEL, HOW TO ACT
DO I ASK, DO I DARE, DO I BEG, HEAR UNFAIR
WHAT I ASK ISN'T MUCH JUST YOUR TIME AND TOUCH
YOUR LEADERSHIP WOULD BE WISE,
WILL IT EVER HAPPEN CAN YOU RISE
TO THAT JOB,YOU'VE BEEN CALLED
WELL, LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE READY

WHAT'S A FATHER TO BE?
I DON' T KNOW , LET ME SEE.
ITS SAID THEY ARE KIND AND FRIENDLY
I'VE HEARD THEY ARE HONEST AND TRUE.
I'VE LISTENED TO STORIES ABOUT HOW THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO TREAT YOU
ITS BEEN TOLD , THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE WITH A HAND FOR YOU TO HOLD
SOMEONE ONCE SAID THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT
SEE I'VE ONLY HEARD THESE THINGS
IN REALITY I'VE BEEN CAUGHT
IN A FANTASY THAT MEN LIKE THESE
EXIST IN OUR REALITY
SOMETIMES IT IS SADLY A BRUTALITY
TO ACTUALLY HAVE A FATHER,
FOR HE IS JUST A MAN,
WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW,
HOW TO HANDLE HIS ANGER, AND HE LETS IT FLY BLOW BY BLOW
OTHERS THERE ARE THOSE, WHO WANT TO MAKE YOU TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES,
IN SADNESS, IN SICKNESS, THEY HURT YOU,
THEY TAKE AWAY YOUR FUTURE, YOUR SOUL
IT SEEMS LIKE THERE IS NO LIGHT IN THIS BLACK HOLE
THERE ARE THOSE WHO SAY TOO MUCH
THEY HURT THIS WAY BY THE MEAN HURTFUL THINGS THEY SAY,
BELIEVE ME I KNOW PERSONALLY, A LIFE, LIVED, AND LEFT BEHIND,

I have met a man, who is KIND,SINCERE, FRIENDLY,AND ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. MY DAD, I LOVE YOU

:::::::::When head wears a crown
of cumbersome thoughts... confused, in a crowd...
and heaven and earth drop clouds that shroud
followed by roaring thunder and flashes of lightning
God, they are  overwhelming---
we take moments to reflect...try hard not to panic
it won't help, to think we're depressive, or manic,
we know ourselves well...yet, when we feel the end is nigh
gasp, for precious air...try to give out a long sigh,
an Energy leads us, to persist...walk on, head up high...
there's a quiet, sacred place, our heart and soul know,
visible, or imagined quiet space, where we're heard, where blows
a whisp'ring breeze...ripples softly hum, rivers peacefully flow...
our sanctuary waits, a Voice leads us, what to do, where to go:::::
:::::::::::::::::::


Sally

Copyright July 31, 2016
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan

The absence of stillness is time. Time and stillness cannot coexist. Time is never your present for as you spell your very moment, it has already become your past. Make haste or sleep, but do not waste the energy of "unstill", you owe it to Nature.

We lived so long
thinking you were
the body of my thoughts

The beauty mark that I
Loved and saw
As the best part of me

But you were malignant
When I showed you
In the light to the world

I turned you into
An ordinary freckle
That I wear upon my body

The day I decided
You'd be nothing more
Than a blemish in my memory

In January I felt so free
Wanting to explore vast infinity

In February I started school
Ditching classes like any fool

In March I was at work and met you
A man with brown eyes and a gaze so blue

In April my heart did sing
With all the love you did bring

In May I felt brand new
******* for the first time in front of you

In June I was so uneasy
Fearing that you'd up and leave me

In July you ended it all
Telling me you'd never call

In August I wept through the season
Feeling like my life had no reason

In September I regained my strength
Deciding to cut my depression's length

In October we met again
Darkness in your eyes did reign

In November you tried to play with me
But your false words didn't drown me in misery

In December you told me about your cheating
When you found your heart wounded and bleeding