I feel your hands
all over my thighs,
as you rub and caress me
I feel my heart rate rise.
I try to think about something else
but I simply can't be bothered right now...
You're all I'm wanting right now.

You're so different from everyone else.
You light a fire inside of me that can't be put out.
I want to find a way to explain my love for you.
The words that I write, just aren't pulling through.

There are days,
or maybe they're moments,
times where I wish I could forget
I want to have amnesia

I want to start over,
or maybe relive.
I want to push the button,
the one that changes it all

I can hit refresh
There's too many memories
I don't want to recall

stupid girl is me.

8 years since you moved on
It's still so hard to believe, you're gone
I want to know how you're doing,
I want to believe you're somehow around me

The child inside me, often bangs on my heart
She always thought someday we'd restart.
Fate is such a strange thing
I don't know what you were here to teach me, if anything

Maybe it was to hold onto love even, if it's scary
Or to fall into change, I should be more daring?
I could ponder for longer, but I'll leave it at that for now.
I'll never forget you Ossie.

I don't want to listen to music anymore, I'm tired.
What is self worth?
I've been trying but lack value
No one sticks around, so now I'm out too

Scratching skin.
Angry pins,
Frustration hits.
Saddening eyes.
Goodbye signs.
Tired frights,
Blurry nights.

I'm crying,
your hand reaches out from inside the screen,
you touch my face as you reach out to me.
I smile despite these tears you've wiped away.
*I miss you.

Eyes burning as the tears fall down. They're almost acidic, they burn as they slip over my frown.

I tell myself I want to die
Push myself harder until I fly
I'm going so fast,
Don't look up at who's next
to me, I'm too busy
I don't want to see or accommodate
the people I've always pleased
coworkers, family and strangers around me
I will stop smiling at them all
and unwind the ribbon around my
face and body, I'm done
I don't want to pretend anymore
I'm sick
Of not knowing who I am
Because each time I show myself
I get convinced I have to be someone else
For them to love me, to wanna call me,
to ask to see me
they have to need something
so I'm done
I'll keep whispering to myself how I wanna
Cut and run
Just push the button thay explodes it all
and melt into the floor
I hate it

Sinking deeper, and deeper.
Slowly floating under.
Fading away.
Please don't say those things again.
I don't want to hear them.
Don't you understand?
It kills me knowing..
That I hurt you.
I won't let it happen again.
Even if I hurt me in the process.

A wave washes over me
I tell it to go away,
It's so overwhelming
Feeling feelings everyday

I want to relax
But things feel too good to be true.
It's so nerve racking;
Waiting for things to fall through

The space between silence and sighs
It keeps me up in the night.

It's so hard to let it go
What can I say
I'm on my own...
With only my shadow
To follow me, out the door

They always want more
Every time we talk
It's a chore
For me to have to walk
The length they want
It's like they don't know
Just how far
I have to go to meet them
Because all they ever do
Is tip toe a few steps
To try and meet their quest
But for me I have to
Run
To keep up
With who they think
I've become
When the truth
Is in my heart
I've always been
A lone star
Wandering
Everywhere
Trying to find
The answers to fit in
To this sky
Where my family flies
But I float
On my own
Wishing on
The streaks
Of all the shooting stars
Above us
They found their purpose
While I'm left to wonder
Where is mine?
When will I glide
So easily
Through the cosmos
Like my peers
All around me
Soaring so high

I feel like a miniscule dusting
Compared to all these stars
Who are shooting
who believe they're choosing
Their path
But if such a path could be picked
Believe me, I'd have done it

Everything hurts.
My face scrunching up as the tears burst out of me
The lump in my throat that prevents me from speaking
The thoughts I'm forced to face now that feel never ending.

No one thinks the unbelievable will happen,
Until it simply does.
and the responses I have in the moment-
make me feel incredibly ****** up.

Shock is more numbing than the walk in freezer at work.
It's as if I were reading anything, not her actual words.  
I don't know who to blame,
or maybe I do- but that feels worse.

I hate that I hurt you,
and I feel hurt too
I don't know how to fix
All of our issues

You feel used, ignored and angry
I feel confused, used and ignored too
I try to talk about us openly
But you turned into something else

I don't know how I can make you feel heard

My eye lashes are falling out
I never realized how often I pick at them,
Thinking something is in the way
It bothers me day after day

I used to get so many compliments
About how long and pretty they were
But now I see the tiny gaps
Where they've fallen out