Closing the door so no one talks to you
Falling silent when your crush comes around
Waking up in the middle of the night overthinking
Mind running while you’re dreaming
A constant state of nervousness that doesn’t go away
A demanding friend you wish wouldn’t stay
That nagging feeling eyes are on you while passing through
Clammy hands and sweaty glands
And having a repeated conversation with yourself to chill the f** out

It’s back
My unwanted friend
Reminding me I’m alone again
Darkness
Woke me out of my sleep
I’m under attack
You invade my dreams
It is back
The heaviness  
Feeling of impending doom
I don’t know what to do.

I won’t say I’ve fallen but if I did..

It would be the daily hugs and breathing in your scent
The softness of your hands against mine
The forehead kisses that for a moment pauses time

I won’t say I’ve fallen but if I did..

It would be because of your sense of humor
The way you keep me laughing
Your heart for others
And how you carry the weight of their struggles

I won’t say I’ve fallen but if I did..

It would be because of how you look at me
As if you truly care
Those moments have me locked in

I won’t say I’ve fallen but we both know I did

You sent that risky text
Shot your shot as they say
Waited nervously for a reply
But to no avail
An hour passed by and you think
“Maybe he’s busy”
But an hour turns into three
Now you’re sitting alone
In your feelings by your phone
Scrolling social media trying to figure out when he was last active
A bottle in your hand to soothe the pain and embarrassment
Vowing never again

It’s the one thing that’s been constant in my life,
And I offered it up to you.
No one has seen it
No one has touched it
Yet you’ve devalued it with your words
Fumbled what should have been special
I’ll never be the same

Drunk on you.
I waited for you to be drunk on me too
Past the point of sobriety.
Inebriated
Intoxicated of what you showed me
I fell for false words and potential
The intensity
Fake imagery
Failed chemistry
Got in me but wasn’t into me
Couldn’t get the symmetry
I was drunk on you
Waited for you to be drunk on me too

I wish I could kiss your flaws
And wash away your pain.
I wish I could caress your worries
And free your mind.
So in love with you,
I’m so gone off just the memory of you.
All I want to do is love you.
Cater to you
Speak to the King in you
You don’t have to be perfect, I love you for you.
If you let me,  I’d walk through this life with you.
The good the bad.
I have your back.
There is nothing we couldn’t get through.

24 hours pass and I miss you like it’s been a lifetime
No Maxwell
You ushered yourself in my life and I got it bad
Caught up in the mix of you
Your voice gets me weak in the knees
With 26 letters in the alphabet and roughly 1 million words in the English language
The only ones I’m concerned about is you and me

Make it make sense?
When I can’t sit at home
Enjoying my fruits of being alone

Make it make sense?
When I’m now scared to go for a walk
Terrified to even be out at dark.

Make it make sense?
When the only difference is the color of my skin
Pigmentation seems to set others away a bit

Make it make sense?
When I’m scared to even have a child
Soon as he live
America hunts him down to die

I may not be your first love,
But I wish I was your last and only.
For now, I'll settle being your lover and homie.

My favorite moments are when I am in your arms,
When my fingers trace along your skin,
and the only thing my ears hear is your heartbeat and you breathing.

I hope you know you are loved.
There isn't a moment I don't appreciate having met you.
I hope you know you are strong.
There isn't anything you can't do.

You're my safe space.
I feel safe with you,
and I pray, if you ever need it,
You know I am that for you too..

I don’t know if my turn will ever come
To guess if you’re a daughter or a son
I don’t know if we will ever meet
Or if you’ll just be a ghost in my dreams
Words will never be enough to express how much I’ve prayed
No amount of tears will ever wash away the pain I feel cause you’re not here

Until I met you, I didn’t know it was possible to love the very thought of a person.
To feel jittery just hearing your name.
To get excited when I hear your voice
Until I met you, I didn’t know it was possible to have every fiber in me crave your touch even when you upset me
To spend every night praying you love me as much as I
I didn’t know any of this was possible
Until I met you, and you could never be mine.

I’m so in love with you
I think about you first thing in the morning,
and you’re the very last person I think about at night.
You’re the first person I wanna run to when I have good news,
and the person I want around when everything isn’t right.

I’m so in love with you
I write you letters but never send them
Afraid with each word you’d pick apart the pieces of my heart
Shattered with each time it isn’t reciprocated
Doomed to be damaged

I’m so in love with you
That even still
I await the time to see you
Look forward to hear you
Love when I feel you
Although you’ll never choose me
I’m so in love with everything about you and what you do to me