Autumn,
I miss ya girlie. In exactly 14 days, it will be day marking your death 1 year ago. I know that it was hard to live life to the fullest knowing that you could die any moment. But you didn't need to make your death happen any sooner. I wish I was there to help you through it. You were my soul sister. My missing puzzle piece. And know your missing forever. So everyday when I blame myself, I remember that moment when you told me the truth. You and I were walking to your favorite book store. Your arms laced through mine. I was smiling when you looked me in the eyes.
"Indie, I have something serious to tell you," You said with a straight face. I laugh as my mind searched for a funny response.
"I have Leukemia, stage 3. I've been going through treatment but its not working. I could die any day or any moment." The minute you said those words, my smile vanished. I never got to help you do the things you wanted to do before you died. You left your notebook at my house. The black and white one that you never went anywhere without. I looked through it the other day and found your bucket list. So Autumn, I will finish the bucket list for you. I miss you and I know that you're happy now.

I'll see you in the stars,
Your girl Indie

She ran to me.
Broken and hurting.
I held her as she cried.
I promised her that I would always be there.
She was my everything.
And I loved her with all my heart.
But I loved her in silence, because I knew she couldn’t love me until she learned to love herself.
Then she found him.
And soon she didn’t come running to me anymore.
Instead, she would let him hurt her, crying herself to sleep, but going back to him every time.
I won’t break my promise to her though.
I keep my door open, because if she ever did come back, I’d let her in.
I’ll wait.

There are three kinds heartbreak
The first is when someone is reckless with your heart
And I hurts so much because it breaks and shatters
In ways you never thought it could

The second is when you break someone’s heart
Because you’ll never know the pain
Like the type that has you look into their eyes
Only to look away

And the worst kind of heartbreak
Is the kind that comes along
When you have to sit back
And watch as the person you love
Falls in love with someone else

I looked at a picture of us when we were young.
I was 7 and you were 5.
You smiled so bright and big.
Your laugh was like a melody to a song.
You made being happy look so easy.
You smiled as if it was a super power;
Like nothing could ever hurt you.
But you don’t smile like that anymore.
And you barely even smile at the things that used to make you smile.
I miss the little girl that you used to be.
The one that believed in herself and in everyone else that was around her.
The one that knew that she could do anything.
So, I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you.
That I wasn’t there protecting you from the world that made you dreams seem so small.
I’m sorry that they broke you and left you to pick up the pieces of yourself alone.
I’m sorry that you had to fight your battles alone.
But please smile again, Smile one more time.
I just want to see you smile again like you used to.
Because, you deserve to smile again.
Not a fake smile;
But a real one.

I knew a boy who liked to draw,
He drew pictures that no one saw.
He was most artistic late at night,
In the bathroom out of sight.
He kept a secret that no one knew,
He didn’t tell, but his gallery grew.
His drawings were different, he used no paper or pen,
But he constantly needed a bandage again and again.
We stood by the river under the stars,
He rolled up his sleeves reveling his scars.
He felt embarrassed and looked down at his shoes,
I rolled up my sleeves and whispered,
“I draw too.”

remember how you used to look into my eyes with a huge grin on your face.
I would always ask why, but you would just shake your head and ignore my question.
And maybe that’s why I fell for you.
You admired and watched me silently when you thought I wasn’t looking.
I always saw something deep within your eyes whenever you looked at me.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I see your eyes now.
Not for the same reason though.
Because, it hurts.
It hurts that you’re are looking at someone else with those eyes.
Just like you used to look at me.