Take a minute.
Take a breath.
In...
...
...
Out...
...
...
Look around you.
Look outside.
Look at the sky.
Smile.
Smell the air.
Dance a jig.
Wave at a stranger.
And continue on with life.
While contemplating the beauty of simplicity in the world.

Hey Girlie.
Yesterday marked the exact day when you died 1 year ago.
I still wish I could have done something about it.
I feel like its my fault that your still not alive.
******... I should have picked up the phone.
I feel like I'm living a movie now.
I hate being here without you.
I hope your happy now.

I just want to tell you something.
I don't know what hurts more.
The fact that you were in pain and didn't tell me or come to me for help.
Or the fact that we both had mental health stuggles, and you decided that yours were too much and decided to stop breathing air.
We were supposed to get through this together.
But you left me to figure out my problems myself.
So, yeah... I don't know what hurts more.

She ran to me.
Broken and hurting.
I held her as she cried.
I promised her that I would always be there.
She was my everything.
And I loved her with all my heart.
But I loved her in silence, because I knew she couldn’t love me until she learned to love herself.
Then she found him.
And soon she didn’t come running to me anymore.
Instead, she would let him hurt her, crying herself to sleep, but going back to him every time.
I won’t break my promise to her though.
I keep my door open, because if she ever did come back, I’d let her in.
I’ll wait.

Autumn,
I miss ya girlie. In exactly 14 days, it will be day marking your death 1 year ago. I know that it was hard to live life to the fullest knowing that you could die any moment. But you didn't need to make your death happen any sooner. I wish I was there to help you through it. You were my soul sister. My missing puzzle piece. And know your missing forever. So everyday when I blame myself, I remember that moment when you told me the truth. You and I were walking to your favorite book store. Your arms laced through mine. I was smiling when you looked me in the eyes.
"Indie, I have something serious to tell you," You said with a straight face. I laugh as my mind searched for a funny response.
"I have Leukemia, stage 3. I've been going through treatment but its not working. I could die any day or any moment." The minute you said those words, my smile vanished. I never got to help you do the things you wanted to do before you died. You left your notebook at my house. The black and white one that you never went anywhere without. I looked through it the other day and found your bucket list. So Autumn, I will finish the bucket list for you. I miss you and I know that you're happy now.

I'll see you in the stars,
Your girl Indie

i’m happy again
not the happiest
but
happy
i can look at myself in
the mirror and smile
smile
because i’m okay with who i am
i appreciate the beauty i’ve been given
i look at my flaws
and don’t want to change them
they make me who i am
i’m able to be sad
without the consent feeling
overwhelming me
making me feel like i am
drowning in my everyday emotions
i can be with people
i don’t need to ask for
assurance that i’m loved
over and over again
until i drive them away
i can breath
breath in
breath out
only the fresh air
tinted with the smell of the ocean
and my fruity perfume that
i’ve been wearing since i lost her
her
i can think of her
and thank her
for coming into my life
even though she left so soon
i can be happy that i got a part of her
i don’t have to cover my scars
the scars that i made
the ones that people couldn’t look at
they show what wars i’ve fought with myself
but they are fading
and i’m still standing strong
stronger than ever
i can appreciate the life i was given
even though i was a mistake
you can make something great out of one
and my parents didn’t get to
stay around to see me grow up
but my mom did
and she would tell the whole **** world
and i’m the greatest mistake
that was ever made

There are three kinds heartbreak
The first is when someone is reckless with your heart
And I hurts so much because it breaks and shatters
In ways you never thought it could

The second is when you break someone’s heart
Because you’ll never know the pain
Like the type that has you look into their eyes
Only to look away

And the worst kind of heartbreak
Is the kind that comes along
When you have to sit back
And watch as the person you love
Falls in love with someone else

I see the way he looks at her.
Like she’s the best thing that ever happened to him.
But I see the way she looks at him.
With fear in her eyes, scared that he could walk out of her life forever any minute.
I know that look.
When you’re afraid to lose someone that you love.
But if only she saw the way he looked at her.
Like losing her would mean he lost his whole world.

I notice almost everything. And I literally mean almost everything. I notice when someone stops hitting me up like they used to. I notice when the way someone talks to me starts changing. I notice the little things people used to do. I notice when things change, and when things aren’t the same anymore. I notice almost every single little thing. I just don’t always say something about it.

I’m not the girl that your mother warns you about.
I won’t break your heart.
I won’t kiss your best friend.
I won’t make you choose between what you love and me.
I’m not that cold.
I’m not that reckless.
But if you give me a chance.
I will love you more than anything.
I will kiss you when you cry.
I will stand by your side until you decide otherwise.
And even then;
I will still love you.

remember how you used to look into my eyes with a huge grin on your face.
I would always ask why, but you would just shake your head and ignore my question.
And maybe that’s why I fell for you.
You admired and watched me silently when you thought I wasn’t looking.
I always saw something deep within your eyes whenever you looked at me.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I see your eyes now.
Not for the same reason though.
Because, it hurts.
It hurts that you’re are looking at someone else with those eyes.
Just like you used to look at me.

She looks at him, and smiles. She watches him as he laughs and jokes with his friends. He talks about writing and making music with such a passion. She studies him. Each time, she falls harder for him. Not even knowing it. He looks up, not yet meeting her eyes. She gazes at him with the biggest smile. Her smile contains so much love that stories could be written about the way she looks at him. And when his eyes meet hers, He feels absolutely nothing at all.

“Be yourself,”
But then they tell me to change.
“Be unique,”
But then they frown down on all my differences.
“Don’t conform,”
But then they force me to follow their standards.
“Always love yourself,”
But then they call me narcissist and arrogant.
“Be kind,”
But then they tell me to stop being fake.
“Just relax,”
But then they call me lazy.
“Work harder,”
But then they call me too uptight.
“Money can’t buy happiness,”
But then they laugh at me for not being rich.
“Weight doesn’t matter,”
But then they tell me I’m not skinny enough.
“Enjoy being young while you can,”
But then they tell me to grow up.
“It’s okay to be sad,”
But then they tell me other people have it worse.
“Do what you love,”
But then they tell me I’ll never be successful.
“You’ll be okay,”
But then they leave me for someone else.
“It will get better,”
But then they tell me that I’m being overdramatic.
“Be yourself,”
But I no longer know who that is.

Some say that I’m as lost as Alice.
So what. Are you really that callous?

A lot also say I’m as mad as the Hatter.
But if you really cared, it wouldn’t matter.

I’ve also been told, that often my thoughts are in a different world.
Because often time I like to sing and twirl.

A few might say I’m a bit off when it comes to my head.
But I just have a big imagination, at least that’s what my mom always said.

And I’m often in a hurry, so they call me White Rabbit.
But most of the time I’m late, its kind of a habit.

I can also be a little crazy, and often considered as the Queen of Hearts.
But I will also add, I make some wicked good tarts.

But to be honest, I can go insane and smile like the Cheshire Cat.
And when I get no sleep, I can be a brat.

I feel lost and confused in reality.
And it always makes me want to flee.

So, because I’ve spent so long in Wonderland.
Can someone please take me to Neverland?

Your voice over the phone didn’t sound the same
I wondered if maybe your love for me was fading
Maybe my eyes weren't as beautiful to you anymore
I was hoping that you would say you missed me
But you said goodbye instead
I hope this isn't the end for us though
Beceause I really want you to stay

I don't know. Don't
Remember
What it felt like to not remember.
Sunkissed skin like ******
That ****** poems and backward humor could never win. My heart
Like a box of sweet tarts
With messages on them, like:
"Be mine." And,
"Stay with me." And,
"Will you be my Valentine?" Because I
Don't know. Don't
Remember
What it felt like to not remember.
Freckled cheeks paired with lips that have sung
Words I only remember because it stung to not
Remember. Her voice
Barely audible over child-like giggles and my silent praise of her perfect prose that
Fidgets and struggles,
Trying to roll off my bloodied tongue so that she can hear
And know
What it feels like for me to constantly remember
The space her image fills in my temples that trembles and threatens to fade.
Because it's easier to sway me to
Not- want to know.
Not- wand to remember.
What it felt like to remember.

There is this guy I know, I call him Sabby.
He is pretty great.
He is funny and smart, he makes me laugh.
He likes the same music I like.
He asks me serious questions that are funny at the same time.
He is super sweet and I really like him.
Friend or more, I don't know yet.
We are still working on that.
But I still am glad we are friends.
He's the best:)
Love yah Sabby.

She couldn’t see it. But she was the love of his life. He looked at her look she was the only thing he could see. He didn’t want anyone else, he just wanted her. No one would compare or ever be able to love her like he did and always would.


But the thing is, I know that he wanted to be with her. But he was afraid that she would hurt him. So he hurt her instead.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the reason, the inspiration, and the thing that pushed you through some of your hardest struggles. If I’m part of your thoughts that you write about; the thoughts that you pour out into your poems and music.
I sometimes wonder if I matter enough. Matter enough that sometimes the things around you remind you of me. Like when you look at something, you smile because my name is the first thing you think of.
Sometimes I wonder if we’re actually right for each other. Like maybe we don’t know it yet, but maybe we were made for a reason. Made for each other. As if maybe all our broken pieces of ourselves fit together.
Sometimes I wonder if the poetry I write, will ever be as good as yours. If it will ever have as much meaning to it as the poems you write. Through all the pain we went through. As if yours will always be so incomparable and impossible to write and put it out on paper. Through your scars and the things that broke your heart.
Sometime I’m left wondering if I will ever be the person that will cause you to feel loved again. The person that makes you smile because they are the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing before you fall asleep. I often wondering if I ever will be the person that can help you pick up the pieces of your broken heart and put it back together. The person that takes your breath away and helps you breath at the same time. The person that will love your perfections but most of all your imperfections. I don’t know, but I still hope that maybe someday I can be all that and more for you.

I knew a boy who liked to draw,
He drew pictures that no one saw.
He was most artistic late at night,
In the bathroom out of sight.
He kept a secret that no one knew,
He didn’t tell, but his gallery grew.
His drawings were different, he used no paper or pen,
But he constantly needed a bandage again and again.
We stood by the river under the stars,
He rolled up his sleeves reveling his scars.
He felt embarrassed and looked down at his shoes,
I rolled up my sleeves and whispered,
“I draw too.”

someday my kids will ask me
“what happened in the year 2020?”

what didn’t happen?
2020 wasn’t a year
it was a war
a war between society
and mother nature herself
it was chaos
it was a pandemonium
it was when fires grew
higher than trees
burning homes and the lives in them
killing the ones that fought
against it
it was when the bryant
family dreams were crushed
a girl that would never
play basketball again
and a father that would
never get to cheer her
on from the sidelines
or watch her persuade the same
career he did
both never getting to see the light of day again
it was when a man couldn’t breathe
because the same people that are
supposed to save us
also killed one of us
they were white
he was black
making moms scared for
their kids lives
if they decide they ever
wanna become an officer
it was the year a legend died
while making kids think it’s cool to
do drugs
but not warning them about it
until it was connected to his
name on the headlines across
the usa
it was the year riots happened
instead of protests
where people got mad over the death of blacks
but put themselves at risk
not caring about the color of their own skin
thinking it would
make a difference in the
world if we got
rid of those who
serve us during shootings
rapes
murders
robberies and ensure our safety
it was when our president failed to
keep us safe
causing a pandemic
and deaths of families members
and emitting fear in people of all ages
it was the year he also thought it was right
to rip kids from their families
due to the ethnicity they were born with
thinking that it would be a positive thing
to give families trauma and fear for
the rest of their lives
it was when people thought
that letting a pregnant elephant
eat a pineapple that they rigged with
firecrackers would be
okay to do
cause that’s just a “normal” thing
not killing one animal but two
and the hope of many
to stop animal cruelty
the year the world got diagnosed
with depression
because people would
rather risk the lives of their families and selves
to do something without a mask
when kids started to hate their parents
for trying to keep them and themselves safe
and when our jobs became a source of little payment


but that’s not all that happened
it was also the year that
biden became president
putting us out
of our misery and
preventing further damage to
our would and society
they year baking and cooking
became a thing
for people of all ages
bringing kids and
parents together
its the year that people
came together
to make masks
and make sure that
others stay healthy and safe
the year that people realized
how hard and
scary it is to be black
and that you can
be doing nothing
but still have to be aware of cops
and not looking
dangerous or suspicious
its the year that kids who
wanted pets got them
even when their parents
said not in a million years
the year kids got creative
making viral videos
and doing great things
its the year that crayola
launched a new box of crayons
with diverse
skin colors for children
to "accurately color
themselves into the world."
its the year that we learned that
homeschooling is harder than it looks
and finally appreciated our teachers
for all the things
they do and deal
with on a daily basis
while getting paid so little
the year that we came
up with creative things to do with
our friends and family
outside and on zoom
the year we got to make so
many memes and tik toks
about covid that
the rest of the world finds relatable
and funny as well
it was the year we got to see
into the lives of celebrities and
show host while they
give us news and their kids
dance in the backgrounds of
the screen
it’s the year of a lot of deals and
free things because
who doesn’t like making people
smile over the little things
the year we all finally got to
catch up on our favorite tv shows
and spend time
alone and/or with our kids
being able to pick up and finish that book
everyone raves about
and getting up late because
you don’t have much
to deal with
the year the good games
came out and the best shows
became available
the year we all saved money
from not having to drive so much
and by the things we would need if we were living
life normally
and the year that we will get to tell
the best and most unbelievable and dramatic stories
about when your kids have kids, when we have kids,
or just to brag to people about in the future
its the year covid became scarier
than being grounded by
dad for getting a c+ in school
or mom getting mad at you for argue
back even though you didn’t
it was the year everything fell apart
only to bring us together to bring everything together
the year that the worst became the good
the year that no one else will witness and
experience than the ones
that lived through 2020

I looked at a picture of us when we were young.
I was 7 and you were 5.
You smiled so bright and big.
Your laugh was like a melody to a song.
You made being happy look so easy.
You smiled as if it was a super power;
Like nothing could ever hurt you.
But you don’t smile like that anymore.
And you barely even smile at the things that used to make you smile.
I miss the little girl that you used to be.
The one that believed in herself and in everyone else that was around her.
The one that knew that she could do anything.
So, I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you.
That I wasn’t there protecting you from the world that made you dreams seem so small.
I’m sorry that they broke you and left you to pick up the pieces of yourself alone.
I’m sorry that you had to fight your battles alone.
But please smile again, Smile one more time.
I just want to see you smile again like you used to.
Because, you deserve to smile again.
Not a fake smile;
But a real one.

She was more in love with their future
than she was with him.

So she chained him to her wrist,
dragging him through the years
while he admired her handiwork.

Most night
they only smiled at sunsets
because it meant
another day had passed
without a hurricane.

They hugged each other goodbye
It was as if time stood still
Neither of them wanting to be the one to leave
I watched them from a distance
The way she looked at him
And the way he looked at her
But they finally said their final goodbyes
I watched as she left
And as he turned and went the other way
But she turned back to look at him one last time
As if she was waiting for him to do the same
But he never did
She left a piece of her heart with him
And he took it with him

I am from __________________
(a specific item from your childhood home)

from
__________________
(two­ products or objects from your past)

I am from __________________
(a phrase describing your childhood home)

and __________________(more description of your childhood home)

I am from __________________
(a plant, tree or natural item from your past)

whose __________________
(pers­onify that natural item)

I am from __________________
(two objects from your past)

from _______________and __________________
(a family name) (another family name)

I am from ______________and __________________
(a family trait or tendency) (another family trait or tendency)

and from ____________________­___
(another family trait, habit or tendency)
from __________________
(anot­her family trait, habit or tendency)

I am from __________________
(a religious phrase or memory)

I am from ______________and __________________
(an ancestor) (another ancestor)

from __________________
(two foods from your family history)

from __________________
(a specific event in the life of an ancestor)

and from __________________
(anot­her detail from the life of an ancestor)

_________________­
(a memory or object you had as a child)

I am from those moments ___________________
(conc­lude by finishing this thought or by repeating a line or idea from earlier in the poem)

When people break our hearts or when we think our hearts have been broken, it hurts. It hurts a lot. But I think that in the end; it’s us that break our own hearts. The way we see ourselves, and the way we change ourselves so that we are “socially acceptable.” Have you ever thought about that maybe no one breaks your heart except for yourself? In the end we are our own worst enemy, living in a non-ending cycle of dislike towards ourselves. Whether its dislike and hate towards our looks or who we are.  Because in the end; it was all about us and it was all done by us. We inflict the most pain on ourselves.

6 years old.
Bright eyes, purple ribbons flying in the wind,
pigtails, and a toothless smile.
Mirror am I pretty yet?

10 years old.
Ponytail, bobby pins trying to tame my messy hair,
scraped up knees, and a crooked smile.
Mirror am I pretty yet?

14 years old.
Straight hair, form fitting clothing,
mascara running down my face, and a broken smile.
Mirror am I pretty yet?

16 years old.
Purple and black hair in a messy bun, scared eyes,
Scared wrists, and a fake smile.
Mirror am I pretty yet?