I want you in my life
All the butterflies flutter
My cheeks hurt from smiling so much
I want you
You are amazing
Maybe its a honeymoon stage
Perhaps this feeling may last
Regardless I want you in my life
Gripped in all of these feelings and all of the support you've shown towards me
You are amazing.
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I am truly happy at this point in time. I dont know if it's you or if it's due to the light I'm seeing at the end of the tunnel.
Either way I am overjoyed to be where I am today, and you certainly were a part in causing my cheeks to become rosy.

I want this.

I picked up all of your pieces
Helped you heal
Listened to all the stories of your ex
All of what you admired of her
I answered your call at 3am because all you could think of is her and you just had to get it off your chest.

I have you my ear, my care, my heart.
You came to me and pretended to care
You said sweet nothings
Always knew the right things to lure me in
You know I’d go out of my way any day for you

I’d speed to your house because you were sad
I cleaned your room when you had no motivation to move
I accompanied you when you wanted to show people you had a girl

I go on a vacation for 2weeks plus quarantine so a total of 4 weeks
I called you regularly
Texted you everyday
Even though before I left for my trip you ditched me repeatedly
Then said sorry and continued the sweet nothings
The talk of a future with me
And repeated everyday that you weren’t ready for a relationship

I listened and never said anything rude or mean
I was willing to wait for however long it took
I never pushed
I always asked if I was overstepping
If we were still within our boundaries

I come back from my trip
So beyond excited to see you
You drunkenly tell me you love me
I never mentioned it to you because sober words mean more but it must’ve been on your mind at some point
You call me at 5 in the morning
You tell me you want nothing to do with me
You want to go on a few adventures
You tell me about being at a new girls house for the past few days
You ask for advice
I give you all I have
And still tell you it’s ok to call anytime you need something
While I sit here
Completely heartbroken

I sat next to you for hours
Listened to your hurt for weeks, months even
Now you’re smiling
Happy
Sure you have your bad days
But on those bad days you still turn to me and unload all your pain onto me

Anytime I wanted to tell you my pain and heavy thoughts you dismissed them
You’d say awe :(
I asked to call you because I just needed to talk to someone
You tell me you’re busy
You were at her house
I was on the back burner again
No you want nothing to do with me with no real explanation

I gave you my all
I was convenient for you
Now here I am
So hurt
But still justifying your actions and words to everyone

I love you and never told you
But you knew.
That’s why I was easy for you to use.
That’s why I’m sitting here crying and hyperventilating trying to find where I went wrong.
And your out with her not even 12 hours after telling me you didn’t want to talk to me.

I’m so sorry
But if you need anything I will still take the punches you have to throw
I will still hurt for you and take your pain away
And I will still justify you and blame myself

I’m sorry

get lost with me
disappear with me
run far from home with me
stray so far that you and me is all we'll see
forget how to go home
be free
ill get lost in your eyes
you can get lost in mine
give yourself to the earth
give yourself to me
for this moment, nothing else exists
for this moment the future doesnt matter
live in this moment
live for the touch of our hands
live by the gentle breeze
let it carry us away
get lost with me
<3

one day the sun will get tired of the moon
the moon will get tired of the stars
the stars will get tired of the comets

one day the trees will get tired of the leaves
the leaves will get tired of the bugs
the bark will get tired of breathing

one day the ocean will get tired of waving
the fish will get tired of swimming
the boats will get tired of floating

one day the animals will get tired of roaming
the hunters will get tired of chasing
the grass will get tired of growing

one day the ears will get tired of hearing
the eyes will get tired of seeing
your fingers will get tired of feeling
your senses will get tired of sensing
but most of all, your heart will get tired of feeling

one day the days will get tired of smiling
the nights will get tired of frowning

inevitably the end of the world will come
however my world will only end when my smile fades, and my butterflies have flown away
and that will be my end
when my eyes no longer see you
my fingers no longer touch you
my ears no longer hear you
my heart no longer feels you
will be when my lungs no longer push for air
when my heart no longer beats its usual rhythm
that will be my end

I can't do anything right
all you do is yell and make me cry
nobody else gets **** on for nothing
you punish me for trying
yell at me for trying
put me down for my opinions
make me feel stupid all the time
say I'm stupid when I ask for help
compare me to my horrid mother
always put me down
make me really sad and upset
so sad I feel that I'm always on the verge of a breakdown
because of what you say to me and do to me
I can't be happy anymore
I don't know how to be
I'm too worried you'll be upset with me for doing something that makes me happy
and for my fear and sadness,
I lost my happiness
I had to sacrifice my happiness for you
the one thing in the world that I was told that was nonsacrificial was sacrificed
all because you made me believe that
I can't do anything right
you've made me feel depressed...

Everywhere I go I carry hurt
Whether I hurt or I give hurt
Everywhere I go I either get a ball to the face,
I fall, my emotions get played with, or someone has something to say or to Criticize me.

Everywhere I go I give hurt,
I don't mean to
But I do give it
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be toxic

I'm not crying because I fell and got a cut or bruise
I'm not crying because I'm sensitive

I'm crying because I'm losing the fight
And now I'm in fright
Because my demons are winning
And I'm here dying
Whilst still being
A demon to all
Of everyone else

A battle lost.
Demons won.
They broke me down.
Left me here like a cracked egg.
For the king's horses and kings men.
That can't put me back together again.

We're all here,
Trying to get somewhere else,
We fake a smile,
Trying to make it real,
Faking our laughs,
Trying to be funny,
All living for something,
So that we don't die for nothing,
We're all here
Trying to get somewhere else.

Oh how it burns
From deep within
Knowing it's my fault
That I was never good enough

Every time you called me beautiful
I denied because I knew you were just saying that
You gave me hugs when I felt ugly
But mostly to make her jealous

I never caught on
Because I was in love with you
I still am in love with you
More then ever

But I was never good enough
Compared to her
I know it's my fault though

So you mustn't feel bad
For leaving me here broken on the floor
Crying while watching you walk out the door
For my love for you is much more
Then you could ever know

My broken heart still lies within
Still waiting for you to come back and help me fix it
But there you go out the door

Just Because…

Just because I always look happy
It doesn’t mean I am
I’m always tired
But that’s from deep within
Just because I always look happy
Doesn’t mean I don’t have family issues
I’m one of seven children
Because I have 4 parents doesn't mean I talk to them all
Just because I always look happy
Doesn’t mean I’m gay
I stand for GSA and support it
But I’m very much so straight
Just because I always look happy
Doesn’t mean I’m not hurt
My past is a blur with a lot of accidents on my part
I’m bruised and broken from my mistakes
But the past is the past
Just because I always look happy
Doesn’t mean I am
I’m sorry for lying about my emotions, for your benefit
But that’s a part of my story
Just because I always look happy
Please don’t always believe me.