I'm bleeding
So I'm still surviving
I'm crying
so I'm still human
I am still singing
so I'm still living

The silence before the scream

The moment before the tear

The swing before the hit

The loss before the fall

The love before the pain

All have one thing in common

Anger

Each one cannot be taken back

Ever

see this cavity in my chest

this giant gaping hole

shattered shards of stone

litter the ****** bottom

bits and pieces

millions of cold little slivers

look at how the pain and love alike

ripped from my chest

my heart has been broken up

and removed from the huge space

good thing I have some backups in the freezer

As a pansexual/******* myself I take these poems to heart, I may have written these poems, but I'm only passing on the messages. Any hate comments you leave will bounce right off of my rainbow colored sheild. (:





Right in the middle

Stuck in a battle of who to love

not knowing that I had a middle ground to go to

my love of boys strong

my love of girls strong

I couldn’t tell which I wanted in my life more

couldn’t choose

wouldn’t choose

I wasn’t seeing any other options

then I remembered this one

I can love both

because love is love

who cares who you share it with

who cares who you give it to

as long as they give it to

bright red
dripping
bleeding blood

bugs
siblings
annoying
but only sometimes
doing some things right
only sometimes

Come on
move along
go forward
keep moving
see ahead
make bad
better

cut slice
little lines
beads of blood
pain
yet
relief
I don't even know why,
why?

The fabric of my silken dress slips around my hips

The ocean blue of my bangles clink metallically

Rattling my arms to the music

My long, loose hair flies free as the ribbon binding it slips off

My bare feet thump the warm forest dirt

Rhythmically they fly across the ground

The sweet magic

of my dance swirls around me as I swing

the end of my song is nearing

My heart raps against my chest

the final notes soar around me as I launch myself towards the treetops

the last jump of my dance encases me in joy, only the gravity of my landing brings me back

I hit the ground

Then the next song starts.

look around
take it all in
welcome
to nothing worth it
in my new "life"
now I'm stuck
just keep going forward

why
what have you done to me
ruined me
why did I deserve this
I was blinded by hope
hope of finding something real
all I have now
is
dead love

Deep notes: then

Deep notes fill my ears

My voice rebounds across the water

My toes dangle harmlessly into the rushing water

He sits at my side swaying with my notes

The hollow of my swanlike neck

Vibrates with music

The one and only thing I can give him

My voice

This is the way he described me

When I was with him

Deep notes: now

My long legs folded underneath me

My neck stretches as I try to create the same sound

Now the deep notes are deeper

My soul deeper

My voice is mine

The lament of lyrics and notes vibrate around me

Weaving a web of anguish

Never again will I hear

The clean, pure note of my happiness

As I see my reflection next to his in the river

Now I hear my pain

As the images of the trees around me are blurred with tears

Same voice, different beauty.

Beautiful
smart
conscientious
polite
strong
           honestly
do know anyone
perfect?
nope

Lay down your head child

Let yourself slip into dreams of innocence

Sleep and know not

The hate and envy

Something I feel and see every day

Sleep haunted with nightmarish truths

So sleep child

Take your fill now

Because it is not forever

The end is near

We both know

My time with him was cut far too short

Never again will I feel the way he could make me feel

I cannot smile the way he could make for me

Only me

Alone

Until the end

I hate it

The silence between our screams

The breaking glass

The rough terrain

Where you cannot make a right choice

You always slip up

It never really ends

After the storm

The tensions flow underneath

Until the next explosion

set your heart on fire
take the plunge
take some risk
light it
let it burn
allow your common sense
to fly away on the smoke
try the the forbidden
feel the burning in your chest
of young love

The sweetness of first love

Pulls and tugs at your heart

Emotions riling and snarling in your ear

Promises

Eventually

The sweet flavor is replaced with a bitter

Foul

Thing also called

First love

Because it never lasts

The jagged marble of the rock

Cut into my blistered feet

I look down into the swirling roiling

Waves below

Friends sit at the base of the rocks

scream my name

There cheers push me to the edge

They smile and hoot

in excitement for my stunt

I turn and smile

My boys stand behind me

He stands in the center

I know it is a dream

He visits me often in the one place

I am truly ever happy

He pulls me into a tight embrace

He fills me with scents of

Freedom

His lips brush mine and I fall backwards

Tears of pain fill my eyes

It is like losing him again

Losing myself

I will never lose him

Then I wake

before and after

before

girl walking through the hall of her school one day

no one knows her love of girls

her head hanging low

a pain in her heart making her rather die

than be her

after

last night she spilled

now everyone knows her love of girls

she walks down the hall

her freshly dyed hair shining

the colors of others that she represents

rainbow colors swish against her face

she did it in an act of rebellion

now other girls scatter and make a path

none coming close enough to touch

but close enough to hear

they twitter behind hands into ears

only now

she walks with her head held high

Preacher gone wrong

A christian boy

the young age of sixteen

finds his destiny

he loves boys

now he see’s

goes to his mom

a joy full look on his face

thinking

Wow I finally found my place

he says

hey mom I’m gay

the awful woman

slaps his face tears runnin down her face

come on boy get in the car

she takes him to the preacher

for a treatment in religion

preacher says

boy start runnin straight get your head out of the clouds

tells him that he’s going to hell

that is an example of a preacher gone wrong

if you preach hate at the service

if you can’t accept someone

because they can love the same gender

those holy words you have been singing are poison

your sermons are disrespecting god

we are all gods children

he loves us all

it doesn’t matter

so don’t listen to that preacher gone wrong

slowly
waiting
for just the right moment
It’s been building up for days
I need it to explode and release me
all the anger
sadnes
I want to let go and scream
I can’t keep it in
let me the hell out of
the cage I call my mind
I growl and scream in frustration
nothing will happen
so frustrated
I can’t even be me
I just want to scream
every curse I know at the whole world
nothing happens
****

The silvery reflective face of my hand mirror, ringed with twists of silver metal

Distracts me with its simple beauty

From mine

If only I could turn the hands of time

The things I would change

The cruel words I said

Did not say

The sweet words I needed to hear

They never came

So now, I move forward

Stepping toward becoming a person who

Others will listen to

A person others will respect

Still, those words will never come

my Heart is bleeding
dripping hope and all my love
never to be seen

he she me
but he is not her
he loves and hates
he exists
she
she is a play
a game
a costume
but...
no
is me
I have removed the mask
that is me
I am him
I am me
deal with it

I scream for help

Never to be answered

Always alone, I stand in a crowed

Visible to all

Invisible forever

Hiding in plain sight

Will always work for me

But I will never be seen

her
what has she done to me
all I have is a few ****** shards
she stole my heart
and crushed it

Here's to the kids like me
the teens like me
  who can't wear what they want
  because of gender
to the disforic
to the sad
to those who hide true gender identity because of fear
  the ones who dress in the wrong locker room
  need to respond to the wrong name
I love you
      Now, those girls in the locker room who...
  look down at me because I wear boxers and sports bra's
  look down at him because he dresses like them
  look down at us because we would die to trade bodies
    Now, those guys who...
   look at me and see the weaker ***
   look down at him because he loves men
   look down at us because we bind or stuff to look like the other one
                                   *******

I look at him

His hopeless imperfections

And perfections

Blend together to create my forever choice of friend

Unknowingly holding the key to my original heart

Someday he will release it

And this act will end

If we last that long.

As I lay to sleep
I look up at the stars
I think of my heart
and all the things that fill it
the music of the trees
the singing of the birds
the sweet sound of the forest
the whisper of a friends voice
filling me with with joy
I think of the people
who I hold dear
and hum a soft tune
of my past
In case I never wake
I silently thank all those
who truly care
In case I never wake

When I walk through my past

I search and search

and I never find it

The further I go the harder I sob

Once I find it, I can leave

So

I never left

sitting on the roof
watching the stars
listening to the trees
thinking about
her

Poetry that’s as clear as day

At the same time, it is as dark night.

If you have a broken heart

A black heart

A blue heart

A green heart

Read on,

In these pages, you will find relief

If your heart is beautiful, tender and sweet

If

You have never known hate or anger, filled to the brim with love

Stop

Close the book and don’t look back

You will find poison in these words

This poetry is not for you, it will make you sad and hollow.

Unless you are one of many with no heart at all

If you read this, you will soon.

The cavity in your chest will be filled

So reader beware, this is a book of compassion

Hate

Anger

Rejection

Sadness

Beauty

Hope

Heart dripping with green jealousy?

Envious glares shot at those

Who haven’t suffered?

Never.

I watch the blood drip
and
leave a stain upon the
knife
I cry tears of joy
knowing I'm still
alive

All those words
seen as bad
evil even
rude
profane
crude
         one question
why?
they're only words
why fear
what
you can't even see
there just words

thoughts
notes
lyrics
rhymes
everything in between
good
bad
sad
mad
life is good
yeah right

a place
I go looking around
I see no one
perfect
I remove the mask
because it's just me
no one judges
no one hates
but also
no one supports
no one loves
just me
and my mask

blue,sports,boxers,
stereotypes
girls wear blue
I wear boxers and currently am identified as a female
girls play every sport and any sport they want
everyone is different
so **** stereotypes!

Welcome to the middle of nowhere

Poetry filling the air

Screams piercing the fabric of time

Prayers float aimlessly, never to be answered

People just like me

We are all together

No matter how far apart

Our souls trapped together in a cage of emotions

In the middle of nowhere

Every day I force torture upon my mind

I stare into the mirror and cry

I watch the tear slip from my eyes

Down the track of my face

My mind filling with the horror

That I will be surrounded

yet

Forever alone

Except for my reflection

my silly little heart

soothed and hurt

often enough

by small things

very small things

like music

or you

look at my heart
some will say
it's rotten
it's not even there
has it ever even been there?
or it's perfect
full to the brim
no blemishes
                     incorrect
that's my demon
my mask
a gift
and a curse
no one can see through it
no one can touch it
no one can find me

I look around slowly

And try to scream

No noise comes through

Insanity of a

Nightmare I cannot escape

It grips me like a doll

And shakes me

Disoriented I look around

I run not knowing what else to do

My feet take me nowhere

Then I open my eyes

My breath slows

And I walk from my bed

Knowing that the nightmare

Can’t be real, even though I know it screams true

No weight on my shoulders
I'm free
no ropes holding me down
yeah right
I got heartbreak holding me down
I got gender on my shoulders
I got sexuality eating me up
and you on my mind

busted up

my heart crumbles

like a puzzle

lifted from the table

holding it together

now I need a new table

and a new heart

being gay isn't a choice
it's a gift
being gay isn't good
it's ******* fabulous!!!!

I pull one
out
and sink it
in
pulling it across
my skin