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  Mar 2015 Grady Tadman
M Cannon
Everyday I wear a smile,
Paint on a happy face,
And slip on a coat of confidence
That only I know doesn't really exist.

I pretend to remember the good times,
Ignore the bad times if need be,
And wash my hands of all the pain
That constantly eats away at my reserves.

Only I can see the tears that were cried,
The blood that was spilled,
And the lesions that had formed
From the cuts on my battered soul,
But I can't afford to let others
See the aching inside of me
Because if there's one thing I can't take,
It's the pity of those who've suffered greater.

Then I meet those who haven't known a single trial.
Who go through life oblivious to the hurt
That haunts me everyday.
I long to be naive and innocent,
But its one thing that I cannot
And never will be able to obtain.

So I wear my facade,
Determined not to let it show,
And when the wounds I hide,
Manage to ooze past the walls that I have built,
I **** it back in and pretend it never happened
And everyone goes back to their regular routine.

Every day of my life is a lie,
Because I refuse to let anyone see how much I hurt.
They wouldn't understand,
Nor would they truly care about it.

So I just wear a smile,
Paint on a happy face,
And slip on a coat of confidence
That I know will never really be mine.
Thank you.
  Mar 2015 Grady Tadman
Rhiannon Grace
You
you call out my name
when my knees are on the ground
when colour disappears
when hope turns into nonexistence

you call out my name
when you know that i am weak
when you know that i've got nobody
when you know that i'm alone

it's my  name you speak
when the darkness comes again
when rain falls from clear blue skies
when the warmth has gone

it's my name you speak
as i grow sicker
as i throw away my pills
as i cry myself to sleep once again

you're who i turn to
when light is but a memory
when words fail to soothe
and the days drag on

you're who i turn to
in my darkest hours, and when i am fine
before i even try
and when i've given up yet again

yours is the name i whisper
when people asks whats to blame
when they ask what helps
when they ask me what i want to stop

you're the one
i'll never give up
i'll never stop hating
the one that defines me

Self Harm
you're the one
i will always
need.
Grady Tadman Feb 2015
Talking in the mornings before school
Asking him out
Taking him to dinner
Laughing over each other’s jokes
Holding hands during  a film
Giving him my jacket when it gets cold
Kissing his cheek good night
Smiling over a picnic at the beach
Dancing to our favorite songs
Spilling secrets over late night phone calls
Kissing his lips for the first time
Holding him tight throughout the night
Being there when tragedy struck
Proposing in the middle of a middle of a restaurant
Crying tears of joy when he says yes
Telling memories during the wedding plans
Saying ‘I do’ in front of our families
Making love for the whole night after
Buying our own house together
Meeting our surrogate children for the first time
Watching as they take their first steps
Romantic candle-lit dinners for every anniversary
Applauding at our children’s school graduation
Sitting on our deck with our grandchildren running around
Soft kisses as we age
Together til death do us part
If only.
Grady Tadman Feb 2015
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure,
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle,
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
Then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

— The End —