My insides are dancing a nervous jig,
And my toes are taptaptapping the crazed beat.
All the sudden I am six again,
That scared little girl, afraid of being in trouble
But I've been accused
Accused of misleading, manipulating, and lying
To the man I trust
By the man I trust.
A capital offense, I would say.

So I lay here,
Playing the waiting game of
Figgety fingers, tapping toes, and absent appetite
Wondering where I broke your faith
Searching my motives, coming up empty-handed
Lost as to why you'd stay if you believed me false.

How can I show you the truth?

I was just a scared and lonely girl
Who wanted to share a piece of happiness
With a scared and lonely boy.

I am not here to chain you down.

Like the meteorites we flock to the fields to gaze upon,
I don't want to burn out.
But how do you stop the source from getting eaten away
When the fire's already hot and bright?

My liver is getting strangled by my intestines
My stomach is eating holes out of itself
And I'm sitting here in dumbfounded stillness
Wondering
"What's next?"

It's all still here
It's been waiting for me
Since I left it here in anger
This maze of wrong turns and traps
Of mistakes and misdirection

And still
I am no better at solving these puzzles
Than I was months ago.
The uncertainties and anxieties
The mysteries and the caution
Still hiding in the paint on the walls
Hanging on the hinges
Blowing in the sea -wind
They haunt me
Keep me company
Follow me.

Someday it will end,
Inevitable, I was told.

Even then,
Even when all is done and finished
Will I still think of you?


Will you still think of me?

Baby, I'm a thief.
I will steal your sleep
With a word,
Enticing you to shed your blankets
And walk the night with me
Like a demonic Sandman
And we'll do un-Hypnotic things
And un-Morpheus things.
Nyx would be proud.
So scurry away little boy
I will make you so sleep deprived,
You won't even remember your name
And I'll send you off in the morning
With dark circles,
Drooping eyelids,
And to accidents lying in wait for you
Beware of me, love.
I will ruin your life
As I steal your sleep.

Please
Forgive me, and goodnight.

Baby, I'm a shark
I'l blow the cigarette smoke in your face with a smirk
And say the sweet words
So you will shed your skins
With a wink
Like a demonic Santa Claus
And do un-catholic things
And un-Atreides things
Run little girl
I will take bites from you
With a wink
Only the prime rib
The best parts
Cracking your essence like old eggs
To send you scurrying to the next one
To the next house burning down
The next predator
Please forgive me
I am so sorry