Failure is the hardest emotional hurdle to overcome.
It means the end of the adventure,
And worse,
That this particular end is your fault.

Failure means a creased brow, fidgety fingers, and knotted stomach
It means confrontation
And admission of guilt.
Failure means you didn't succeed.

When failure sneaks up on me at night,
Seeps into the skin on my back,
And wraps its slimy hands around my rib cage
When I'm in its vice grip
And I can't breathe
Will you give me CPR?

Tell me something beautiful.
Tell me something that will have me
Sitting on the edge
Anticipating.
Whisper to me
Those tumultuous intricacies
You carry in your chest
Let magical phrases
Flit across your tongue into the air
Like butterflies
Akin to the ones in my esophagus.

Tell me of tomorrow
What adventures lie in wait for us
Where you'll take me
What we'll see

Weave a blanket from the tales of the past
That I may wrap myself up into
While you're away.

Tell me what's good
What's bad,
What's sad
What's bothering you,
Making you mad.

Spill it all
Like the milk our mothers didn't cry over,
Like the blood, a brother's pact,
Like the ink on the page,
Like the beans, as they say.

Open arms, ears, eyes,
I'm listening.
Tell me something, Beautiful.

New beginnings?
Yeah, the universe has a sadistic
Sense of humor.

When I wake up in the morning,
It will be a new day
And the beginning of a new life.

And the sun will be shining.

I close my eyes
Exhale
Disbelief flutters in my stomach
As you drape your arm over my side
Your hand slides up my stomach
And you fingers find my hand.
I think I forgot to breathe.
The air feels full of static
My lungs tingle with the shocks

You pull yourself close
Nip my shoulder.

I think I might catch fire from the explosions
My nerves dance
All the way to my toes
I curl them up instinctively

We lay there, breathing
Inhale
You smell of campfire, alcohol, and J
So delicious, tantalizing,
I want to fill my chest with your scent

You pull me close to you
Breathe in
Ecstasy
I roll to face you
Afraid, hesitant
This could still all be in my head.
Slowly, I look up to meet your eyes
Captivated
Blues, greens, hints of yellow gold
Universes, built of all your intricacies and thoughts

Clinging to you, I am frozen
Afraid of this dream that will end any moment
Scared that you will wake up,
And realize that moments like these
Are dead to you.
But you don't,
The dream continues

I'm staring at you
You're staring at me
Suspended in time, waiting

Suddenly
You're kissing my neck,
Hands in my hair,
Pulling me closer, pulling me in
Surprise meets bliss
And I cling tighter, nails on your skin
Surrendering, I fight to keep up
Kissing, holding, feeling you

We break apart.

Your eyes are wide,
I smile, almost laughing in ecstasy
Your eyes grow intense,
And we slowly, hesitant,
Lean close
And intertwine once more.

Smooth and seamless.
Our bodies remember even if our minds forget.

I am worthless.
Useless.
A failure.
All attempts turn to tar in my hands.
Frustration builds up behind my dam of calm
One more self-loathing thought delivers that defining, final crack
And all composure crumbles.
I hold my breath yet I can't stop the heavy breathing
Anger
All directed at myself
Leaking out of every pore
Every fiber burns
Destroying me
Turning me to ash, waste.
Because that's what I am.

A failure.
Useless, good for nothing.
Lazy, prideful
And worthless to the last drop.
I drop everything I touch before I destroy it
And it destroys me.

Held, warm, breathe it in
Sleeping on the forest floor
Waking up with you