Had a dream about a one-legged spider last night.
Was it me? Wallowing in my own pity. I feel like a fool, helpless.
My only protection is the night, and I've apparently gotten caught in my own web. If you wanted me in my most vulnerable state, here I stand.

I met an amazing girl, and yet again I'm terrified. The apathy looms, and scratches at my head, while I wonder if she will leave me. I can feel the disassociation laying next to me in my bed, telling me to go back to sleep.

I don't want to hold her back. I don't want to be her shadow.
I want be her inspiration, her light. Please, let it be.

I can feel the trembling in my ear, I'm afraid of myself. Worried I'll predetermine the rapture, and have you running away.

As I visualized people in my mind, and wondered,"Who are you?"
I felt a real person within my existence. I felt like a real person even if only for a moment, I felt like one of the others, one of the ones I imagine.
Yet, it's fleeting, it only comes when I feel the deepest sadness, when the rawness of this perception throws me into the ground, gets dirt in my eye.

She is in so much pain, and I can't do a **** thing because I am not real.