and maybe i fell so hard into lust
that you tricked me into believing it was love

criminals go to jail all of the time
for killing&stealing;

and taking peoples lives away from them

you killed me in every way

but i see you
every single day
walking the streets freely

unraveling so slow,
I feel that it's about to fall apart.
and here I lie wondering
if you feel it too.

conversations
shorter.
time with you
shorter.

my confidence
less.
my hope in you
less.

time without you
longer.
thinking about you
longer.

I lie awake
holding something that isn't you,
wondering if you miss me too.

if you missed me,
you'd tell me.
and do you?
not once.

it's 8:00
the long stretch begins
when I help people up
one by one, bringing them back,
helping them finish.
suddenly I can't see straight any further
my vision is forced to bend
and I'm stuck turning the corner.
the only difference now
is those who I helped,
are not around the corner
unwilling to run my long stretch with me.
I run this alone,
much longer than I thought it to be.
theres a wall I'm supposed to climb,
but no one is on the other side to catch me.
I jump off the top.

it's now 8:30*
I land in my bed inside my dark room.
back to the place where most are comforted,
but four years ago this soft bed
felt like knives running across my skin.
days like these I'm not sure how to feel about my old friend.
today I wish we would've walked off together.
and woken up in a different time.

i cant wait until i move on
and i feel sorry for you
because i overlooked all of your god-awful flaws
your temper
your selfishness
your inability to care about anybody but yourself
your black heart.
i could have anyone in the world
but i still chose you
every ******* single time.
and all you will soon be
is a detriment in my past
a scar on my (now dead) heart
a memory that fades but comes back at 3 AM.
maybe now
i will find someone
who loves me
instead of someone
who ***** the life out of me.
you were never satisfied,
even with my once beating heart
in your greedy hands

i'm fine when i can feel someone next to me
when my words lazily roll off my tongue and into heavy air
when someone's subtle and quiet gestures suggest
that i am somebody they like to be around
i'm fine when the world feels warm
from the love that swarms in and all around it

it's the spaces between that get me
the 53 seconds of time it took between
my thumb pressing the "send" button and the reply
hearing the laughter coming from the other room,
but not the joke preceding it
eating cheap dinner alone in my bedroom
while watching my favorite 90's sitcom

these gaps, these pauses, they are the ugliest parts of me
there is not a second of these moments that go by
that i am not wishing for a reassurance, a validation
a reminder that i am heard and noticed and loved
and that i have a purpose here, and reasons to stay

i need to be reminded that i have reasons to stay

I told her there was very little of me left to love,
and with glassy blue-green eyes she replied
*There is enough

I've never believed in love

but how can I explain the feeling I get when I look at you