Some dude named "Dust" would always contact her
"Why don't you just block this guy if he's such a nuisance?" I'd say
"He finds ways of contacting me and he keeps bothering me"
"Yeah, but why do you even engage?"
And she would engage working her little thumbs, amused with the dysfunction.
He was a drug user afterall and incredibly manipulative. I'd hear about this guy all the time and how he was supposedly dangerous and had guns. I'd laugh.  I have guns too and am prone to mental instability but I'm not outwardly dramatic in the fashion he is nor do I really make a show.

But alas, a month or two went by and the relationship wasn't working. I wasn't crazy enough
and when that time came she blocked me.
I reached out one time after and there was no response.
Everybody has a choice, she made hers and Dust is still there in her head somewhere.  Don't be a 2nd

I envy those who cry

I only cry when I'm drunk or high.
I just end up laying here lonely and empty in a literal cabin in the woods where I walk to my **** job to work with other miscreants and talk about dull Netflix movies.
I was a child with dreams. I wanted to be a rockstar before I started to hate what it all means. So I just sleep instead.
I sleep without dreaming
I talk to no one.
I don't even hate anymore.
I just sit like a shell and eat my trash and stare outside.
I want none of this
I just want to lay down for good

Salmon

Crayons

Brunch

Roaches

String cheese
Mm
Mm
We
The
Yy
Sphincter
Bb
Jk
Cc
Vv
Bb
Mm
Dung
Zz
Cc
Vv
­Bb
Bb
Gg
Hh
D's
Rabies
Gg
Jk
Jk
Jk
Mm
Yy
Ff
Cc
Nn
Mm
Mm
Vv
Cc
Cc
­Cc
Cc
Cc
Cc
Bb
B
Bn
Disease
Mm
Mm
N
N
B
B
C
C
C
C
C
C
C
C
C
C
C
C­
C
Disease
Mm
Mm
Nn
Bb
Vv
Bb
Bb
Jk
Jk
Hh
Hh
Ff
Tt
Tt
Uu
Uu
Ii
Ii
­Ii
Pp
Pp
Rr
Tt
Reduction

why do i look up this one girl
from like 5 years ago?

sometimes i'll just be sitting,
on this thing
and go,

'hmm

wonder what she looks like?
probably fat and with kids now''


so i look her up
and it's tumblr art,

and some memes,

and i cry for anyone who ever looked me up - thinking 5 years makes a difference.

Splattered in concrete like decent ommissions
Like ethereal gods
Like rotted pine and faulty seeds
Like withered lungs & crusty pig ****
Like  laughing dogs and cunty cats
Like frolicking lilyhammers
Like ****** bullmen
Like sexless libras
Like tight stewardess *** in the 90s
Like a poptart tomorrow
Like the last liberal
Conservative
Connected to the wifi
Take a stige
And laugh
Why not lol
Ok
   Ok ok
This is like myself

blank

blank
blank
blank
blank


blank

filling up space.


a few strangers--

have a dozen eggs.


I've got no time left,

no dignity--

killing myself in an elevator while
someone
is captive.



going to Arizona,
not the tea.

singing mariachi, in Cancer costumes-
juggling fire,
california heat.
loud,
green,0

no time left--

as though none of this ever
happened

You're only better than me in the sense that you can talk a better game

And only in the sense that you can spread your cheeks wide.
I see through you

Your philanthropy is narcissism in disguise.
You **** in a bush just like rest. I'm taking it back.

You are nothing and Meant nothing.
I am the same mote of star dust as you. Crumbs of death, but keep playing your game.
I'll be here when you've finally seen the glass in its perfect place, cracked

back at home they called me bart and they laughed whenever i'd say the word
jellybeans.


threw up on a bearded hipster gothic hermaphodrite on 2nd wave estrogen and on that
punk rock kick with
a hint of nu-metal

and a tinge of hip hop.

suicided inside the Walmart with one of the leaf-blowers and left the cart pusher to
remove of the carcass
and greeted by a nurse in LA.

haven't lost 33 pounds but am triying
with a steady diet of beans.

pinching my nostrils to look more ethnic.

on the board of racial relations and have received the ID
and now
conducting an interview with a guy in a stone tent in wales next to ****** henge when it reopened last sunday.


you know you're gonna have to go back to work tomorrow
and you're gonna have to put in twice the effort because
Jessica is sensing that you're 'falling behind' and it's essential that you
prove to this firm otherwise and pick up the slack
so these numbers don't continue to dwindle in this high-market season.

got a can of tuna, cold to these
lips.

banana up my ******* up to 6 inches half-way
****** for a day.

forehead is split
and eyeballs are soaked in ink.

back to the strip mall to get a free massage and sexually harass the
glass stand.

'NO.
TAKE MY MONEY AND SPEND IT ON ORANGES.

she cries a lot nowadays,

and I feel bad especially in the mornings,


and love has just turned bitter
but mostly tepid and
indifferent

It's getting harder but easier all at the same time
I stand in a haze; no longer performative
It used to be an act but I entertain the flies like worn out hazards
Maybe the reason you hate yourself is because it reminds you of what you can't have, which included me
& The days of confusion.
I'll go now

Met up with my ex, and I left feeling more alone and isolated. No one person is the answer to your problems nor will they ever complete you.
I'm glad I broke the illusion

outside a car is rolling by and they're throwing big blocks of wood

that sometimes other cars run over

and it splinters

and hits pedestrians and i hear

yelling and cursing

and babies shouting
as the ambulance arrives


and performs the heimlich-


and a hellicopter in the distance is swallowed by angry clouds.


any way-

i haven't been to the grocery store in 2 months-

but i buy plenty of energy drinks at the rite aid and sometimes nougat bars and various
fruits and grains.

i walk out of there
and a woman kind of leers at me, and her dog is lunging at me and i grip my knife--

but it was my fault
because i'm ugly apparently.

then the rain comes,

and i'm stuck for 6 hours swinging my head around and looking into an eclipse

and the *******

all ride ponies while the apocalyse looms ever nearer and


the doomsday horsemen behead a man in istanbul.


the bag of coins
is shiny like fresh tin foil

in a box of mints

Ohhh
too sensitive.

I'm depressed and get told to cut my wrists. That hurt because I have.
I need to stop being an idealist ,
Maybe I thrive on pain but it gets a little old.  I just wanna drift by on good vibes.
Tired of the suspense
I don't need the suprises. Give Me the shot to numb, and in the morning recall your life.  Not a test, just a sad dream

Zzzzzzzz

the guy sits
by        the window       as a car  drives by   and the rain pours gently
on the  street.

he says

'' I'm tired of waiting here'

and then promptly
pats his own shoulder.

the light  dimly  blinks  ,  and fly buzzes in the corner;
mildew collects under the sink faucet,
then in
walks the  nurse.


''I HAVE YOUR PILLS ready MR. DOVER''

''why thank you m'lady''.

mr.dover swallows the pills,
black and shiny.


''ahhhhh  thank you m'lady,  just what I needed''.

The nurses' face remains pulled tight and she nods and walks back out into the lobby where she then interacts with another patient
morbidly obese and frothing,
then the door closes and mr. dover is alone.


''hmmmm,,  what shall I do now?''

Mr. dover looks around and notices a magazine with a CUTE ******* the front. Asian, of about 14 years old, or maybe older; they all look young.

'''AHHHH yesss.''


He then tugs on his 12 inch ***** for some time,

and itches his *****.   the light flickers dimly as usual,
and truck passes by.   A scream is heard in the distance,  and mr.dover times his ******* accordingly;

then without warning,
the nurse reappaears.


''MR. DOVER. I HAVE SALISBURY STEAK FOR YOU?  WITH GRAVY I PRESUME?''

'uhhh yes mam,  yes mam'

She drops the steak directly on his crotch and pours the hot gravy on his belly where it pools into his naval.

''My god! woman! directly into my naval?!! why that hurts!!! OWWWW!!''

''I'M SORRY MR. DOVER.  I APOLOGIZE! I APOLOGIZE!''

the nurse then pulls out a luger
from her back pocket and loads it with a round.  Mr.dover and the nurse maintain eye-contact for about 20 seconds
, before she pulls the trigger and her brain matter is projected onto a market board behind her.

She falls to the floor and a blood pool forms and she convulses violently before all movement ceases within a manner of seconds.


mr.dover, with his gaze fixed at the body is unperturbed,
and calmly spoons a bit of salisbursy steak into his mouth.

He collects some of the gravy and mixes it with the steak and eats it some more.

After he is done, he washes his plate and pats the nurse on the shoulder.

''you had such lovely eyes,
too bad you settled for this ****.   But it was all you could do?''

The door opens,
  and Dover steps out,
then eventually finds himself in the parking garage.  He gets in his green Toyota
and drives off whilst loudly belching from the Salisbury
steak and gravy as the
rain patters     on the   window.

why do you wear a mask?

it it because
you have a face that wouldn't justify the artificial madness?

a pretty,
clean face,
devoid of lines and sorrow.

a coddled existence.

no it wouldn't suit
your
******
*******
gonnorhea
swill
click-clack
that I can do blind-folded-

so you hide.

well I'm right here junior,
and I have everything on the line.

I've long become estranged to the world,


who are you?

I feel like I'm being suffocated by thousands of pounds
of sand,

and all I have to combat it is this
teaspoon.

flick--

flick-
flick


gently flickingg it away,

as I'm eventually consumed by it.


at least I tried,

at least I made a show of

'BRAVERY',

and that's sometime's all
we can do

I'm gonna start excising just because I want to look like a viking warrior, something that hearkens back to absolute masculinity and
where men were praised for being fierce rather
for being nice.

where an ugly face was a sign of strength.

just an illusion that seems ideal.

buff yet ugly,

hideous yet
indestructible,


contemptible but
proud.

****** but not necessarily angry-

more like wise

I ******* everyday
Everyday
Not at work though.usually at night
I watch movies too.
I should start reading again.
I have a really ****** life which persists despite my best efforts to improve.
Systemic poverty and growing up in a household full of ******. I won't make excuses. I just despise you ******* ***** who had everything given to you on a pladder and are still insufferable with your excuses. Fuccbois and Sarahs and Emma's, decay on the excrement pile.
I will succeed , if success is contentedness. Pain can only last so lo g before it becomes your normal.
If your whole life is having your intestines slowly wrung from your body and your testicles desheathed eventually things will equalize.
Hell isn't a state of mind, it's just a nightmare that thinks it's a dream , and I woke up too soon, you'll be there too and with a certain someone

Crying to myself
Men cry more than women you just don't see it.


Stricken by the insurmountable odds and pressures, beaten down by impossible standards and unrelenting
strife and turmoil

I cry more than the average little girl,
You'd just never know. And Im not ashamed to admit it, but it's still my secret

sugar.



the girl with the ******* sleeps with the 87 year old guy with the tumor on his ******* and lesions on his ***.

she sometimes licks the lesions for an extra
$4,506.

and for another $7,054 she'll **** on the tumor-

and for
$23,341 she'll swallow his ***** ***, and choke on his grey curly hair

and for
$86,066 she'll eat his toenails and get assfucked and attached with clamps on her *****.


and for $100,000 he'll finally take a chunky dump into her mouth and she eats it whole grimacing.


all I want for free is just someone to relate to,
or not really

I.  I.  I. I I.
   I. I. I
    
   e L \ <.
   t i m

ee0=ves
  
  e46
i. w was there
  i.  i.   i.  felt
a f0-aint
  zs0-hiver .  whos0-e. room.    luc0-ky 0-horn
4 w0-as
    the0- sun
  .    2. 2  2 2 2 2 2 2 2m.


        wa0-in.   9 9 wha0-t was

   0+ 0 = -0
-2 = =3-  
-0

i rolled
over


and i felt
it licking my face,

then it crawled up my neck
and into my nose.

it was slimy

yet smooth at the same time

and the taste of ****
seaped into my esophagus.


and as it sat in there for a few minutes

i felt the eggs
begin
to pulsate
,

and the tingling
from the hatchlings

as they began
to skkitter from within.

and as all this happened
,
i continued to lie,
almost compelled
to see this beautiful miracle play out.


and then i brushed my teeth

and went to bed a second time

and had a glass
of grape cider
and she nestled beside me and told
me how
i was going to be a great husband--

and that her babies were
strong
from the milk

and kisses.

milk and kisses
always
and always

I got a 25 cent raise.

I'm gonna buy
bubble gum

and mac and cheese

and a pellet gun to shoot geese with.


I like sunsets in Greece while it's still cold.


I sit in the apartment
and peel paper from the walls and write

GOOD over and over and over again until the whole wall is filled.


25 cents for surgery on my head.

a glass of juice,
citrusy and good

and a ***** to ride when i'm hot.

25 cents
I like death.

i am death

and i am rotting
death as i die

everyday 1000 times.

my final form

....

valiant art

rose on an  a leaf  removed by 3  pinches.  
  heard of the game
called emaculate tension

or no rouge
   for  Thursdays.


squashed on
a stick   in august heat and running up a dried-up spring to maybe call on your ghost .

My dreams are  dead , But sitting here gets boring

I have never felt worse. The pain is so intense. I can't write. I don't want to write. I can't compose. I don't want to compose. Art has failed me. Life has failed me. I have no feelings. I have finally died. I am truly dead. Nothing matters anymore and it likely never did. I can't believe this is it

.

syrup

whats your address. I found you yesterday. play by the sill,

cut it up now. babe,
hens in a row,   fish -bat carnival.  ''2 will do''


So I wrote a story about some guy bob and he didn't want a noose


shelled out a 40$.  thatll **** you for an hour -

I love it,
love is like  a  dark glass zoo

there's a guy at work who just says his name like a pokemon would
and it's ******* hilarious.

HAMMEEED

HAMEEEED


HAMMEEEDD


I AM HAMEED I WILL GET THE SALAMI
THANK YOU FRIEND
HAMEEEEEEED.



smells like diarrhea in a gentle rain
and looks like a turkey after gender reassignment surgery
while having an ******* in an October blizzard


but his tongue is  grey
and so is his hat

HAMEEEEEEEEED


HAMMEEEEEDD.

dumb ******, but his hat
is grey
so I don't judge
and he
picks up worms for cheap when he's still ******

arguing with someone.


really just arguing with myself.

bought
a pack of

sardines
and fed them to the frog
for free.


still think
i'm losing a few hairs,
oilly follicles.

i'm better than them.
better than them

.
better,


walking barefoot.


she's pretty-
but young,
therefore
just
pretty.


and i blink twice for you when you've given up on me.

stay longer

Go away i don't want to work I don't want to wake up
I dont want to brush my teeth, shower, comb my head, climb into a car and drive for an hour.
I dont want to talk, I don't want to smile, I dont care that you broke up with your girl, I don't care that you're dying, we're all dying.
I don't want coffee, I don't want ciggarettes, I dont want alcohol, I dont want acid, I don't want head in a bathroom stall, I don't want a sandwich nor a massage,
I dont want sunlight, or sound, or
Love, or hate,
Or compromise or
Sorrow, or ridicule or saturation of my soul.

I want you to stop changing me

so I see
you can buy a human rib for $8 on amazon,



it kind of appealed to me for a day,
then I realized that it's likely some poor farmer from ecquador
who died
at 36
from complications from his untreated polio.


where's the edge in that?

just picking on the weak,

picking from the weak--



it'll never
be a heart of Queen Elizabeth,

or the tongue of an African Warlord--


always the losers,
left to lose more,


expected to give more,

expected to be happy about it.


I'm happy about
this

silence right now

The next day I decided to go to my friend Pat's house, I practically lived there and even had a bed in his room, why his family tolerated it I don't know. But I'd be there around five days out of the seven - it was my sanctuary.
"Yo Pat, I'm coming over"
"Ok, seeya in 15" and I'd be there in 15.
And he was also of legal age to buy alcohol which I still couldn't at that point; he always bought me all the Mickeys and Steel Reserves I wanted.
"yo Pat, can you get me some *** ****?"
"That **** again? Alright be right back"
And he'd go out and get it for me, why I don't know considering he rarely drank.
And he had a cool hookah set-up which I'd buy the flavors for so I think that was the trade-off. We smoked that **** for hours, and got horrible nicotine highs and were basically asthmatic after inhaling all of that vapor, but it was something to do, and we'd even invite our Turkish friend over, Babook.
Babook thought he was black and liked to argue hip-hop and would quickly wear out his welcome but he provided some amusement we thought.
"KANYE WEST IS THE GOAT OF RAP NO CAP FAM"
He would say all these phrases that in 2012 were very corny and try-hard but now are part of the youth-vernacular
"bro, Babook, what the **** does "GOAT" mean?" I'd say.
"The Greatest of all time fam. And he is, Kanye slayed with that Dark Twisted fantasy fam, and don't get me started on Graduation fam"
Fam, fam, fam, fam, fam, fam. I hated him.
And he would tug at the hookah and spill the coals on the deck like a ***** and Pat's dad would inevitably come out in his drunken slumber and yell at us.
"WHO DROPPED THE ******* COALS ON THE DECK? YOU PUNKS, CLEAN IT UP!" He would yell while wobbling around and then would stick his wineglass out.
"PAT, FILL HER UP. I'M HALF-EMPTY"
"Dad, you drank 3 bottles today"
"****** FILL IT UP *******!" He'd yell, with his big inflamed tomato nose, and greasy pores which oozed out all of the alcohol from his system.
Pat filled the glass to the brim and it started to overflow.
"AND DON'T HIDE IT FROM ME YA LITTLE PUNK OR I'LL KICK YOUR ***" he'd finally say while wobbling back to bed and sleeping like a corpse in 2 in the afternoon. I felt bad for him. He'd had a hard life. He lost his wife early, or Pat's mother, so I couldn't blame him. He was a very funny guy too for the most part, but his drinking was out of control.
      Eventually Babook got bored and decided to leave after dropping some more coals, and Pat's dog George skittered out from the corner. He licked my toes. He was a pitbull but a big *****. He'd get taken by Ryder, the little rat-terrier chijauaja every night and it had changed him I think. But George loved scritches on his head, and he loved biscuits of which I gave him plently. I ****** on my berry hookah, and he chomped on his biscuits.

was at the supermarket buying blueberries and some frozen pizza

and then I decided I needed some salt as well
so I went to that aisle and
happened to be where the bread was too
so I got that

and a few more peaches,

and a slice of beef, loose shoe,

and then an apple and pear

and some gushers and milk and cheese and eggs,


then I went along my way, to the self-check out,

and it flashed into my eye and my eye started watering and I cursed it for that.

it was a sunny day-
so I drove straight to the cemetery and had a picnic
with dead people

I awoke to my neighbor pouring cement in a pothole in my driveway.
He gave me a ciggarette and he asked if I've been ******* all day because I woke up late.
I chuckled and said yes twice, and we talked about the guy across the street who has loud *** with a ******* and I finished my smoke and gave him an AK round I found since he has a large arsenal. Then
the other neighbor Andrew with his meaty calves and who is a 7th day Adventist started approaching.
I said I didn't want to talk about stocks and went back to bed.
Now I'm drinking coffee. Now my day is almost over.

he was standing in the shadows wearing a skirt with a black bag over his head. in the other corner of the room was a mouse ******* the blood from a frog and eating a cornflake. Grandma then walks in.

''SO I HEAR YOU HAVE THE SPECIAL?

WHAT WHAT IS IT?"

'not today madam,
not today''

''WELL *** YOUR ****
******''

and grandma walks away
and sits on a beehive where her ****** is consumed by fire ants
and detritus
material.

James
rides on a floating peach into the sunset and the moon kind of smiles
upwardly
to him,
but in a condescending manner like how the school nurse would treat you upon
showing her
your gouged eyes.


LAUGHING
LAUHGING

TRA LA LA LA

TRA LA LA LA


vladimir putin is ****
with his
beer gut,

Trump --

well I'm just throwing that in to be 'CURRENT'--

hillary is in a bush

more ''CURRENT STUFF''

to be 'hip'

and 'with it Y'ALL''



in my room tugging on a ****
watching home movies
from '92
still breathing

but not really sure if I'll make it.


better days are ahead

cant

think of it now


as you lay

in dusty
mist

and mountains surround your head
like a

granular headset.


prying these eyes open in the morning


is a wonderful dream
when you have money to waste,

mostly your stockings are still wet from the juice on the counter.

haven't smiled in 2 years.

laughter is just laughable at this point.


dave is your ***** and I knew it all along--

but I still sit at your altar when you pray to other holymen.


am running on steam,


and am slowly losing my cool.

COOL.

cool

cool


cool.



houdini never needed a crowd
just
the attention

woke up late again

suffering somewhere close to you.


breezy and cool yet still wear these ***** sleeves.

cars and their occupants are angrier than ever-

everyone, including children
and animals

and old ladies at the store selling chocolate

are all angrier
than I remember.


could it be me?   but I've long since given up
hating
things because they exist

I was in love with a feeling.
It was intoxicating and removed me from the state of despair and suffering I was entrenched in. It was relief, it was distraction, and now I'm back where I started.
I'm a little wiser but so what.
I'm a little older too, and I'm running out of time..
I can't keep making the same mistakes

Next to her breathing
A stranger in this life
So little to hold on to,  I hear the bells ringing across sullen plains
Nothing to lose, abiding with time
I scratch your back because you scratch mine
Barely human, updated hardware, software clinical ,
I wrap my cold hands around you.
Warmth which dissipa t e s and love which slowly dies

.

I rub myself but really have to **** and the bathroom
is a good 6 seconds away.

the ham sandwich is floating somewhere

as I wash it down with milk and honey from store bought EBT deciphle handouts in raining cartoon imagination
cinema.


have no more friends since the last one I killed gurgled and told his mom.

had to **** her too-

she's sitting in a toaster oven--
at least her toes,

such pretty toes.

and such pretty eyes.

well.... they're....


nevermind.

nevermind I didn't tell you nuthin.


anyway the cool dude with the afro at work gave me like 4 dollars in tips so that was nice and he said i'm cool and that we should get doritos sometime and **** eachoteher's testicles just for the exchange of body heat and ****** fluid for extra calories which is good for health.

I declined but he's cool.


and then it's morning and you're staring into a mirror, and father time is crying in a corner as you talk to yourself and pity
your life and your dreams and your haphazard plans and commitments and lovers
and friends and obstacles and condolences
and prayers
and meaning and existence,,


and you become whole as the madness settles somewhere in your amgydala
and kisses away the fear


all of it for good
all of it for good

all of it for nothing

it's an odd feeling knowing that I will one day indeed finally end my life.

It's nice knowing that there is some finality, so I have no need to worry.
I just wanna say a few more things
before I go.

Probably the same things a 100 more times then I should be content

Birth day
Ordered a pizza
Sat in a bath
Walked to a rocky hill
Spoke to my siblings and parent
And am now watching a show
Gonna lay down
& Get drunk
Then wake up tomorrow the same but
Older

The pain splits my head open
& My heart spills out of my gut

Greedy gelatinous slithered eyes stab at me
& A duckling yellow combover with grey tongues spit at me
"No time off"

I turn off the device and go back to bed; the fuzz in my head lingers but at least now I know I wasn't crazy, just
sane

the outside
world
burns as i sip my juice

and crack my knuckles in the

silent air.

i'm not selling
nothing,

not 'speaking' to anyone,

nor walking in other people's shoes,


just doing what i do
because i like to suffer,

and the 'hustle' is for people who want to get somewhere,
to be
wanted to
be adored,

to be fed
grapes in bed
while being stroked
by hairless men.

i'm happy
right here,
and
y
ou can find me over there,



WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY


over there


where not even a mouse skitters

this eastern european chick always sqauts next to me in an alley

at like 12:03 at night when i'm smoking a ciggarette
and it always makes me uncomfortable

but they have no familiarity with american spacial barriors or common neuroses.

and i'll say something like ''
hey''

and she'll nod and say something back in
polish but proceed to stare at her phone.

and i edge away about 2 inches
and she'll scoot ever closer.

and she doesn't find me attractive because i dress in a black poncho and wear an eyepatch with spikes on it.

then i'll flick the **** away and stomp it in the dirt and she keeps scooting closer
and closer

and closer

and closer
to something
until she
dissapears completely in the shadow that overhangs the streetway littered with bums

and fresh cut lemongrass

while wolfs howl in the rolling hills

I used to care and be cautious
But now I just really wanna impregnate her or someone.
I'm sorry child, but suffering isn't too bad, it's the living you have to worry about

clockwork oranges
kneeling to an apple in the Sahara.

taking a bite out of a ***** pancake in some strip mall

drinking the whole milk
whole.


sighing on afternoons.

cradling a cat in the evening
while spinning a top.


virtual reality
head set
on an infant.

getting up at dawn to feed the worm.


taking out an ad in the newspaper
that never coms around any more.


looking at people in the eye


.

slowly walking away.


tattering this spirt. ----


Into a door that doesn't open

Avante garde in the sense that meaning is an accident
If I shot myself now
I could only wonder if you ever truly loved me
Or if it was conditional like everything else,,;

some guy
said '' your stuff is really good-
thought provoking,
intersting, kind of funny''


but then I hear something by the meat cutter at work
that's a lot
more
interesting ,
and kind of funny''

and I feel stupid.

really ******* stupid ---

and he doesn't
even care to have an audience

pastor in the glass
and the fro - curly
like Qausimodo.


jumping up with the witchcraft and the girraffe;
no Greasers here
but the fleas
of the patron
persuasion


who done it?  
who done. it

like an AR15 on a freeway unloaded on the
gypsy
crocodile

loading my head up with lead
I've been dead

I killed the cat

I hung up my mat

I'm like dreaming excursion.

2 is 2 many but 1 is never enough

especially when there's no hash browns on the plate,  ya dig?

It doesn't matter how many poems you write,
and how amazing they are,
ultimately it's all about context--

who you were, and what you represented in that generation.

were you ugly,
were you fat,
were you poor,
were you rich?

did you eat bacon?

did you brush your teeth?

did you smile at children?

did you watch cartoons?


did you flick your testicles 6 times a day like the dr
reccomened?

were there vitamins?

did your lines read like an old Windows XP?

did your lines cause people to spontaneously combust?

do old people enjoy your work?

do mothers hate you?

do people look away in horror?

do you like any of this?

or was
it all just a waste of time

and something to
do because the sun burns your skin

and the beaches close after 5am