i had no idea what love was
until it disappeared
or the joyful sound it made
until silence was all that i could hear
or the beauty that it held
in a single tear
i had no idea what love was
until love disappeared

i had no idea what love would take
until it was gone
took apart this wanting heart
left behind this weary soul
would i have let it get this far
if only i had known
i had no idea what love would take
until love was gone

I care too much.
About what you say,
It keeps me up night and day.

I love way too much.
I keep giving to you,
But your gifts to me are few.

I think way too much.
All the loud thoughts,
In my brain tying knots.

I want too much.
For your attention,
For your praise and consideration.

I wake with the sun
In hopes of meeting you.
thick with pasteurization,
you have the probiotics I crave.
Chilled from your Frigidaire home,
all you need is a stir.
lumpy and unsatisfying,
homogenization is the goal.
I mix tirelessly until nightfall,
praying for your smooth texture
At last,
it is mixed.
or so I thought.
your betrayal,
clumpy.
It leaves me hurt,
and hungry
I must mix again.

Why do you come here small bird?
I have no food for you,
you trust me, with all of your feathery innocence.
yet still, you do not understand.
I am broke.
and a bird too.

You walked right by me
I pretended not to notice
not to make things awkward
because even now
I still think of you

I didn't see if your eyes
tried to connect with mine
but I felt us connect regardless
walking away was all I could do
to avoid the intense feelings held

I can pretend my heart doesn't sink
when I think of you; mind, body, soul
I can act like I don't see you first
when I walk into the room
or like my feelings are buried deep

I'll be anyone you want, love
but I refuse to ever be the one
who loves, hurts, and cares more
because my heart can't handle that again
so I walked by you and said nothing

alone in an atmosphere
of
what if's
maybe's
and
could've beens
i don't belong here
what wrong turn
have i taken
when did my
smarts
betray me
why did i settle
for less
than what
i know
i am worth
the losers
the degenerates
the downtroddens
embrace me
for being
the same
and i've reached the low
of low
the lowest
of lows
and still
i cannot
will not
accept
that i am accepted
into this familiar
of the unfamiliar
lifestyle.