As I push inside
I could feel a sigh

I put it all in you
And my all grew

But you feel nothing
Only that I am crushing

I slowly withdrew
I put my world in you

I know you could walk away
I know you could do it today

Don’t know what's inside
Your interior has dried

You say your insides are hollow
But that I cannot swallow

Because my pores are teeming
Dripping of love that's screaming

I try to fill you up
But you leave yourself shut

Trying to reach you
Walls pushing through

You’re like an unsolvable riddle
when I touch you in the middle

Empty eyes I see
You do not greet me

Not offering your bodies gem
I swore I would never again

Until you loved once more
Till to me you opened the door

I fear I ****** myself to a life
of no touching middles with my wife

                              Defective words

If 20 plus years ago I had 2020 vision
Into the future would I make the same decision?
I married you feeling this could not be wrong
With 2020 vision would our love last long?

3 years into our life you chose another
I pleaded and begged while you stayed with your mother
You chose me because I fought with all my might
and stayed with me again, I got to hold you at night
If I had 2020 sight of what would take place
Would I do it again if that couldn’t be erased?

8 years in we said hello to our baby girl
It changed our hearts she is a pearl
She was perfect there is no other I would pick
Little did we know that our little one was so sick
If I had 2020 sight of what would happen
Would I change any of my actions?

11 years in we said hello to another
Our hearts expanded we wanted to smother
If I had 2020 sight then
Would I do it again?

20 years in you were diagnosed with cancer
5 surgeries later and chemo was the answer
Holding you hand while they pumped it in your veins
Crying with you as your hair fell out clogging the drain
2020 sight into the future would I still do this?
All the pain I could then miss.

Now it is the year 2020
My pain I’m feeling plenty
Knocking me to my knees
Because you said you no longer love me
A cut that cannot ever be sutured
If I had 2020 vision into the future
Would I do it again?

If you knew me then you would not have to guess
My answer to all of it is unequivocally yes
                                    Defective Words

Something has to change
I thought we were forever
But now feelings are pained
Not even sure if whether

We will make it to June
How are you ok with this?
At night to be spooned
By love that no longer is

I told you to stop saying
What you don't mean
Not cool to be conveying
What can no longer be seen

I love you and this you know
But I stopped saying it outloud
I feel like this you are owed
Hide it away and enshroud

You were my forever
But things have changed
Now the pain will never
Feel foreign or strange

            Defective Words

Last night we lay in bed, I asked her under a code of honesty
The request was a reach because opening up isn’t her policy
If you had the Flashes power and could go back in time
Would you marry me when we were dumb but in our prime

I could feel something going through her head
She paused for a long while then said
“In my heart of hearts I say yes” pause “But I don’t know if I would”
My insides were screaming but I held it in as hard as I could

Frankness is so rare and in no way want me to hamper
What could be said to not discourage the candor
She is willing to talk so out with the mystery
I asked, “what can I change so you don’t alter history?”

“it is *** and your obsession with me orgasming, you want it to much”
“And now the things you shared is on the gay side not just a touch”
I will admit I think about *** and my mind is filled to the brim
I asked, “if you found someone that doesn’t want much *** would you have married him?”
Both of us staring into the dark she said “Yes”
Insides are reeling but I keep it suppressed.

18 years ago by chance I ran across an email from her lover
I fought for her when she almost left me for that other
Winning in the end, I have never fought so hard
But would she fight for me I choose to disregard

All I could do was rejoice
But I was the easy choice
We were already married and if she stayed with him then it would have wrecked another
She didn’t want to be a home wrecker because the other was married to a new mother

She rolled over to face me. Said “I need to sleep now” Kissed me and said she loved me and was sleeping soundly within minutes
I lay with eyes wide open. The candor I asked for caused pain beyond my limits.

This morning when she waked all was usual
She walked around naked and was so beautiful
Though hurt I kissed her and smiled not wanting to be a ****
Got dressed for casual day, I never wear a hat at work

But when I saw the bed post and saw my new ball cap
What are the chances of this crap
Coincidences can be so caviler
Blazoned across the front was “Time Traveler”

I threw on the new cap but pulled it off when it didn’t fit
I stared at it remembering I never got to wear it
At the store she took and wore it the rest of the day
She is fantasizing about a time away
Defective Words

This constant itch
Is quit the -

I just want to give in
To what I shouldn't even
Think, but I do day in and out
So I hold in this piercing shout

Oh just to give in to it
But lives would turn to -
So I hold on by my finger nails
While my insides wail

Oh this constant itch
it is quit the –

Defective Words

You chose till death do us part
Together we have walked through fire
But I know that I’m not in your heart
You look at me with no desire

There is no more of me in you to pour
I have given all of me though I know flawed
Nothing left of this shell, I have no core
Just skin pulled across bones for the facade

Defective Words