she claimed that she was sadness
but i never understood why

in my eyes,
she was a firework display on repeat

she was a sky of infinite stars
and even when i knew it was impossible, i couldn't help but name each one    

she was the feeling of a heart beating,
the song i could never stop singing,
my lungs filling with air
only to have my breath taken
    
and she was cautious,
always careful with me
like the way she was
with her favourite novel

and i tell her that i didn't mind
having wears and tears
i didn't mind being folded
i didn't mind having
my spine broken

because i was hers
and i didn't mind being
an open book

but she was always so tender

and i loved her so much that
i didn't mind the dusk
that accompanied her dawn
because both were beautiful

she was beautiful

so when she said she was sadness
i didn't understand

but if it was true and
if this is what it is like
to be sad,

i never want to be happy again

shut them out,
clog my ears,
I cannot listen.

the words,
they attack me,
choke me,
wedging themselves within my core.

I cry,
I scream,
I take those words as truth,
and drown as they push me,
past the deepest darkness.

but as I hold my breath,
I tell myself that
even though I may be a wounded gazelle,
I have the heart and will of a lion.

and somehow,
I poke my head out of
the web of pain.

though the words,
continue to float around my head,
taunting me,
prodding my nerves,
I remember that
I am a lion,
and I will perservere.

the last time i saw
the way you smile at me
i wept and i wept

I can't erase the past, but I can change the future.I can't make the scars disappear, but I can make them fade.I will pave a new road of memoirs starting today.