I tried my best to break the silence
But you refused to listen
All you did was leave........repeatedly
EVERY TIME
Every......*******.........******* time.......
I try to make you realize what is going on
But you just......do not care

So why should I

I shouldn't

But I ******* do

I do and all it does is hurt me.

And if I leave you I'll hurt me
If you leave me you'll hurt me
If I stay I'll hurt me
If you stay you'll hurt me

So no matter what

It
Still
Hurts

So I'll just sit here and let my soul fade and my heart continuously burst to pieces
While your presence or absence will mock me
And I'll just cry
And hurt
On the inside
And suffer

Because I know before we fell apart, I tried myself, to keep us together.

*"My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one that shot me"

There was many a time I just sat in the corner of that old quiet room.
I loved it there
Just locked up away from the impurities of the world
Playing with the shadows and the imaginary friends of my ever so free creativity
Not knowing that they would soon become my worst enemy
That they would corrupt my mind and expose me to what I was hiding from for so long
I did not dare question it though for the fact that I feared of delving ever more into the darkness

After years that old room turned into the pigs sty of a ******* thirteen year old..who was me...
Always getting yelled at by his mother for wanting to be male and not his biological gender
Always getting hit for being pansexual and falling in love with everyone
Always on his phone and computer
Sending out many corrupting things and plotting many horrid deaths
But never to pursue his nightmarish dreams
Of blood and clowns and killers and laughter
The blank faces and blood red shadows staring at him through the mirror
Always hearing a blank whisper saying his name
His twisted thoughts now playing games
Making him...aka me...seem more insane.

Years from this present time
He...or me...will be alone in an apartment
Almost broke and in college
Trying to fulfill whatever far fetched dream I managed to dream up
But I won't still be okay.
I will be more alone then ever before
Allowing the dreadful shadows and imaginary friends that haunted my childhood to come back and corrupt me again
With no one to help me
Or hear me scream

They call me childish but I laugh with these eyes
The crimson tears that once flooded the skies
Always being looked down upon as if I'm Satan's child
The struggle is real and I don't know why
I'm just an innocent child who just wanted to survive
Fighting the tough battle that'll lead to his demise
Being weakened for reasons only god knows why
Stumbling on ever twig that he passes by  

But why...

I just wanted to live my life
I didn't ask to be stuck beneath these skies
But what does one expect from an orphan in disguise
Blooded tears leaking from his broken eyes
If only they knew the truth
The pain I try so hard to deny
Calling home a box in the street
Curling up in a ball trying to maintain the heat

This life...

I would reach out calling out for mom
But mom is gone probably getting high again
There goes my lunch money dad was kind enough to give
Too bad papa don't want me refusing to take me in
He knows mom is an addict but he just looks at me saying I'll survive
Ha I'll survive after I starve to death
Because I have too much pride to be on the streets begging for money
Only for it to be used for my mother's "food"
It ain't my fault my parent's abandoned me
sigh why this life gotta be so hard


I didn't...

I'm so weak I can't complain no more
My legs feel like rubber and my stomach continues to growl
I can feel my life span shortening searching for a sad relief
It's the end for me, god please set me free
I crawl in desperation settling for the crumbs I find on the ground
Look at me pathetic
It's sad how life did me so wrong

ask for...?

Who would dare ask for this
I just wanted to be a normal if you know what I mean
I want to yell at my parent's saying I hate them
Knowing they still love no matter what
But that's not the case for I
The child about to die leaving his cursed why's
But why this life I didn't ask for?