I'm doing a little better lately
but I got these habits
I can't tell my mother about
This summer
I learned
  how to develop a tool for engineers
  to like the taste of beer
My life is a list
  of    disappointing lists
  of a disappointing life
when did I start buying whiskey
when did my friends start selling ****
when did my life become my life
  I never really get a chance to understand myself
  I often wonder when I learned to      hate myself
I've been doing this for too long.

happy to nonfunctional
    one eighty degrees
I go from blazing fire to
    a mid-July freeze
my mind is doing fine but
    my body isn't
living instability
    this isn't pleasant
wearing a blindfold at the
    edge of a great cliff
misstep, suddenly falling
    I could use a lift
I start a day rock-solid
    by the end crumbling
smiling and laughing but then
    alone and trembling
Can you explain me to me?
Can you explain me to me?

Don't you know I am a mirror?
But my handlers didn't handle me too well
Ignoring fragile this side up,
They dropped me on my head
And naturally, I shattered
Had I been alive,
I guess I'd now be dead.
A shard of me is trapped in Charleston
Caged in by a terrorist
Hatred and racism rattle the bars
What the **** do they mean
When they insist they do not see it?
My broken shard shows a murderer
Protected and escorted by the police
And isn't that the most ****** up part?
My broken shard shows a murderer
Protected and escorted by the police
And no one can tell them apart
I've forgotten the names
I've forgotten the faces
I've forgotten the number
of people of color killed
by cops in this ******* country
Because there have been too many
And a new soul joins the list almost daily
I don't remember their faces
But I see them in my shards
How do so many white people
Think it isn't our fault?

The monster in my ribcage
Is trying to claw her way out
again
Carelessly crashing against my heart
Denting it, scratching it, breaking it
again
I didn't ask for a demon
But it's not like she wants me
alive
How does the darkness in my mind
Make its way to my chest to
abuse
In a room full of people
She always makes me feel
alone
Gripping my heart and haunting my mind
Images of dying
alone
And I guess it's no wonder
I always find drugs to
abuse
Please never ask me
If I really want to be
alive
She controls me
Shaking my bones
again
Call her a disease, call her a monster
She owns me
again

I didn't even know
How good my heart felt
Until you froze it with your words
And drove an ice pick right through it
Because I swear I knew how to fly
Just a moment ago
When I thought there might be something
But I guess there must be nothing
This frequency is killing me
Your signals keep getting mixed
Clarity
Is what I need
The underlying truth
Hiding beneath your waves
Why can't we just say
Why can't I just ask
Why can't you just tell me
Do you need me
My cracked heart craves you
Do you hear me
I hear your crackling sound
We could be something
But you guard yourself
With freezing words
And the sharpest ice pick
I've ever felt