Melancholia 1 2 3 4
All of my sisters of disasters
Some messier some not
It's a calling
it's a fall
It's my insane heart down the floor
Here are some prototypes
Of better versions of me
I could be less this
I could be more that
I am just bare and bruised
I'm waiting for a hand
1 2 3 4 and so many more
Some green monster with sharp teeth
Wishing to be closer than unique for thee
For someone
To be special
To be loved
To be seen
As ugly as pretty
As wise as silly
As devoted as selfish
Oh God I cannot breathe
I cannot tell
More words to choke my truth

I don't want to say it

Every word that I write is so twisted
Around my neck
1 2 3 4 and some of them they hate me more
They shut me
They hurt me
They protect me in their own way
It's a calling it's a fall
It's a aching it's a wall
It is loving and not at all

Cut me here cut me there
Dissect my spirit

Holy and hellish
Pure as dew on blueberries

Everything is dying
How long will I drag this ghost everywhere behind me
It should be dying
All of this suffering
All of these thirsty words
All of these hopeless gazes
All of these empty hands

And this dereliction
Always reaching out for something
An echo or a king
Someone to burn the mess within
Someone to dance in the blood with

Someone who can understand that there is nothing wrong with me

I am only full of emotions

I can walk on thorns with a smile on
I am only devored by personas who all want to be lived
And it's demanding
And it's exhausting

I want to express everything
I want to pour this all out
I'm a river
I'm a volcano
Of passion
Of tenderness
Of frailty and strength

Some soul they feel
Everything multiplied
By all the people inside them
thousand times much worse
Thousand times much more beautiful
It's heavy like a stormy sky
You cannot hold my rain

you're no pain
you cannot understand
You're not in pain
How could you understand

I am so alive
Every feeling **** inside me
Who could understand
That the stars crash in my spirit
And I hear too much
I never rest
I feel too much
I hardly ever rest

Melancholia is made of the spark of youth
And the wounds of knowing
1 2 3 4
You cannot choose only one
I am every version of me
I am not a nice book to read
No one can read me till the end
I am not a kitty to cuddle
Sure these are things that I can be
I keep saying I'll be home
I keep saying I'll be safe
I keep swaying in the dark
For some peace of mind
burning old and useless pieces of mine(...)

...If I love you...

Feathers all fallen grey
I slowly learn to Fly
Again
This is how I am
This is who I am
My spirit clearly senses
Harboring delicate thoughts
Some things I often thought myself unable anymore
I burnt all the white sage
To purify the Energy
Let it go now Let it go away
All these somber silhouettes like dead crows
Around my head
Inside my heart
May they fly higher nevermind how it tears my soul apart
I will live on
They say if I love You
I love myself
Thus I learn to cherish my own Multiverses
Nevermind the misunderstanding
I know why it is so hard to love myself
This is how I came to the world
Maybe also parts of my previous incarnations
I have been taught again and again
About the precious release of Loving Kindness
When you kiss the depths of Forgiveness
You keep falling down the mountains
To the same grounds and dreary gardens
Because it's here
There is something to learn
There is something to burn
White sage
chanting chanting chanting
Shamanism healing
White Light coming from deeper inside me
Unlock my Spirit Now
If I love myself

I love You.

(inspired by Rumi's words)

You are me and I, you.
If we are of the same kind,
Why then do I see colours,
Where you see only black?
If the sun shines equally on both of us,
Why then does it leave me happy at night,
And you sad?
We’re from one progeny,
Why then do you feel so lost,
And I with a clear path ahead?

I hold my ears keen
Keep eyes opened wide
But can't solve the riddle
Of who's on whose side.

Today Tom heaps praise
Showers laurels too many
Tomorrow hell is raised
Tim is Tom's enemy.

How fast makes Tom amend
Finds Tim full of flaws
Pete is now his friend
Tim Tom unfollows.

He digs out wrongs of Tim
Finds him crooked and sly
So inducts in his team
Pete the nicest guy.

I can't hold back smile
Though at end of wit
How friendship is volatile
Sour turns a relation sweet.

I wonder why it's so
With life such a brief ride
We never really grow
Feel the need to be on same side.

Was I not beautiful enough
Or you don't find me attractive anymore.
Was I there to humor you
To laugh and make merry.
Or anything for that matter to you.
You called me your sweetest memory;
How we would walk hand-in-hand
Your fingers in mine.
And just a touch, like a wand
Sent shivers down my spine.

When I stared at you
With all the love
Your eyes talked to me.
Your gaze ever-convincing.
And then came those big promises
Which made me trust you
And you alone of all people.
You liar!
You lied so beautifully and conveniently.
Always knowing that I would be back
When you shed a tear.
Even while I am trying to control mine.

Are you crazy, crazy are ya?
You kept on repeating.
The same self who once said
We were like-minded.
And crazily enough
You pushed a dagger
Into my throbbing heart
Which is still bleeding.