Whenever I feel the world against me
I hear your voice inside me
I remember I felt stronger I felt defended

Whenever I could speak my mind
How couldn't I realize that with you
I could have finally been me
I wish I had trust in that Freedom to be
I wish I had known this was real and you were no enemy
I wish I had known
we could have found ways to share our solitude
without choking each other's space
without having to be someone else
without needing anybody else

It's not merely the possible endless questionning
That I loved with you
But the hope to find the answers somehow
together as a real team
You'd gotten my back as I'd gotten yours
We would have been able to get all the pleasure in our mind
only to dive in each question
not just for the answer
but to be in this together

We wanted the same I said many times it was not enough
You were more than enough
Any of other girls would have married you
if they had read my amazing list of the best of you
sure if if they had been able to bear with the worse of you

We would have been able to see deeper
disagreeing with peace mostly for the better
Loving not in spite our differences
but because of them
Knowing we were only at the threshold of this quest
knowing that the Guardian at the Gate might have been reversed for a sign for a pause
But the door was just there
Maybe blocked maybe locked

I miss the simple things
When I did not have to think
I miss being able to make you happy so easily
I miss seeing that special smile
And I never admitted that you were right I couldn't help but twisting things
This is how I am
These are all my doubts
These are all my fears tangling around me
I lied so many times
My fear of Bliss is real
I always comfort myself in aloness
I always thought having equating not wanting anymore
I feared of what was next
When you got the key to your quest
I just could not live
I just could not live
me and my fears of dying

I miss breathing in your neck breathing under your shirt
where I loved to hide myself
I can't describe how much I miss your scent

If I poured it out it won't bother me
I've got nothing to lose
For we is already lost
You've already done your best for me and you given me your worst

But maybe you were just a soulmate
we weaved silver threads to our spirits
You brought me all this learning
You made me feel beyond the yearning
I mean now I could live without this need for loving

I could live loveless if you could just hug the friend in me for eternity

I used to always been in such a state of emergency
With you it was always a question of life and death
I always chose death as a coward
I thought I would never have borne your rejection
God it's insane I am the queen of Drama and the wise Healer
God it's insane I know so many things but never was a keeper
I tried way too much to make you hate me
Oh God it was so easier much easier

Maybe all I needed was time that you freely granted me
As you let me go
And sometimes I wished to be missed
And sometimes I wished to be healed

Maybe this was the most absurd we could have lived
God we did not live a thing
With all this love we did not live a thing
There is no right answers to all of this
I should have let enter freedom and faith
I should have let enter acceptance
I only miss talking to you this was precious
And I made a mess of this bond
Your words your distance can still hurt me
But I only trust that you'd never play me
You would just tell me stop writing to me
Let the Past die and go , live

...If I love you...

Feathers all fallen grey
I slowly learn to Fly
Again
This is how I am
This is who I am
My spirit clearly senses
Harboring delicate thoughts
Some things I often thought myself unable anymore
I burnt all the white sage
To purify the Energy
Let it go now Let it go away
All these somber silhouettes like dead crows
Around my head
Inside my heart
May they fly higher nevermind how it tears my soul apart
I will live on
They say if I love You
I love myself
Thus I learn to cherish my own Multiverses
Nevermind the misunderstanding
I know why it is so hard to love myself
This is how I came to the world
Maybe also parts of my previous incarnations
I have been taught again and again
About the precious release of Loving Kindness
When you kiss the depths of Forgiveness
You keep falling down the mountains
To the same grounds and dreary gardens
Because it's here
There is something to learn
There is something to burn
White sage
chanting chanting chanting
Shamanism healing
White Light coming from deeper inside me
Unlock my Spirit Now
If I love myself

I love You.

(inspired by Rumi's words)

Touch me my soul make the words roll over my skin
Only if you know how to write to me my angel my kin
I am not waiting for a mask not either a disguise
Open your veins to me
Let me read in the red waters on my lips
Let me read the words, free me of the words
in any possible way
may the rain down my eyelids
may they kiss my legs
Make me laugh like a springtime morning
A soft laughter that tears up the skies
Those who gives shivers and marvels
send a shiver to my spine make my head spin
feed on my sapiophile soul
more never stop or only to make me miss you
only to make me deliciously pine for them ever more
I am tired by the dalliances I want the four season muse
You are so right I am the demure sylph
Inured by the tar black clouds and the tempests
so delicate with those thin dragonfly lyrics
It's all made of your sighs and your caresses
One day perhaps you'll have your own epiphany
You will call me Marie and all of my other names
You'll use your precious eloquence to tell me
How we were meant to be
Resonate like a familiar sound snowing in my mind
Purifying the emotional landscape
NOW is the time even if there's no hurry
Haven't we lost enough time to be without one another
Every of my names no matter my dress
They will all adore you as bitter as sweet
I'll be on your ego like a caress
I will read you like a sassy poem
Like an impatient flame
You'll be the one who dares to be frail
You'll dive in my treasure and get out of the bitter sea
Together like a team united for the beauty of the worse(...)

I'm a chaos of Truths
I'm a violent lucidity
Who are you who are you
I sometimes cannot stand what I see
Can hardly believe it
I cannot breathe what I can comprehend
It stings way too much sometimes
You're walking with a bare heart and scars
Naysayers are going to feed on scraps
Where are my sisters where are my brothers
A sense of community a peaceful belonging
I whisper loving kindness
You can call me Brave *****
I stand for my beliefs
I stand for my lonely hopes
You cannot **** this
You can only scratch my soul
She's already full of scratches you know
And I will be stronger
Vulnerability says all of my power
Of course I cry
Of course I bleed
For everything Human
Without and within
Could we be kinder to others
Could we open up better
With heart wouldn't it all be easier
Tell them this is my biggest truth
Tell them the warmth that I know
Humans wake you up
It's a revolution
It is time now for little more compassion
We all need words companions
For the sleepless nights
For everything we've got to give
For all the passion we've got to pour
For all the sparks that needs to burn
Let's rekindle our sense of Humanity
We are more than all these new boundaries
Could we hush the ego sometimes
Could we lull our pride sometimes
If only we were all able to sense more
To walk in others' shoes before speaking filthy mouths
If we were able to care
If Love could heal a bit of this nightmare
Could we become better persons
Will we try
will we stop living in denial
will we go past all of prejudices
You can call me Brave *****
Talk about my tortured mind and my silly hopes
It is all that I feel
It is all I that I can see
All that I know and that I understand
It would be easier if we were all more tender(...)

Melancholia 1 2 3 4
All of my sisters of disasters
Some messier some not
It's a calling
it's a fall
It's my insane heart down the floor
Here are some prototypes
Of better versions of me
I could be less this
I could be more that
I am just bare and bruised
I'm waiting for a hand
1 2 3 4 and so many more
Some green monster with sharp teeth
Wishing to be closer than unique for thee
For someone
To be special
To be loved
To be seen
As ugly as pretty
As wise as silly
As devoted as selfish
Oh God I cannot breathe
I cannot tell
More words to choke my truth

I don't want to say it

Every word that I write is so twisted
Around my neck
1 2 3 4 and some of them they hate me more
They shut me
They hurt me
They protect me in their own way
It's a calling it's a fall
It's a aching it's a wall
It is loving and not at all

Cut me here cut me there
Dissect my spirit

Holy and hellish
Pure as dew on blueberries

Everything is dying
How long will I drag this ghost everywhere behind me
It should be dying
All of this suffering
All of these thirsty words
All of these hopeless gazes
All of these empty hands

And this dereliction
Always reaching out for something
An echo or a king
Someone to burn the mess within
Someone to dance in the blood with

Someone who can understand that there is nothing wrong with me

I am only full of emotions

I can walk on thorns with a smile on
I am only devored by personas who all want to be lived
And it's demanding
And it's exhausting

I want to express everything
I want to pour this all out
I'm a river
I'm a volcano
Of passion
Of tenderness
Of frailty and strength

Some soul they feel
Everything multiplied
By all the people inside them
thousand times much worse
Thousand times much more beautiful
It's heavy like a stormy sky
You cannot hold my rain

you're no pain
you cannot understand
You're not in pain
How could you understand

I am so alive
Every feeling **** inside me
Who could understand
That the stars crash in my spirit
And I hear too much
I never rest
I feel too much
I hardly ever rest

Melancholia is made of the spark of youth
And the wounds of knowing
1 2 3 4
You cannot choose only one
I am every version of me
I am not a nice book to read
No one can read me till the end
I am not a kitty to cuddle
Sure these are things that I can be
I keep saying I'll be home
I keep saying I'll be safe
I keep swaying in the dark
For some peace of mind
burning old and useless pieces of mine(...)

It hurts so bad like a vulcano that keeps calm but just want the lava to cover it all
to swallow the core
vanish
disappear
be a breath
be a feather
I loathe all the ivy of this hell
I wish a " pretty girl" could be enough to light my pages
but so many sighs are unwritten
I am sieving the tiny gleams in the aching paper
I am shielding my words
holding my tongue
taping my mouth and my wings too
choking my soul for fear of being loved for fear of being hated too
numb and bleak as hell like the title of my heart book
I take credit for every spot of blood for every scar
it is all mine
Even the rain
Is it such a piece of cake to fly away from your own claws
Yet I don't want to die so let her torture me ad libitum
so I am never approach
ed
so I am drifting
on the ocean of nothing
knots and pieces of mirror
there are so many thorns under the coton of my dresses
when she asks for something
does she want to save me
I doubt her words
I doubt her face
Even her eyes can lie
There is nothing to read between lines
I am fallen from the nest
licking my wounds in the corner of my room
unable to breathe willingly
Everything is artificial and mostly hurtful
If only I could be a fool again maybe you would read and laugh more as we turn the pages(...)