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Katie Oct 2021
I lost this game long ago.
I lost the moment I considered it such.
Your heart was far too pure.
It matters not if I have to endure
Seeing her smile raise you so.
My words were a crutch.

You were always here,
and you always will be.
I hate that that's not enough.
My love is unrefined, far too rough
to lighten the sun and make skies clear.
I'm far too blind to see.

Love is hard, but beautiful.
My heart is blackened, wrong.
I love you too much to make you
Suffer all the pain I'd put you through.
She's kind, loving, dutiful,
enough for everlong.
Part 2
Written a short time later.
Katie Oct 2021
You don't know it,
You can't know it,
I never said a word.
How could I?
The borders of our friendship,
Though the thought makes me cry;
Too blurred.

But why her not me?
But why this not me?
I wanted to be here
Within you;
To nestle deep into your heart
and love you your life through,
Without fear.

Why couldn't it be?
Why shouldn't it be?
Years, months, weeks, days,
Eternity.
You've always been here and yet
I'm selfish with pity.
My type betrays.
Part 1
I wrote this recently. Never got around to posting it.
Katie Jun 2020
Here's to the ******* who'd ruin my life
Who's filled every moment of existence with strife
I'm sorry I'm not the child you wanted me to be
Sorry I couldn't live the way you wanted to see
Though that wouldn't be enough, would it?
If I was straight, cis, sporty and ****?
You wouldn't give a **** about me
Cause I still couldn't make your life so easy and free
You never wanted a child, just an excuse
To abandon the family that'd worn out it's use
They hate me too, but I can't really blame them
Their hate stems from this monster of men
As we celebrate I bolster the thought
Of when I can drop you in a hole and leave you to rot
Because maybe then I can be who I am
Without your input that my life is a sham
And maybe then, when you can't speak a word
Maybe then I can finally be assured
That my life really matters
Because you won't be there to tear every aspect of my being and every hope that I've had for life and love and family to tatters
Katie Jun 2020
How did it come to be
Parapets upon walls atop a fort of stone
Encased, deep, in the heart of hate
And cold
Cold
Cold
It's all that remains here
Common sense and mere
Logic betrayed by worthless fear
Of an enemy that would not rear
It's head again, for eternity.

If they can forgive
Why can't we?
7
Katie Jan 2020
Woolen caps and puffy coats
The crowd yet further bloats
On and on and another one yet
Totaling an ever higher net
No room to breathe here
Claustrophobia
Rising
Rising
A thousand thousand men
A ***** glare too often
A single crimson strand
Hidden in the most common brand
Alone
Alone
Forever
Katie Jan 2020
Phone battery is draining
Outside the shelter it's raining
The wildlife flocks inside
The knots in my stomach still tied
At the college I've been since one
Become a baker to make a good bun
'Twas the cause of my visit
Yet I felt my arrival illicit
My mind stopped ticking long ago
But of talent I must make a show
Nerves, nerves, stretched and taut
My breath in my chest caught
In the release, it's over, you're here
Within the shelter, nothing to fear
He struts in my view, old grey bird
One toe, two toes, but no third
The beauty of life lives on yet
And pain is good, it teaches to let
Bygones be bygones, favors are good
Even bullies don't want to be left in the mud
But then he leaves me, walking away
As my bus arrives with no delay
Katie Jan 2020
I find myself lost within thoughts of your smile,
Though such a thing is still lost to me.
You have form in my mind, but no feature.
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