i forget, sometimes,
that everyone has their own world
just as full as mine.

that ******* the bus,
she always has blue glitter on her eyelids,
she has someone
she cries over
when it rains.

and that boy,
who laughs a little too loud in the hallways --
he has a grandmother
she calls him every sunday.
he has a playlist
that he never shares.

i forget
that lives unfold around me,
not just mine.
no one else's life
pauses
just because im not
in the same room as them.
they're full of joy,
grief,
midnight cravings,
and rom com dreams
that don't star me.

but tonight?
the warm city lights
look like conversations
ill never hear --
and i remeber.

Everybody is sad
and everybody is tired
everybody is broken
and I can't fix it all
I can't fix myself
I'm losing my grip
I'm sinking
keep up the charade
these people need you, right
but I can't I can't I can't
I can't fix you
I can't help you
the facade is exhausting me
can't you see it's draining me
I'M sad
I'M tired
I'M broken
I wish I could fix myself
the way I try to fix others

Dear past self,
We didn't die.
We didn't give up.
We didn't see our last day yet.
We didn't **** our optimism.
And that's good news.

But we are immensely different.
You changed, and so did i.
You liked the sun, i like the stars.
You yearned for someone, i found that person in me.
You had a name, i named myself.

You will build yourself,
From scraps of fear and uncertainty,
To be the person you didn't know you could be.
You will build yourself,
Because your old mold didn't fit you anymore,
And you needed space to grow.
You will build yourself,
To grow wings and live again
Like you wished for last night.
You will build yourself,
Give yourself a different name,
And travel the world stronger than ever.

Dear past self,
I'm probably a stranger to you.
So many things happened.
So many things changed.
I can't say for sure we're still the same person.

You are a girl, and i am a boy.
You are Emilie, and i am Athos.
You are insecure, and i am confident.
You are hopeless, and i finally feel alive.

Life will **** you,
And you'll resurrect from the ashes
Like a strong phoenix.
Life will **** you,
And you'll put your shattered pieces back together
Like a gorgeous mosaic.
Life will **** you,
And you'll build yourself up
Like a Greek statue.
Life will **** you,
So you can be born again
And have a second chance at life.

Your spark will come back.
No one stole it.
Your wings will grow.
They always meant to.
Your time for change will come.
And it's going to be the best and worst thing that has ever happened to you.

bracelets

those things made of strings
were given with love

a secret promise lies in every one I (s)wear

still, it’s broken
and
it’s
all
my
fault

one because I pulled too hard
one because it ripped apart
one because I got it that way
one because it didn’t work anyway
one because I lost it
one because it never fit

I love my bracelets
but every one I wear
finds its way to never wear

they give me new ones
but they don't hold
still the only one that survives
was given far too long ago

now here I am
with my jar full of broken promises
cause I don't give up
broken or not
all cause I loved too much

and see what’s the price

a jar I keep

every single one
broken
in hope not to be forgotten

I flinch at the sound
of a hand striking skin
because I know your name.
I shy away from raised, angry voices
because I know your name.
I learn to lie easily
because truth doesn't know your name.
I feel dread appear
in the pit of my stomach
the second you walk in
because I know your name.
and because I know your name
and everything bad associated with it
I
Know
You