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I'm four bottles into loving you.
How many are you?
© JLB
18/01/2015
01:09 GMT
A good thing happened tonight
I didn't take flight when you caught my hand
I felt your skin, warm on mine
It sent shivers up and down my spine
This wasn't a friend catching your hand and pulling you to play.
this was a love hold, that made me catch my breath.
I saw your eyes twinkling in the rays of the dying sun,
and caught the gleam of wickedness, drawing me in.
I spun to run but you held my hand, it's softness drawing me close,
I looked into your face, saw a deep blush and realised,you were afraid,
just like me. I caught your scent, clean, outdoors, shampoo,
even the faint hint of your gum, minty and fresh.
My head spun, my smile widened, my arms took hold.
We held each other for just a while, then with a smile we kissed.
That minty gum was like a cool spring, cold yet invigorating,
and like spring water we drank deeply.
We touched, we stared, we gasped, we laughed.
When we let go it was time to say goodnight.
We walked our separate paths, but before leaving we made sure
to adjust our dresses.
What conclusion would the neighbours come to?
Two teenage girls, clothes askew and florid faces,
whatever conclusion they came to, the truth would make
their hearts need pacemakers!
© JLB
17/01/2015
01:10 GMT
As I look toward the ceiling I get a funny feeling
one that itches like a *****.
Do you love me? I wonder
Do you stay because leaving would tear your soul asunder?
Lying here on the bed, wishing I were asleep,
I remember how my heart would skip a beat on seeing you
Now, I turn and see you there, hair crumpled, eyes closed
and realise that it's not you I need to question, but all my
Silken lies. Starting with I do.
© JLB
15/01/2015
02:05 GMT
I'm not bitter no I'm not I'm mad as hell.
Mad for all those tears you caused. Mad for all the times I couldn't be happy because of you.
Mad of all the times I had fear because of you.
Mad for all those times I couldn't be free because of you .
Mad for all those times I had to sacrifice happiness by force.

You know everytime I see you I feel rage running rampage through out my veins.
I remember my hands hitting against the wall my nails gripping the sheets my breath closing my eyes closing with tears my teeth biting my lip my throat burning .
After that I would feel ***** I would wash five times a day but still feel ***** cause what you caused didn't only destroy me physicaly it destroyed me inside and no mater what I do with the outside the inside can not be washed with soap  its broken and it can't be fixed up that easily no mater how many surgeries you take.

Every morning I wake up looking at you and asking myself how you sleep at night knowing you destroyed a little girl .
Knowing you killed something that was in a girl so beautiful and turned it something ugly.

You ruined me destroyed me and left me there know I'm left on my on to fix up the mess.

But no I'm not bitter I'm Mad as hEll...
#anger #bitternes #**** #sadness
I’m just passing it along,
All has come – to become gone

But for a fleeting instant at most
love is a guest of an eager host

I become aware that sender I must be,
which is how it now arrives with thee

This golden dove, thy gaze, the time
Carried by messenger from the Divine

Over the Bizarre – this cloud passing by –
Is a trader’s exchange across a bartering sky

Tis only suspended by my arresting eye
Then off again, I let it fly

A poem, a song, a painful illness
Ecstatic whirling around the axis of stillness

Gone from gone, as gifts unwrap
What’s given is done, to be given back

Finding it’s way to hand and heart
By hand and heart once had a start

So you who arrive had come before
I saw another close a door

Waiting, a package sent to ourselves
arriving like stars in a hearts black well

I lean over the edge of introspection
Down to dark waters of a captive reflection

In the ripples of light and shadow I see
A present returned, and the present is me

Am I light emitted or light received
Where am I on the wheel of destiny

All I seek is its cycle’s center
Blessed reunion of recipient and sender
Lemons and lies
Make sour lives
Strawberries and cream
Make life a scream
So does a blade when I catch you lying.
© JLB
12/01/2015
23:11 GMT
How am I still holding on?
Wasting my time
When I know you've gone

I still drift back to younger days
I wasted my time over you
I tried to understand, I failed

You stayed with me up until I realised,
you were gone.
You were never mine.

I saw you the other day
I was sat in a café people watching
I saw you, I watched you.

I ached for you, for me, for the past
For regrets, missed opportunities, failed declarations
Realisation that together we were friends, almost more.

In a crowd we were separate beings
Societal dictats stood in place, never to be questioned.
I watched you in the crowd from the café

Watched you looking my way
Steam from my latte bringing a haze to my eyes
Oh how many nights I cried for you.

Wanting you, needing you,
hurting inside for you, denying others "just in case"
You denied me then I deny you now.

Stay in the locked box deep in my soul
Memories in a woman's heart
can never be stolen or forgotten.

I left the café with an ache
Turned the corner, felt your stare
Then, saw my husband standing there.

To him I moved my wheelchair forward
To him I kissed my ache away
To him I will always stay

I turned for a final glance
Looked at you standing in the drizzle
You stared not at me, but the chair.

Realisation shone on your face
Confusion clouded those eyes
I am her, but not now.

Your height, your hair, your brown eyed stare
You're all that I remembered and more.
21 years have spun away, as did I that day.
© JLB
12/01/2015
13:26 GMT
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