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I wish I could fall asleep by your side, in your arms
And wake up to the same sight of us

I never imagined how silence could be so loud.
I miss your touch, your skin, our time that I loved

But it's gone, you're gone, no feelings, nothing.
Empty. Empty. Empty.

I wish I could use another word, but it fits so perfect.

Me, my life, the world.

I tell you goodnight every night in my sleep,
I speak your name like it was the only ting I knew.

You drove me crazy, and I left without explanation.

Now I'm used to being alone, it takes time to get to know it again. And now I never want anything else.
Lying on the floor
Staring at the ceiling

I am encompassed with a horrid feeling.

The track in my head
Is stuck on replay

You're ugly
You're fat

How'd you let yourself get this way?

I am aware it's not true
But it still makes me blue

I try so hard to stay on track
But sometimes motivation is what I lack

At these moments
I hate how I appear
I despise myself
I despise the mirror

I despise the perfectionism deep inside
That caused this malady, this deep divide

That took over my mind

....

Lying on the floor
Staring at the ceiling

I realize I have to learn to cope with this feeling

Despite what my mind continues to say
Restriction isn't the answer
Acceptance is the way

Body dysmorphia
Will not rule me
Nor the eating disorder
I want to be free.
It’s that time of year
Or so they all say
But I’m holding back a tear
I can’t go a single day

Without this weight over me
It’s all darkness and pain
The lights are bright I see
But it’s all dull in this pouring rain

In my head are monsters and demons
In my thoughts is the pain of past mistakes
All these bright lights will start to break

The beauty that you all see now
Isn’t going to last
These lights and laughter
It will soon be past

And then again
Will reign in the world
All the darkness and sin.
Christmas time used to be magical and fun to me. Now it all just seems so shallow and void.
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