I want you to grow your hair out. The halo of tiny curls that have begun to tangle and coil around your ears make it impossible for my mind to focus on anything but running my fingers through them.

all the specious thoughts forever with a bit of doubt
questioning the right
was I wrong
I suspect not
but surety is a conspicuous thing
almost vanity
all I can do now is go on
living
like I was correct
and question the questioning
and get along
little doggy
get a pair
and say **** it all
make good for what i did wrong or apologize
and from now on do my best
and love myself
help another worthless feeling
*******  
make the best of their self
or perhaps
spend my money
getting high
no

New month,
Ordinary start,
Very hopeful though,
Every great thing starts small.
Manage the little youre blessed with,
But dont stop trying to get better.
Earlier this year you made it,
Remember to use your history for strength.

quench my thirst rainfall  please
fall to earth
wet my parched tongue
my emotionless thirst
sober on the dune I stand awaiting
scorching absorbing the sun's harshness
I need washed cleansed
stark bald
naked
basic
a dry blown grain of silicon
wasting away
at the whims of
the  wind and sun

Grandma's dress at the end was a sling around her
left leg and arm attached to a rope
and pulley we thought, or I did at five, was fun
to pull on
her exercise
she couldn't talk
but made expressive grunts to garner my mom's attention
when she saw me doing wrong
going into a room I shouldn't have
she was all there except
for verbalizing and being one sided
I liked to cuddle with her  
I still see it all