BMG - Hello Poetry

BMG Jun 2018

10:49

I just don’t understand
how it can still hurt so badly.
How my heart can still be broken.
It’s like all the air leaves the room
All over again
I find myself alone
I don’t see how I can possibly
survive it.
It’s not all the time
Tomorrow I won’t feel like this.
But I know it won’t be the last time
I know I’ll sink down low again.
I wish I could rid my soul of him,
of ever loving him,
of ever being loved by him,
of ever knowing him.

BMG Jun 2018

The Wisest Man I Know.

My Dad use to tell me
Back when I was younger
He said
“Baby Girl you have a travelers soul
trapped inside a body
with a settlers heart.”

All those years ago
I didn't understand him
I was sure I'd never settle
for anything, for anyone

Then I grew up
The older I got
The more meaning I found in his words.
Those words
Constantly coursing through my veins

You see
My Dad always saw
the constant struggle inside me.
My mind was always wanting to wonder
my soul needed to be free,
Yet, my heart, it knew better.

He said my heart
Knew where I belonged
Somewhere within me
It aways knew my home would be
where I was bound.

Happy father’s day.

BMG Jun 2018

The Tide

Your tide rolled in
Your tide rolled out
The best way to describe us,
Our love,
To define what happened
Is to compare it to the ocean,
My sanity the sand.
Your love became a tide to me.

Consistent in only one way,
The way it never
Never ceased to exist
Yet inconsistently
Constantly changing.
Your waves cascaded over me,
across my shoreline
swallowing every bit
of who I once was.

All the while I was gasping for air.
Your water filling every crack
Your tide rolled in
Your tide rolled out
Each passing time
disturbing my sand
My sanity
Taking away the smallest pieces
Every time the tide rolled in
Until finally
Nothing that was once there
Still existed.

#tide #water #heart #emotional #past #love

BMG Jun 2018

Elements

Earth
The wolf
Hidden in the dark forrest
Gracefully walked up to me
“I can smell your hands bleeding.”
I told him regardless of the pain, I had to hold on.
He said no, you need to let go.

Water
The stingray
At the deepest point of the ocean
Swam right up to me
“I can feel how tense you are.”
I told her change is too hard
She said I should accept it, move through it.

Fire
The Elephant
Standing strong in the worst of storms
Shaking the ground as he came near
“I can see the fear in your eyes.”
I told him it’s not easy being jaded
He said I needed to open my heart, trust again.

Air
The Nightingale
Singing loudly in the blackest of night
He flew straight towards me
“Why can’t I hear your heart through your words.”
I told her the heart is naive
She said better the heart than the mind, let me hear your soul.

Spirit
The Sea Serpent
In stories, tails from long ago
Slithered up to my feet from the blue water
“I can taste your pain on my tongue.”
I told him about my past
He said emotional wounds can heal, you just have to believe there is more out there.

I recently did a tarot reading for each element- this is what I learned.

#tarot #animals #spirit #truth

BMG Jun 2018

Just Like Water

I failed today
Like the waves
trying to wash the dirt away.
I decided not to think of you
I almost made it
But you were stronger
I failed today
The undertow took over
Pulled me back into your memory
You seeped into my skin
Drowning in who we use to be
I failed today
I will try again
Try to stay a float
Tomorrow.

BMG Jun 2018

The Battle Within

The brilliant boy
He's in this limbo
Almost living
Completely dying.
It's all so poetic really.
Killing everyone
everything for something;
for the love you
desperately think you can get back
Even though you are the cause
of every single thing
that has happened
of everything that you have lost.
You made the decisions that
Got you here
Now it’s war
Mayhem
Fighting everyone around you
but truthfully fighting yourself.

"It's always been his job to fix this."

That’s what you convince yourself
Your job to make things right
You believe that murdering it all
will end it.

He thinks it’ll take him
completely back
to the beginning.
It won’t
You can’t
You are so far gone
You’re killing yourself
Brilliant.

I wrote this about a boy I use to know. He always believed he was responsible for making everything better, even if he was making it worse. Strubborn, he would never walk away. He’d **** himself and everyone around him to make a point. Any point at all.

BMG Jun 2018

It’s about Choices

I didn't stop missing you.
I didn't wake up one day
and decide everything
was going to be okay.

I didn't just decide
to not love you.
I just decided
to let go of you.

I stopped making excuses
Stopped making them for you.
I stopped convincing myself
I was right in holding on.

I was so sure
No one could tell me different
I really thought I knew our fate.
I was wrong.

I put my faith
where it should of been all along.
I let go of your words
and trusted my own.

I asked the sky
to point me in the right direction.
When it answered me,
When I decided to finally listen.

This is what I heard.

We don't get to control
what is going to happen.
We don't control
what others are going to do.

However we aren’t
helpless
we do get to control what we do
about our own feelings.

I think I'll always wonder what we were.
What we could of been.
Yet, we aren't that.
We aren't anything at all.

That's the only point that matters now.
I lost myself
I was always there for you.
I lost myself in trying to find you.

Trying to fix us or
what I believed we would always be.
I lost myself
I spent my entire being saving you.

I failed at that
Saving who I thought you were
but I didn't fail the lesson.
I am still here

I didn't give up,
I gave in.
I gave in to what I didn't get to choose.
I gave in, and let myself fall.

On one hand
I didn't choose to love you,
On the other hand
I do get to choose to live my life
with or without you.

I choose me.
I choose my life.

#choose #choice #love #moveon #heart #life