when i grow up
i want to be brave
strong like you
and be just like me
no matter what
and no matter who
says i shouldn't
because i will always
be exactly who you
don't want me to be
because i live
just to make you
uncomfortable about
the clothes i wear
and the things
i stand for
and believe in
because if one day
i grow up
i want to brave enough
to put people
just like you
right where they belong
back in their place
right behind me
but maybe all along
i have been brave

remember when the world
looked like it was colourful
and suddenly your memories
began to loose their shades
of fluorescent brightness
and they didn't seem
quite as they used to when
things were different
and the world spun
the right way around
and it didn't quite feel
as thought it was all wrong
and you wanted to leave
and live among the brightness
of the stars up in space
to replace the colourful
hues that earth once gave
to your eyes as a gift
in return for the smile
it'd leave upon your face
when the now grey flowers
were once beautiful spectrums
of colours you couldn't
imagine even with the best
of minds or eyes
before those memories
that you have now forgotten
had happened and stripped
the colour you once remembered

They're simply words
Used to help someone
Live comfortably
In a society
Where they don't
Feel that they belong
Because you decided
For yourself that they don't
Because you were raised
To be afraid of those
Who do not conform
To what you believe
Is a society where
You wish to spread
Your negativity
And futile behaviour

It's always the people you meet by chance
That make life bearable and leave you
Standing in a trance
Unaware of the effect they have on you
Like our fate had somehow
Become intertwined with one another
Somewhere along the way
Like a gust of wind traveling
With such beauty and grace
You're unaware it is there
And helping fuel your lungs with fire
In which you need to stay alive
In order to be with the people who somehow
Got stuck with you
Platonic or romantically in love
With someone's grace and personality
Unexpectedly crossing paths with someone
Who has a lot to offer for your life
To heal or break you inside or offer help
And guidance along the way
Like a soul to hold you in safe hands
As you pass through all places in life

How am I supposed to react
When inside my own body
I feel so trapped

I'm expected to be what I present
But that doesn't reflect me
And this person you see, I've began to resent

Her pronouns don't feel like mine
And they haven't for a while
But changing them has helped over time

Sometimes it feels okay
Others I can't take it
Because how I feel changes day to day

The girl you see who wears the skirts
Who wears makeup to be confident
Isn't a girl at all, and feels like dirt

When you call me beautiful
I don't know how to feel
It feels so unusual

My body doesn't feel like mine
It belongs to a woman
If it didn't maybe I'd feel fine

My clothes don't reflect me
Neither does my makeup
This isn't who I want to be

I'm scared I'll never look neutral
Maybe you'll always see a girl
It just feels so brutal

The person you raised
Isn't who I grew into
I'm a new person today

I've never came out
But it's because I'm still so unsure
And if I told you you'd feel doubt

You raised a girl
Not someone doesn't feel right
A child who'd grow to wear dresses and pearls

I was always your princess
Never your prince or neither
But I've never felt secure in a dress

I'll never feel feminine
Not how you perceive it
But how I feel it is relevant

The tiara never fit my head quite right
And the long hair felt wrong
I wish I could change overnight

One day you'll know
I'll explain it all to you
But until then, I'll continue to grow