I'm choking on words

Trapped within my mind
Hearing brief snippets
Impossible to string together
No easy software
Knows the way

I wish that I could tell you  

Maybe once day it'll happen
Another finds this trivial
You may not even understand

Leaving my grasp as I reach
Outstretched to graze it gently
Violets dont compare to the feeling
Evenings spent with bodies entwined

It's a secret

Tears would pour down my face
Frantically attempting to satiate your thirst
You loved those droplets
Developed a craving for them
The sweetest salt you'd experienced

Every heartbeat was faster
blood rushing like a river
You loved the redness of my face
Required it at every presence
The purest fear you ever produced

Hands tried to pry yours away
Grasping for an ounce of control
You loved the weakness
Fed off of the attempts to make it stop
The darkest marks you ever gave

Eyes pleaded for an escape
Begging for one moment of empathy
You loved the blindness
Glazed over look at your prize
The most pain you'd ever cause

Lips said one word
"No"
Screaming for the silence to carry it
You loved the fight
Wrapped your hand around my neck
And squeezed until you choked it out.

I am tired
Of seeing your name wherever I look
You already carved it into my soul
Scarred by the weight of a few letters
So please, just stop

I am cold
Each time I see you
Pretending my heart isn't pounding
Blood replaced by a paralyzing poison
Drowning me in an ice bath
Please stop

I am scared
Loud noises and raised voices
Hands wrapped around my neck
Gasping for air
Nightmares
Stop

You scare me.
Appearing in my life when I ended it.
Reaching out for my warmth when
You asphyxiated the fire.
I need oxygen.
Not you.
Please.

Close your eyes and breathe
Just do this for me
No
Do this for you

Feel the contours of your body
The unique curvatures
You own this fingerprinted body
Tell yourself that you are yours
Do this for you

Feel the beating of your heart
That sound is so gentle
So tempting to break down
But you've survived your pains
Pounding on the walls of your chest
Do this for you

Feel your mind
Pulling you through doors
Terrifying at every turn
Who you are comes from those doors
Do this for you

Feel yourself
Because you are all that matter
Because your body is yours
Because your heart is yours
Because your mind is yours
Because you are yours

Crave yourself.

The dreams all start so innocent
Running through a hallway
Hiding in a room
Playing gently
It's all fun and games
Until the bad man finds you
Until the running becomes fearsome
Your heart pounding out of your chest
Until the hiding becomes terrifying
You know you'll be found

The hands will grab your legs and claw their way up
Mouths will try to latch onto your body in a frightening attempt to satiate their hunger
Curling upward at the sound of your screams and cries
Eyes will be devoid of humanity as you search for some kind of mercy

That's when you know you lost the game again.

Do not say anything
Honesty may be the best policy
But when you are honest and the words
The feelings
The pain
All rush out, pouring like rain in a midnight storm
Dragging you and all you love out of a blissful dream
And into a thundering nightmare

How do I know if it's love?
Does a simple moment take control of my mind
Focusing on the sweetest words I heard you say
Grasping at the tendrils of a beautiful future

How do you know that it's love?
Does calling my name cause your heart to stop
Staring into my soul makes you lose yourself
To a sea of vibrant words and passionate eyes

How do we know that it's love?
Do we veil reality with a beautifully woven cloth
Whispering from our honey coated lips
Shivering from a sweetness convinced it's nothing but pure