I opened my eyes and I was falling from the sky with the ocean beneath me.
I heard not a sound except the faintest whisper of the wind.
The ocean sparkled, billions of lights flickering in the distance.
I fell faster and faster, and yet the vast violet and blue never drew closer.
In fact, it seemed to grow further from me. I spread my arms and closed my eyes.
Trees in bloom erupted from my fingertips and eternally grew.
I opened my eyes to find myself no longer falling but standing in a forest at twilight,
staring up into the stars as they shimmered and flickered in the sky,
speaking words I would never hear.
I reach down and pluck a single blade of grass as the earth starts to shake.
I close my eyes.

They told me not to burn bridges but I love the smell of smoke.
Let's hope they hear the sound of your voice feel its deserved choke.

If you were even worth it, then I'd gladly cut you down,
but I think I'll let you get crushed by your
phony ******* crown.

I heard that perhaps this planet is just the hell for another, and I hope with all my heart those words are false.
With every sunset and every broken heart , a veil is placed over the eyes straining for morning and beautiful songs in the distance.
Over my eyes...
Cynicism is a poison running through my veins and paranoia is the noose around my neck.
"There is a degree of difficulty in dealing with me."
I can see in their words,
hear in your voice, how I can make a simple life hard.
Call me chaos because I am anything but easy.
Find me walking through the abandoned playgrounds trying to hold on to the child in me because he is the only thing fighting to keep me free..
Find me and swing away.
Hold my hand now and again and
don't let me get buried in myself...

I close my eyes and you're here.
I open them and you're still there.

...somewhere...

...just not here...

I just wanted to say something to all of you.

I feel as if the words I write are sometimes more important than I am.
If that is true, then I hope that after I die, they stay behind and find you whenever you need them.

-Joshua

There are love songs playing through the static and I can hear them faintly as I fight anxiety with wine that cares for me more than you could ever pretend to.
The notes fight through the white noise and the words climb against the wind and rain to see day. They will succeed and the static will fade away into the beautiful music that usually fills my universe,
...but not today.
Today is just a promise that things will eventually be okay...

Last night was such an amazing night. I saw a Shakespeare play and the life on stage stirred something in me. Something beautiful that I forget exist sometimes and hits me like deja vu or the vague memory of a half remembered dream.
Later on I went and drank with friends and sang karaoke and laughed and smiled.  I didn't go to sleep till late and I had an amazing time.
Today was solitary mostly and now I am having a cigar and reading at this park off base I adore. I stopped and looked around me at the kids playing and dogs running and the sky was so beautiful while the sun set and I looked up into the vastness and felt so small. I tired looking past the sky into space and to the stars and the moon and I wonder why we worry about such petty things such as bills or a broken heart while the universe is so infinite and chaotic, absolutely beautiful. I feel so small and in that moment I feel so... meaningful.  The fact that I am on this green orb full of music and full of laughter floating in a vast sea of light and wonder makes me stop and makes my heart beat softly like a drum beat playing softly in a sleeping jungle. Like a lonely candle shining in the dark.

Our words are bridges for Hell and Heaven to cross.
The world inside our head meets the world we think we know.
All the thoughts inside our mind get ready for the show.

The words we say
can break away,
lead us astray
away from day.
Or too the light
unblur our sight
and make awareness much more bright.

A pen becomes a sword and a keyboard just a tank.
A pencil is an arrow and your voice is more like God.

Silence

The words are hate.
The words are love.
The words give grey a violent shove.

The words are living,
build towards a goal.
The words are pieces of your soul.

Planets above and fathoms below,
I ask on the Empty, "Where should I go?"
Do I trust my compass, shall I break my clock?
Are there ways of guidance we've yet to unlcok?

One giant leap forward, two giant leaps back.
One foot nursing wounds, one prepared for attack.
I knock and I knock at the great wooden door
but the Empty is silent and I wonder for more.

My questions give silence and no answers are found
except words of heaven that make not a sound.

The planets and fathoms, they answer me not,
but somewhere has answered this pondering thought.


You can search far and wide, you can struggle and bleed,
but the answers your seeking aren't the answers you need.

I want to fight and read and drink and ****.

I want to stand once again on the beach just far out enough to where there is nothing in my sight but the sea.

I want to fall so far that I don't think I can ever stand up again.
And then I want to laugh, stand my *** up, and climb out.

I want to write and breathe and laugh and die.

But most of all,

I want to feel alive.




God ******.

The smoke, it never clears.
Dear, don't worry about a thing.
The bombs are going off when I walk to class
and the bodies are piling up when I clock out for lunch.
I watched the fire rage in the pulpit
but the pastor is still praying
even though he feels the heat.
And the president is hanging his head
when trust me, he knows the truth...
I can't help but cry
but I feel as if that is just to hide the laughter.
We want to fall in love but we love to fall in spite
so we dress in pretty clothes and check our texts and tweets.
Grab your packs and make sure you have enough ammo.
For love of god, cleaning your ******* weapon
because we are all soldiers in some kind of war.

Silence of the forest,
             enchant my soul.

                           Halt the gears
         of want and worry.
                     Muffle the
                 machinery of man.

Fill my ears
         with bubbling brooks,
my eyes of
         saplings in the shade,
                        instead of
                plastic devastation,
                         a toxic counterfeit
           of perennial progression

I am playing with fire,
because apparently I haven't learned.
I'm playing with fire,
and I am not the one who will get burned.

A man was walking down the street
And saw a kitten at his feet.
He smiled and nearly lost control
Till it opened its mouth and swallowed him whole.

It does not matter whether god is here or not.


Because we are here.

No, dear.



You did not leave a hole in my heart.


                                                    
                                              The hole was there, long before you
                                                   stumbled into my life.


                          
                             ­  It will be there long after you turn to memory.




Tearing it a little wider is the only thing
                                                           ­   **you
                                                      ­                  managed to achieve.


                                                    A couple more inches of
                                                                ­        scarring
                                                ­                 and the repulsive stench
                                                     of your rotting soul.

I had a vision last night of a man saved from a horrible disaster.
He lost all things cherished through his eyes in this world; his home, his wife, his newborn baby girl.
There are times when we make it through something so terrible and so disastrous that we cant help but stop and wonder why we survived.
I pictured God far in the ever looking down and nodding his head in unknowable reason while the man wept and wept, asking why.

I saw the man envision the same God and the same nodding but grew angry at the aspect that he survived for a purpose while the blood and soulless forms of the dearly departed laid under his trembling hands.
"You left me alive for a purpose? To what, change the world? Bring peace? Perhaps become an instrument for goodness on this spinning orb of wickedness and woe?" He whispered to the dirt.
"Ill show you purpose.''

Years flashed in seconds as I watched the man become an instrument of evil and sadness.
Drinking a rotten liver to death and bringing misery to all who dared to cross his path.
He died many years later in a broken down home that held nothing but loneliness and a tattered photo of a smiling family ****** by an unseen force and the scent of broken men.

Then my vision altered slightly and the figure of God nodding softly distorted and fell into darkness of an angel of light nodding casually with the the smirk of business lying on his face.

If we control this world, it is at the whims of a force we cannot comprehend and the will we feel flowing through are veins can be harnessed if given the smallest push into the always patient void.

I am in a group of people who are laughing and having fun.
I smile and grin along even though I am alone.

I'm not the man who met his dreams
with weary eyes and thoughts of grey.
The man who opened his eyes this morn'
is not the man from yesterday.

We live our lives encased in stone.
etching our names through woe and fear,
deaf by chisels wo scratch and slice
the only truth we need to hear.

Every day's a different path,
one you've never tread before;
every sunrise, wonders anew,
with stranger songs and open doors.

The only chain around your neck
is made of links you forge each night,
but with new eyes,
who crave delight,
perhaps dawn offers a different sight.

Puzzle pieces are spread throughout the floor when more keep falling through the door.
The pieces are frayed by creatures who made an effort in keeping confusion a lord.
I'm struggling to fit the pieces together but always and never I come to an edge where nothing comes further, and falls off the ledge...

I need to stop and breath in peace because my nerves bring such unease when I'm looking in your eyes so bright I just want to keep them full of light....