Today I woke up early and I thought it was important! I thought today would be a day for me to do things that were worth it. I woke up early and I tried hard. I walked around and I asked people questions. I tried to ask questions that were important. I looked at people into their eyes and I tried to actually be present. I ate food and I saw things. It's hard for me to wake up sometimes, actually all the times. I never really want to wake up. I try hard and I work hard but I always forget to ask people questions. I'm not always present. When people are around me and my eyes are open I don't look into their eyes. I don't often think about food and I think eating is inconvenient. I guess I thought today I'd pretend all those things were important. So I woke up early today, I woke up early can you believe it? I woke up early because today waking up was important! I walked around and I asked people questions! I looked at them in their eyes and only saw my reflection. I wished I hadn't woken up early when they walked right past me and didn't answer my questions. I tried eating and pretending that it was convenient, that eating was important. The food tasted like the lie I knew it was; with each bite I felt like I was more a fraud, an actor, an imposter. As if I was someone who could believe I was important. As if I was someone who woke up early and looked at people in the eyes and asked them questions. As if I was someone who felt like a time for food was convenient. Maybe I'm a liar, maybe I'm something more. Maybe people didn't see the truth in my eyes when I met them at their core. Maybe I didn't need to wake up early to have time to focus my gaze. Maybe I don't need to ask people questions to make them see that I'm awake. Maybe none of these things are needed to validate that I'm important. Maybe I'm the one that needs to realize I'm worth it.

She holds the sun in her right hand

And the deepest ocean pours
from her left as a Niagara of
dark expectations

flowing to me with words
that soar and swoop pecking
and clawing

Oh how I need the moon and
pull her close in a feigned kiss
while my hand creeps like a lizard

to set it free like that guy released after
thirteen years waiting for the chair

Oh how that embrace has wrecked me
as a car that followed too close

I pulled her tight to steal
what she had herself snatched
when the stars weren’t looking

Her breath was red wine and I drank
and the weight of her breast on my arm
crushed my resistance

and I loved her again oh as a universe

and let her keep it tucked away

Part of you cradles a star
that's why the Sun loves you

your dust is cosmic
your spirit eternal

the light of your star
a heart made for love

we have lonely hearts,
and hungry hands,
and we want to love,
but we don't know how.
we have tired eyes,
and achy lips,
and we want to love,
but we don't know how.
we have too many thoughts
and no one to listen,
and we just want to love,
but we don't know how.
we have so much to give
and no one to take
and we will probably always be alone.
we have shaky hands
that only hold pens
and trembling lips
that only kiss cigarettes
and watery eyes
that never know how to look okay.
we are the ones you forget you raised this way,
teaching us fear
instead of how to love
or maybe just maybe we might know how.
we're the ones who make up things to believe in
to keep us going
and maybe we made up the concept of love
because we have no proof that it's real.