Hey there,
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Well, I'm writing this, to tell you how I wish this could end,
How I wish I could make you feel,

I'm saying this, because I'm sorry,
Because what else is there to say?
I want to be able to tell you how I feel,
Over Coffee and Ice Cream,

Do you remember?
How we used to drink the Bittersweet, kiss of milk,
Top it off with crisp, creamy ice, chocolate syrup sifted ontop,
I remember,

I remember the excruciatingly warm feeling,
Such a bubbly, delicious emotion,
I remember how you'd smile and grin at me,
And the tempature would increase,

I remember how you'd cool me down,
With spoon fulls of ice cream,
I remember how you'd laugh through chattering teeth,
And a scalded throat,

You'd sometimes spill the Coffee onto your pale skin,
Stare at it, Giggle,
I remember the pitchy laugh,
All that I adored,

You'd giggle and say, "I'm perfectly fine,"
And I'd smile and giggle back,

I remember the day, when I became curious,
As to why you spilt it on yourself so much,
What it felt like,
Why it looked like you planned each step so precisely,

I remember the curiosity leading me into a clutsy state,
Spilling it on myself, Splashing it onto my skin,
Leaving behind a tingly feeling,

I remember you watching carefully,
Mimicked emotions, as if it wasn't fun anymore,
And you'd smile forcefully,
And giggle again

I remember how much I loved the time we spent together,
Those moments, Touches of ice cream, Sips of Coffee,
Your touch, Your laugh,

But then, I remember,
I had to leave,

I missed those cups of Coffee,
And those tubs of Ice Cream,

For, it was unhealthy,

But, please, one last time, can I see your face?
Reflecting off my steaming hot coffee?
And can I stare at you a while?

Because that'd be enough,

I'd raise my mug, shout, giggle,
An impolite action, but I don't mind,
Your smile would be enough,
I'd probably embarrass you,
My selfish desires taking away moments you dream of,

I'm afraid none of this can happen, My Dear,
Because I think you'd try to cool down my Coffee,
And I can't stare into your big brown eyes,
That's why I cannot share it with you,

For, this'll be my last cup of Coffee,
My last tub of Ice Cream,
Staring into the steamy abyss,

And then?

I'll pour it over my body completely,
Feel the burn, the warmth, the tingly feeling,
I'll let the stinging cascade over my body,
relieving chills, Coloring my body red,
Make me Evaporate,
And I'll think of you,
To comfort the end of my own fate.

So, I'm sorry I couldn't possibly share that last moment with you,
As you requested, Because I know it's unfair,
Because, even then, sharing that moment with myself wasn't fun,
I didn't giggle, or smile,
Because I couldn't move,

But, that doesn't matter now, does it?
Because, in the end, nothing is left, these actions do not exist,
There's nothing left,
But, an empty mug of Coffee,
And a half full melted tub of Ice Cream.

I'm rushed out of my house,
Torn out of a clean smell,
My white floors,

It's soon replaced with the smell of burnt hair,
And my eyes are a bit clouded.

I know I should evacuate,
But I can't find my friends,
Or family,
In this ashen air,

The air is silent,
Torrid and burly,
Dark,

I don't know where to go,
Or what to do,

The space around me is sweltering,
And I can barely make out blurs of red and orange, Solvent,

I realize the sky isn't silent,
But soundproof,
I can hear subdued screams,

Crying of babies,
Vociferating mothers,
Agonized friends,
And shrill screeches,

It all overwhelms me at first,
The crumbling destitution, calamity,
Because I realize,
It had to be my fault,
For not running,
For not saving anyone,

I proved everyone right, didn't I?

My friends,
My family,
They're gone,
They've left, haven't they?

Seized by this vehement heat,
and ****** lava,
Frenzied gas,
Eliminated immediately,

I can tell it's truly nobody's fault,
But for some reason,
It feels exactly like it's mine,
As if I made this volcano explode,

I'm paralyzed,
Next to you,
My kingdom of dirt exploding around us,
Gas filling our noses,

Next to you,
My dearest, suffering friend,
And we'll be stuck together,

Suffering together,
And we meet eyes,
Scintillating flames, a pause

And as I stand there, watching in horror,
I can feel something rather decalescent sink my foot into earth,
An acidic silt jogging around it,
And I can hear myself struggle to scream into the ozone sky,

And the only sight I can see,
Is you,
Gasping for air,
And I can feel the lava overtake my legs,
And the vehement of the earth stings,
And we're stuck,

As our last words blur together,
Words of friendship,
And words of forgiveness,

We forgive eachother,
Although it's nobody's fault,
But this vehement earth,
This nefarious kingdom of dirt,

And as we meet gazes one last time,
I try to tell you to run, I shove you away,
But I only cause you to sink deeper into the lava,
I try to tell you again and again,
to run, to do anything,
But I can't,
And my eyes blur over,

And for some reason,
I can see my breath in the air,
One last time,
And I'm gone,

And so are you,
Forever stuck in this rut,
Two stone figures stuck in heated earth,
Like the figures in Pompei
Smolten statues,
Shortened apologies,
Unable to move,

Forever stuck,
On this smolten earth.

These Stairs. Stairs. Stairs. Stairs.
They keep getting longer,
and I keep dragging myself up them,

They form a spiral, but it's an inefficient shape.
It's constantly growing and shrinking.There is no end to the illusion. Illusions will never be as they seem.

I'll be pulling a heavier weight. I'm pulling a heavier weight I'm pulling myself. I'm pulling myself. I'm dragging my feet.
I'm exaggerating my movements. I'm exaggerating my words.

It's growing. Growing. Growing.
Like an infesting species to a house.
I'm crawling. I'm crawling. This is too much. This is too much. This is too long. This is too long. Too much. Too long. Too much. Too long.

These stacks of neverending words grow, and I tell myself to stop saying the biggest words that come to mind.
I tell myself to forget my pride. If I ever want to reach the top, I must.

They are so hard to decipher, but I can't stop climbing them, trying to conquer the enquizative knowledge of my insanity.
I keep stepping. Stepping. Stepping. Stepping.
I slowly drag my weight. Drag. Drag. Drag.

I slowly find myself climbing the words. Climb. Climb. Climb. Verb after verb. Trying to signal rhyme after rhyme. But, to my horror, when I reach the top.

There is nothing but a shadowed surface, filled with mistakes and tragedies. There is nothing but a reflection. Nothing but a small, skinny girl. And, to my horror, I realize,

IT IS ME.