We are now a few days into 2018.
Promises you made to me last year have fallen through the sunken cracks within your broken soul.
You promised to be my friend through the roughest times in my life,
but where were you when I needed you?
Nowhere to be found.
I can't say I am surprised.
I knew deep down you wouldn't be able to keep your word.
I don't want to be your friend anyway, because you'd be a horrible one.
The wonderful thing about moving on is, I have had multiple things happen in my life thus far, and your face didn't even cross my mind.
I don't care about you anymore.
I don't wonder how you're doing.
I don't give a **** how your Christmas was.
I've forgotten your likes and dislikes, what makes you tick.
You're not even attractive to me anymore.
I've let you crumble to ash.
I hope I cross your mind often.
I hope when you meet your next girl, and she's just being a total ***** to you and doesn't want to blow you-you think of me.
Think about how ******* great I was.
Think about how I made you laugh
How patient I was,
How caring I was-
Then think about how you let me go and how much ******* happier I am since you said goodbye.

You're a *******.

I can't keep my eyes off of him.
My eyes say what my mouth cannot.
Please don't turn off the music, for you'll hear my heart beating loudly through my chest.

I was born to run free.
I cannot be caged under your gaze or your hands.
I long for the summer breeze to blow through my short hair.
Walking through the woods in my bare feet
I long for a man who can handle my wild nature and spirit.
A man who is not intimidated by a woman with a large heart
A man who does not have the intent of holding me back
I want to find someone I can grow with.
Someone to go on adventures with
Someone who I can fall asleep with
Someone who I can travel the world with
I want a man who doesn't grow green with envy or jealousy.
I want to intertwine with his spirit and grow into the skies as one.

I tend to run away just when things turn good.
Why?
I am not sure.
It could be because I run a risk of heartbreak,
and enduring that pain for so long makes you want to avoid it.
It's like I purposely try to sabotage my own future to protect my heart in a gated vulnerable contraption.
Maybe it's because I am afraid he will get tired of me:

The way I laugh
The way I cry
  The way I sing in the car
   The way I cook
     The way I dance

I am worried that I love too hard; a hopeless romantic so soon to be forgotten. I am worried that I will overwhelm him with my sensibility and carelessness- my desire to run free with no set routine carved in stone. I am worried that I will touch him too much or kiss his lips too often.

I am either too much or too little.
Too close or too distant
Too hot or too cold
Too funny or too aloof
I try so hard to be normal and a lovable creature in this inhabitable world, that maybe I scare people off.
I only know how to be me and maybe it just takes time until the universe allows you to find your own ******.

I'm afraid to say those three words,
it's not what you expect.
I don't want them to lose their meaning,
so I try and change the subject.

I think about you all the time,
you're always on my mind.
I think I'm falling for you boy,
you've got my heart in a bind.

The way you shift your car in gears,
how you smoke your cigarette...
The way you say my name,
puts me in a sweat.


I. Miss. You.