there are some things you can't say
moments that pull you back into the past
they ask how you became so **** crazy
but everything really went by too fast

you couldn't talk about it
because who would understand
days when you were confused
nights you were ripped apart

a million hours have gone by
yet the same things stuck to your mind
the same questions, what how and why
all while acting you're fine

memories of you saying no
flashbacks of them saying yes instead
your mind whispers back, ******* ***
& with time you agree, your soul dead

some things I can’t change;
the way I’ll always feel scared
in any relatively new situations
or with any kind of changes

some things I can’t forget;
the way my heart has hurt
in grieving a few deaths
or managing a few messes

but i hope i can always count on you
to not be a part of the things that change
or a fragment of my broken heart

did it **** you
knowing what you knew
did life take a turn
when what you thought was, wasn’t

Those nights
When  you just lie there
And stare into space
And that feeling of your heart being ripped and tossed
Is on loop
With the same song playing over
And over
And over
Again
your eyes shut and the numbness ceases with your dreams
But you wake up
With your sheets stained of tear dried mascara
And that raw feeling
And your lips pale
Because the pain doesn’t stop when he’s gone

i loved & lost
gave all including my best
but i was just cheating myself
thinking i had the best of our lives

I’ve tried convincing my heart
that we have everything we needed
we can fight our past mistakes
& throw the dirt into the lake

maybe all that we really should do
is to cut this thing through
live in our own lives
stop trying to fix this whole mess

& maybe in time to come
we can put all our demons to rest
embrace each other as soul mates
and live a life full of happiness

i wrote so many times
to put my feelings down on the line
to rewire my thoughts
and provide some calmness to the mess

but i still feel alone
like the only one in this world
i know that’s not possible
yet the feeling is so strong

along these lines i realised
i truly am alone
others are just influences
but the decisions are all mine

i have not figured it out yet
but someday i will understand
that being alone is not so bad
it means that i am contented,

with myself.