A couple years from now where will we be?
Sometimes I am scared to wait and see
New methods elude us though we try to grow
Future seems darker than feathers of a crow
A far distance up to go for us to make it to the top
The higher you are the further you drop
Emerged from the rubble before
Must dig my way out of debris once more
I am not a warrior
Only worn-out
Too hoarse to whisper-much less shout
The end of suffering I worry not ever will come
Too many months spent looking constantly glum
I remember eternity when it was a dream
Presently the idea of forever makes me want to scream
My companion you may be
Compare I cannot
We are too contrasting
Or so I have been taught
Our pieces fit together where nobody else's will
Empty spaces designed for your parts to fill
No matter how long failing to stoke flames
Embers keep burning stubbornly just the same
When left in rain our circuits don't rust
Corners of our minds know not one speck of dust
Forgiveness holds me with heavy chain
Through blackest nights in place I remain
Every bone in body craves rest
Fueled by loyalty
Carry on hard-pressed
Remnants of tarnished moments tie heart in knots
Euphoria fossilized in nostalgic thoughts
How I yearn to restore the sparkle in your eye
Glistening with teardrops
No glimmer when dry
Serene silence had now flooded with fear
Cry for intimacy no longer living here
I sense freedom is your secret desire
Your software too complex to rewire
"I love you"
Simply a promise you were fated to break
Asleep dream of the happy ending we'll never have awake
How could chemistry feel so right yet turn out to be so wrong?
Maybe below surface you were a stranger all along...

Life is no charming fairytale
Even on easiest days
Most blessed person you know
Has demons to keep at bay
There's no such thing as perfect
Beauty eventually will all decay
The only hope we have is to hang on
Find happiness within the disarray

I am having hard time accepting truth
No clue how to survive
World without your presence Is not a world
In which I long to be alive
No one cares the way you did
Space in heart nothing can fill
Numb myself with substances
Sorrow impossible to ****
No hope for better tomorrows
Barely make it through today
Room shrinking with each breath
Choke on each word I try to say
Pass the time getting high as I can
An attempt to avoid dwelling on greif
Temporary band-aid to cover wound
Relief always too brief
Move only when necessary
Every step exhausts my feet
When walking I slowly trudge forward
As if legs are stuck in concrete
Around others maintain composure
Can even manage to smile
Inside back of my mind pain throbs
Prowling all the while
And I bottle up tears within
My eyes never stay dry for long
For my effort is ever in vain
Failing to be stable and  strong
This is more difficult than I ever imagined
Nightmare manifested in one blink
Depth of my agony cannot be captured
In range of sound or intricacies of ink
Box of memories stored in brain
Mustering courage to close
Replay past moments until my head spins
Speeding in circles train of thought goes
Is there end to the madness I feel?
Chaos warps perception into knots
Drive myself crazy examining events
Can't quite connect the dots