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Justin Aug 2018
I still suffer until now
Ever since that night
I'm still a wreck

The pain in my wrists
Feels like its growing
Much worst than before

How much more
Do i have to suffer
To answer that

How much damage
Have I given
To her

Only once I've
Suffered enough
Only then

I may finally rest
It hurts even more so
Justin Aug 2018
You were my favourite anti-depressant
In those dark days I had

Everytime we would speak
I was getting addicted

When the addiction happened
I knew I needed more

I took too much
And here i fell

Back into the void
I lay down

With a pillow
Covered in tear stains and blood
Still not over it
Justin Aug 2018
It was as if the world stopped
As we said our farewells to each other

Mixed emotions came in
As the tears from my eyes came down

I write this poem
For the sake of reminding you

That I still love you
Even if we chose to go on our separate ways from now

To you the girl who loved too much
I hope my feelings have reached to you
I still love you so please don't cry
Justin Aug 2018
August 25, 2018

Dear Diary,

It seems I've gone and done it again
I've made another poor soul suffer
I hoped that my heart would finally rest
Yet the uneasiness never wavered
It tells me to accept it
Accept the feelings that I ran away from 7 months ago
Accept the feeling that I buried deep inside because I was too scarred to face the fact that it's normal to get hurt
I suffered greatly
But until I can rest
Let me smile with the pain as red liquid pours out of my wrists
I hope she can forgive me
As I still love her deeply

Sign, Me
I cut myself deeply with words and a blade
  Aug 2018 Justin
Midnight
You wear leather
As dark as your heart
You speak words
As sharp as a knife

You smell of cigarettes
And sometimes cologne
You wreak of Jack Daniel's
But mostly depravity

You lurk in the shadows
And prey on the young
You desire a girl
But only one night

You tell her your lies
To trick her to stay
And then like a coward
You run away
I've been there, done that.
I was once that girl, but not  anymore.
Justin Aug 2018
Here I am again

In this bottomless pit of despair

How long have I been here

Months? Weeks? Years?

I've lost count already

This is what I get

For releasing those demons

That I've kept in check

It doesn't bother me

That I've started to drown

From my own folly
I've been going down hill ever since...
Justin Aug 2018
Hello again,

I think the proper way of starting this is with an apology
But it's already too late
For you are finally gone from my life
And from now on I'm gonna be honest with these emotions

I guess the saying "You never know how much something
means to you until they're gone" has struck me
And all I have left is to write before I break down

You were a sweet person, You were the one who always managed to make me laugh, even on those days where I felt like most of the world was against me, You stayed with me, talking to me until the sun comes up in the morning, sharing every little detail on those emotions your fragile heart has bottled up, but I broke that.

I've always regretted these memories, all the good times we had, all those those times we spent with each other, I always felt regretful for wasting those precious moments I spent with you, because all those happiness turns into a weapon that both engraved a deep scar in both of our hearts.

I tried to keep you within my reach for when the time comes until I can learn how to love properly, but how did that turn out, I found someone else who I feel like I'm incapable of loving properly as I still suffer from the damage I caused for the both of our hearts.

In the end I'm suffering, suffering from wishing I could hear your voice again, suffering from remembering all those moments I spent awake being with you, suffering because I ended up breaking both of our hearts due to my ineptitude of feeling love.

You were the one of the only ones who helped me, who stayed with me, who tried to help me find an escape in the darkness that lurked withing my mind.

I hope for the best that being away from me has helped you, cause even I wouldn't want to be with me too.

Sincerely,
The boy who couldn't love
I know you probably won't see this, But i truly am sorry for hurting you
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