Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Justin Dec 2017
Love is a game
A game I can't seem win
Cause of a bug? A Glitch?
No
Cause I'm not allowed to win
This game is rigged
Rigged for me to lose
No
Maybe I'm just bad
I keep seeing the same mistake
The mistake that makes  me lose
I can never beat it
Game over
Justin Oct 2018
Shhhhh...
I'm slowly losing my mind
I think I am
The voices they say it's fine
But I dont feel like I am

I can feel it
The curse striking back
The curse of the loveless
The curse of loneliness

Each time I break down
Each time I add another mark
Each time I feel pain
Each time I feel death calling me

I start believing in the voices
The ones that say I'm worthless
The ones that say It wont be better
The ones that say I'm not enough

Cause they're right
I don't know when will be the last time
I write something
I think It'll be soon now

As I feel like I'm close
Close to breaking down
Close to doing it
Close to entering my final breath

Soon I shall utter my final words
Not now
Soon
I'll be a memory

Not a good one to most people
And forgotten by the rest
Almost time to say goodbye
Justin Jul 2019
Kamusta ka,
Naaalala mo pa ba ako
O naaalala mo pa ba ang pagmahal ko

Aking L
Ang iyong damdamin ay saakin pa ba
O Nasa iba na

Aking L

Patawad dahil hindi ko talaga kaya
na mawala ka sa aking buhay

Aking L
sana nahanap muna ang
iyong kasayahan

Aking L

Kahit hindi man lang ako ang magpapasaya sa iyo
Minahal kita ng buong puso ko
This is gonna be in my native language so bear with me
Justin Sep 2018
It seems like I can't stop this unhealthy way of coping

The way that requires a blade embedded deep withing my skin
I still despise myself what's new
Justin Jan 2019
Ah
The cursed has struck
Yet again
I am alone

When will I find
Someone who
Can lift this
Curse of mine

The curse
Of the
Unloved
Rejected again
Justin Nov 2017
I'm dropped here
Into this mess
I'm trying my best
But it's not enough
It started to hurt
But I have to keep going
I'm not allowed to stop
Until I am accepted
Even if it hurts
I have to go
I am hurting myself for the sake of acceptance
Justin Jul 2019
I cant feel
anything
for others
anymore

You really
made me
addicted
to you

Made me
Yearn for
your touch
your smile

I cant
find love
from others
anymore

Even if
You're not
with me
anymore

I'm still
waiting
until
you're back
Unhealthy addictions
Justin Nov 2018
I am ****
For the lies
For the words
For the promises

I never intended to do

But for what
What reasons
For committing
These acts

It was the Guilt

The guilt that I kept you alive
The guilt that eats me up
The guilt that I broke your heart once
And the guilt that I am lying to keep you happy now

I all hurts

These chains that bind me
The binds of your feelings
For the one you see "me" as
But not the "me" i actually Am

I can't keep up

For you blinded yourself on what you want
But I cannot give you what I am
For It is not the one you really need
Nor the one you really deserve

It consumes me

The feelings of what keeps me up at night
The feelings that have bounded me to this
The feelings of what I failed to get rid off
That feeling that is slowly breaking me

It's eating me up as this goes on yet I cannot get rid of it
The relationships I have is a curse I put myself and others at risk
Justin Jul 2019
It's gonna a while huh
before we're gonna
See each other

How are you by the way
I've been good
I think since

My heart has a hole
But that's not your fault
Mostly mine really

I really do miss you
like really do
a lot

But as you said we needed to grow
Grow up but not with each other
Grow up cause we cant be with each other

Not until then
We both meet
the requirement

I'm already feeling lonely
and you might have found
someone else already

Even though you said you really love me
But probably not enough as that guy
But for me though

I really did love you
I really do love you
And even now

I still love you,

If you see this, its either we're back or you've gone to someone else
But until then
I'll wait
Justin Nov 2018
Obviously, I'm holding up okay.
I'm holding my head up high.
But there's a twist to that.
I'm holding it up, with a noose.

Like always, I'm still on the edge.
Started to hold my self.
With smoke and nicotine.
So I wouldn't fall over again.
I'm writing this with a migraine.
Justin Feb 2018
I am the worst
I vowed to never
Ever hurt anyone

Yet I hurt you
I didn't mean to
But I did it

I lead you on
By accident
But who would believe that

Who would believe
The person who recieved
Your love

But never gave anything in return
I am the worst
Justin Jan 2018
I am a man
Therefore I must think and act like one
I must not show emotion
Nor weakness
Yet here I am
A living proof that we can be
Whatever we choose to me
Who are you to dictate
That I shan't show
How I feel
Who are you to say
That I can't be what I want to be
Just because of the parts I have
It is my life
And I shall live how I please
Judged yet unmoved
Justin Nov 2017
I hate myself
This unchanging self
The questions of why
Sticks to my mind

She was my light
The hope in my darkness
But like the others
This light faded

My heart was broken
But I'm used to it
From shards and pieces
Now Ash and dust

I'm cursed to fall
Fall alone
Never having someone
Right by my side

As I slit my wrist
I'm filled with bliss
My broken world
Falls into this void
I dont know what i'm writing anymore
Justin Dec 2017
I find it amazing
To find someone like you

The person who managed to fix
My heart that was broken through the years

In only one day
I love you
Justin Jan 2019
The voices tell me of a man
The homewrecker heartbreaker
They call him
They say that he was cursed

Cursed to be unloved
So he sought out for it
But he ended up a nuisance
Breaking into others hearts

Or rather
Breaking back in to some
But as it always ended
He was still an invader

There is no place for him
No place anywhere
Even to those who
Offered him a place

He cannot feel at ease
He knows his own horrors
His own actions
He knows he brings nothing but ruin
This feeling is back
I thought it was gone but no
Justin Aug 2018
It seems self harm became my new coping mechanism
When the pain that is delivered to my wrists
As the blade slowly slides down on it
I feel like I forget all the pain and sorrows I have

The stress from all these problems I deal with
Have a common solution withing all of them
Love? Bleed, Stressed? bleed, Crippling darkness
that surrounds my world
Just bleed

It is not a normal way of coping
But the pain surely makes me forget
About all these things that just seems
To be bothering me for a while

So please excuse me
While I deal with more problems
In the best way I can
With a sharp blade on the skin of my body
Please dont do this at home
Im seriously just ****** in the head right now
Justin Oct 2018
Another night
Where I stained
My pillow case again

Stained it with tears and blood
As I left another heart
broken

Unhealthy coping
Is the only thing
Giving me comfort

For it brings me
One more step
Closer to death
Breakdowns are fun
Justin Aug 2018
August 25, 2018

Dear Diary,

It seems I've gone and done it again
I've made another poor soul suffer
I hoped that my heart would finally rest
Yet the uneasiness never wavered
It tells me to accept it
Accept the feelings that I ran away from 7 months ago
Accept the feeling that I buried deep inside because I was too scarred to face the fact that it's normal to get hurt
I suffered greatly
But until I can rest
Let me smile with the pain as red liquid pours out of my wrists
I hope she can forgive me
As I still love her deeply

Sign, Me
I cut myself deeply with words and a blade
Justin Dec 2017
I have learned a lesson

To never find anyone

Who would attempt to fix

This broken heart of mine

But rather

Find the one

Who'll accept this heart

And only then will it be fixed
I have fallen for someone
Justin Dec 2017
I get the same question from people
The question why
Why wont you give up on me
Or
Why wont you stop helping me
I love helping people
People who experience the same pain I feel
So let me help
Even if I cant see my own light
I can see yours
So for once
Let me show it
Justin Sep 2018
Love
A statement I've heard before
People say it's the best feeling
in the world, but it's not
We all know that song
"What is love, baby don't hurt me" right
But that's basically what Love is
It's nothing but pain and sorrow
With only a tiny hint of euphoria
And that euphoria only comes
To cover the the fact that the process
of love is impaling them with a blade
slowly embedding it deep upon their heart
And that is what love is
It's that blade you just stabbed them with
The blade that you will have to pull out of them
once you stop loving them
That's why it ******* hurts
It hurts when they stop loving you as
you are left to bleed out your emotions
Writhing in pain as they pull out the blade
slowly and mercilessly from your heart
Catching a glimpse of that
Moment of tangency
Seeing what might have been
If you just change
But now you are left with
That sinking feeling of Alazia
And a massive hole in your heart
continuously bleeding out
Those emotions that you have
That you wanted to give
To that one person you were suppose to love
That is why we crave
For the comfort of others
When we get our hearts broken
For we want to bleed out our emotions
To other people
As that feeling of love
Is quite addicting
That is why I try to find other ways
To cope with this
Addiction I have
The addiction of love
Even if I have to rely
On the comfort of a blade
As I cut my wrists
Just so I can use pain
As a distraction
In this madness
You call love
My teacher told me to describe what "Love" is
Justin Jan 2019
I've only felt happiness in my memory
But it all changed when you came to me
As I saw you with red cheeks
I was immediately smitten

I feel like the cursed has been lifted
By your presence alone
As a reward for that
accept my love and what remains of my soul

I will be yours
Till the end of my life
I can finally feel love once more
To you I'll give it all

Through everything I will risk
Even if the world comes crashing down
I will be right beside you
I promise you that
Not the best love poem
But this is a first for me ok
Justin Dec 2017
I want to see the day
When someone asks
"Are you okay"
I could muster the courage
To say I never was
Justin Dec 2018
I'm not going back
Just to take your parts
I'm not going back
Only to fix myself

I'm back here
To help tend your parts
I'm back here
To help fix the damage

I'm not here to take
I'm here to help
I don't know about a reset button, but I'm here to face demons
Justin Aug 2018
You were my favourite anti-depressant
In those dark days I had

Everytime we would speak
I was getting addicted

When the addiction happened
I knew I needed more

I took too much
And here i fell

Back into the void
I lay down

With a pillow
Covered in tear stains and blood
Still not over it
Justin Oct 2017
Your love was my medicine
It was my drug
I was addicted to it
When I feel it
I feel alive
But in the end
You gave me a placebo
I thought it was real
But it only felt like it
Justin Aug 2018
Another night
With a stained pillow
This time with tears

As I breakdown in sorrow
I hope for the best
The person you're with

Will give you the love
I never gave to you
In our time together

So please don't
Apologise anymore
As it breaks me even more

To see you hate yourself
Just breaks the remaining pieces
Of the heart I have
I'm glad you told me
And I hope that person
Gives you the love I never gave you
Justin Sep 2018
I have succumb
To this scent
The scent of a heart
A heart that has
Accepted me
It is addicting
As it is dangerous
I will commit to try
And keeping this scent
To be a part of me
I have moved on
Justin Aug 2018
It was as if the world stopped
As we said our farewells to each other

Mixed emotions came in
As the tears from my eyes came down

I write this poem
For the sake of reminding you

That I still love you
Even if we chose to go on our separate ways from now

To you the girl who loved too much
I hope my feelings have reached to you
I still love you so please don't cry
Justin Jan 2019
Even If I'm not in your heart
I will stand by you

Even if your world falls apart
I will stand by you

No matter how ****** you think you are
I will stand by you

No matter what happens
I will stand by you
I'm gonna keep giving you pieces of my heart
Because you deserve it more than I do
Justin Aug 2018
I still suffer until now
Ever since that night
I'm still a wreck

The pain in my wrists
Feels like its growing
Much worst than before

How much more
Do i have to suffer
To answer that

How much damage
Have I given
To her

Only once I've
Suffered enough
Only then

I may finally rest
It hurts even more so
Justin Aug 2018
Here I am again

In this bottomless pit of despair

How long have I been here

Months? Weeks? Years?

I've lost count already

This is what I get

For releasing those demons

That I've kept in check

It doesn't bother me

That I've started to drown

From my own folly
I've been going down hill ever since...
Justin Jan 2019
The demon who sought to love
Has taken a liking
To a girl who
found light in him

Yet this girl
Has sold her soul
To a devil
Sought to exploit her

The demon wanted
To find a way to free her
Yet the girl has accepted
Her Terrible fate that awaited
I really want to help this person
Justin Jan 2019
Your scent still
Lingers within
My soul

Yet it feels
Faded now
As you aren't here

But I know
We'll see each other
Soon enough

That I don't have
To be anxious
About losing my fix
I already miss her even tho i just saw her yesterday
Justin Aug 2018
Hello again,

I think the proper way of starting this is with an apology
But it's already too late
For you are finally gone from my life
And from now on I'm gonna be honest with these emotions

I guess the saying "You never know how much something
means to you until they're gone" has struck me
And all I have left is to write before I break down

You were a sweet person, You were the one who always managed to make me laugh, even on those days where I felt like most of the world was against me, You stayed with me, talking to me until the sun comes up in the morning, sharing every little detail on those emotions your fragile heart has bottled up, but I broke that.

I've always regretted these memories, all the good times we had, all those those times we spent with each other, I always felt regretful for wasting those precious moments I spent with you, because all those happiness turns into a weapon that both engraved a deep scar in both of our hearts.

I tried to keep you within my reach for when the time comes until I can learn how to love properly, but how did that turn out, I found someone else who I feel like I'm incapable of loving properly as I still suffer from the damage I caused for the both of our hearts.

In the end I'm suffering, suffering from wishing I could hear your voice again, suffering from remembering all those moments I spent awake being with you, suffering because I ended up breaking both of our hearts due to my ineptitude of feeling love.

You were the one of the only ones who helped me, who stayed with me, who tried to help me find an escape in the darkness that lurked withing my mind.

I hope for the best that being away from me has helped you, cause even I wouldn't want to be with me too.

Sincerely,
The boy who couldn't love
I know you probably won't see this, But i truly am sorry for hurting you
Justin Sep 2018
Love...
A cursed word
That I call my prison
The cell
The ruins of what's left
Of my broken heart
It's dark
Damp
And Nothing but shards
Which has buried deep
Within my skin
Waiting for someone
To find the key
And release me
From this hell
Someone has found the key
Justin Oct 2017
Nobody can change overnight
Everything goes well when the time is right
A relationship will end
But a broken heart will mend
Justin Jan 2019
A new dawn has arrived

And So are did the demons

From the past I've left

Nothing now

But to accept

The darkness

I am in this void

I chose to be imprisoned

But I didn't say

I don't like it
I have no clue
I'm in a darker mindset
Blood will run
Probably from my wrist
Justin Jan 2019
Connect my heart with yours

So we can both feel whole again
Piece by piece
Im losing more
Justin Dec 2017
I don't want to feel anymore

I just want to die

Nobody would care

If I disappear

Or wouldn't wake up

It's no ones fault

But my own

For I am weak

I want to **** myself

This miserable self

Even if I don't die

I just want it to stop
Justin Nov 2018
Why, just why
I chained you up
And buried you deep
Within the darkness

Yet why does it burn
When my best friend
Told me he has
Fallen for you

I tried forgetting these feelings
I tried killing it off
By finding others
Burying it deep

I don't know
What to call it
Is it Jealousy?
Or something else

I don't want to lose
A close friend
Just because
Of my feelings

The feelings that haven't died
The feelings I have denied
The feelings that I lied
For the sake of myself
Please, How do i stop this again
Justin Oct 2017
She broke my heart
Why is she worried
I became damaged
Why is she worried
I've fallen into despair
Why is she worried
She doesn't want to do it
That's why she's worried
I only looked at my damage
But I never saw hers
That's why now I worry
I'm new to this
Justin Dec 2017
My reality is different
I live in a world
Where people cheer for my demise
Where people find entertainment
From the moment I stop breathing
It's a messed up one
But I'm stuck here
Justin Sep 2018
You managed to get me to stop waiting

How does it feel

Did it feel great

As I succumb into madness

As you plunge a blade deeper into my heart

With only a few sets of words

I have gone mad
I used to love flowers
now I despise them
Due to a flower girl
planting seeds
and making me
choke on those flowers
as they bloom

— The End —