Lost, alone and terrified
In solitude I forever will confide
Maybe I will just end it with suicide
Everything will be better if I just died

All those voices in my head
All the tears I may have shed
I’ve got fear and anxiety, disgust and dread
I sank in darkness while I lay in bed

I just can’t take it anymore
This uneasy feeling, I never can ignore
Go back to the corner with pain and sore
Enticing myself with blood and gore

My soul corrupted, my faith all gone
It’s too late to save me, I am done

oh the clock ticks
tocks
towards my departure
new place
almost-new life
i’m terrified and excited

oh, how hard it is
to understand how
soon
it is

Late night texts
Sleepy eyes
Small smiles
Butterflies

Stolen moments
Held inside
Beating heart
Stupefied

~

Left alone
Tear filled eyes
Chapped lips
Scarred thighs

Empty promises
Cast aside
Broken heart
Terrified

~j.l.

I am terrified to let you know how I really feel
But time is spinning forward faster than a wheel
Each day that passes is another chance I lose
Cowardly silence is what I always seem to choose
For what if I let my polished surface crack?
Only to discover you don't love me back?
So I act indifferent, like I don't care at all
Determined not to be the first to text or call
I'm safer with you thinking I don't give a ****
You have no idea how badly I'm stuck
Controlled by the fear of getting hurt once more
That's what happened when I shared feelings before
But they keep growing, I have nowhere to hide
They have almos filled me up completely inside
And I start to wonder how much longer
I'm able to pretend these emotions aren't stronger..
I'll admit I'm scared to tell you what is inside my heart
But which am I more afraid of? Being real? Or being apart?

i feel like a ghost. i'm just numb and moving forward to nowhere. i'm tired of fake friendships and i'm tired of having no goals. during this time full of beginning i am immersed in the ending of the only good thing i had. i want everyone to step away from me. not in some tragically dramatic way, i just think i need time to create myself and find me because god i feel so lost. i'm craving adventure and freedom because my mind is locked up and terrified of almost everything. i miss being myself. i don't know when exactly i lost myself or where i went, but i haven't seen myself since you drove me home.
come back, i miss myself.