Born in  romania, adopted to canada
Traumatizing experiences shape me
But they don’t shape me no more
As i walk  i walk alone
This is the ******* path that i choose
I had many a friends
But they did not mean anything to me
Honour
That is really important
Discpline
That makes life beautiful
But never too perfect
The victims if terrorism before me
I was a a victim of terrorism
A victim of war
But now i survive i am a survivor
The world needs more positivity
Less anger and hate
That is baggage think about the
Hope and love that needs to be spread amoung
Us all
Like butter on bread
Think twice before you speak
For it will be the last someone hears
Think twice before you act
For it will be the last someone see

“Good morning [redacted] high school!   Today we will be preforming our lockdown drill.”
“Please remember it is just a drill.”
Just a drill is what they say as if I’m not practicing what could very well
be the way I die
Just a drill this time but what about next?
You want me to hide in the corner
Quiet as a mouse
The lights turned out
Make it seem like we aren’t there
But we are
We are there
Being hunted
In a place we are meant to learn math
Not how to use a tourniquet
It is just a drill
But it wasn’t drill for other kid
The one who didn’t go home yesterday
The one whose mom is crying?
Maybe the first grader who can’t wear light up shoes
Because he might need to hide
I am not their target practice
If I don’t stand up for my rights
Who will
That’s the thing about my generation
We don’t know when to stand up
We’ve been taught to
Sit down
Be quiet
Paint yourself as the black sleep
It’s just a drill
Until it’s your child.

I was so young barley double digits
All I needed was a hug
To be told everything would be ok
Nothing seemed ok
I was changing
Everyone was changing
I stopped worrying about if my bike tires had air
Instead I started worrying about my hair
Why were people staring
I worried about what was wrong with me
Why was I like this
too loud
Too sensitive
Too different
I needed a hug
But I picked up the blade
I need to feel something
I wanted the pain
I was 10 when the lines began
I was just a child
Barley double digits
Who reached for the blade
Instead of reaching for some help

When I die
No one will mourn
There will be a funeral
Many will attend
mourning someone
That died when I was 10
The gravestone will be mistaken
About who I am
The people will weep
And mourn for long
But not for me
For they have it wrong
They will mourn the girl in the casket
A shell of who I once was
No one will mourn me
That is no lie
When I die they will mourn the shell
of a girl i once was
But the little boy inside
who’s always wanted to come out
No one will mourn him
Ace will be forgotten
He will be erased.

When you try to **** yourself
They lock you up
You’re a danger to yourself and others
“We’re here to help”
By helping they meant giving me medication
Till I am a zombie
No longer myself
But a shell of who I used to be
Why didn’t they notice all I needed was a hug
Not to be stuck
In these padded walls
“They are only here to help you”
But by helping they make me feel broken
I am not normal
I’ll never be normal
I am broken so bad
“Only we can fix you”
They says that they’ll fix me
But every time I feel
Less and less of whom I used to be
No worries in the world
Just dirt on our knees
But now we’re grown up
And there is no turning back to the way I used to be.

Simon Says
The game is easy
When Simon Says to do it you do
But if Simon didn’t say you don’t
Simple right?
Simon Says is a game of control
To train the children to do what their told
Simon says shut up and sit down
Stare ahead and don’t mutter a word
Take these notes about Romeo and Juliet
Because that’s more useful than teaching how to pay rent
The Game is a system
To keep you in line
Why are you tired?
Simon didn’t say you could be tired
Tired of the burnout
Tired of the relentless pressure
Simon says if you don’t do well you’ll fail in life
But it’s all just a game of Simon Says
Right?

You
Are the sole reason
That my dentist
Makes money.

Let me tell ya’
‘Cause I,

I’ve got your
Sugar in my veins
And tremors in my teeth
Chit-chattering your name
Safe between our sheets
It’s sweet like

Honey
Since our third date
You had my thread
Spread tenderly
On your table
Set with love
And grace

And there I was
Stitching my heart on a page
Tryna hide my baggage
On a shelf

Now

When I think of myself
I see a river
That’s got to learn
To go with the flow

So,
Send me a rhythm
For the drum beat
Beating in my chest

Let me
Carve our love
In the mountains

Mount every branch
With my beaten lungs

Tape my tongue
To your thighs
And hold my breath
Until we are
So alive

Until every
Hard workin’
Upstanding
Friendly neighborhood
Ant knows my name

So name me your soldier
I’ll fight for every piece of you
Love you like the war
Is finally over

Like winter
Is the only thing
That ain’t
Gonna come

Cause Your ****
Is like a tree
That just
It just
Keeps growing
On me

It takes my breath away
And breathes me back to life

You
Soaked my
Leaves autumn red
In your sunflower sunshine

You
Have rainy days
Warm like

Honey
Give me one room
To come home to
And I will
write you a garden
Full of poems
That I do not yet
Know how
To speak

‘Till your name
Is the sweetest
Word on my tongue

Calling you up like

Honey
Honey
Mmmm.