Clementines on a Sunday morning

I've had a taste of love
I fell down
Way too many times
This feeling's so surreal
Must be crime... Crime?

Subtle, subliminal
You come around like a criminal
And leave me yearning
For your
Clementines on a Sunday morning.

Encased, as an oil painting,
behind a plane of glass.
Years of exposure dulling the canvas,
no funding to restore the brightness
of the subject's lifeless eyes.
They lay dormant, cloudy,
From a lifetime of accumulative debris.
Transferred between people, buildings, countries;
Memories on display for brief intervals,
Then packaged and returned to storage,
As if they were never your own.
People shift, distorted, beyond the coffin of glass.
Their movements hazy,
The shutter speed slow.
Colours muted,
Sounds muffled,
Melting into each other.
An abstract watercolour, waxing and waning.
Low resolution projections on a dimly lit screen -
A theatre seating but one.

What is this feeling
I can't seem to shake?
I know im not dreaming
But i dont feel awake

I look all around me
But nothing feels real
My heart keeps on pounding
it's all i can feel

What is this feeling
that steals all my breath?
Whatever i do
it won't make me fear less

I look at the world
But it's just one big dream
Reality is fading
It's not what it seems

I call out for help
But nobody can hear me
The silence within
Is all that is near me

Im trapped in my mind
with no place to go
this life is an illusion
im all on my own

thoughts just slip away
suddenly the whole world around me is spinning
and i’m stuck behind an invisible glass pane
i look down at hands that are now no longer my own
lights are blinding, voices overwhelming
demanding and persecutory
everybody hates me, i need to hurt myself
time is somehow suspended?
i can’t control it
screaming but nobody can hear me
i know that they’re all out to get me
running- not sure where
apparitions of the future
i’m dying
the darkness engulfs

Overcome the apathy, disconnected truth
We, our fractured vanity, the forbidden fruit
A line once drawn, towards the edge we’ve toyed
Reality now gone, journeying into the void

Witch-fed lies, as we timidly believe
The vagrant’s cries, nothing special to see
Listlessly we begin to die, but this is not we
Forever asking, why this has to be

The intertwined insanity, a stricken route
Became lost in profanity, once in our youth
Striving towards a new dawn,  only to avoid
The paths of an old pawn, as lines get destroyed

Once uplifted to fly, to never deceive
This vagrant’s only ply, is a subtle belief
To never be shy, and only wish to receive
Or, to rely on what he believes

Heavy weight on top of me
Icy
falling asleep
Eyes weak and droopy
Body in cement
Paralyzed
My spirit floating on top of my lifeless body,
Death is that you?
Why must you come and visit me but never take me to your home?
And yet you won’t let me leave
I want to let go but it seems you have me entranced by your numbness,
I want to be light as air,
Not heavy like a boulder.
I want my spirit back
Why did you take it away from me
Why did you take the vibrancy
Why did you take my eyes to see
Let me go or take me with you

My body disintegrates
in front of my own eyes
And I slowly flow into the air.

I can see everything from up here,
from the bigger image
to the tiniest of details
The wind carries me through towns,
cities,
states,
countries,
parks and houses,
oceans and deserts,
through the lives of many.

I live vicariously through your life,
your problems are my problems,
your feelings my feelings.
You mold my shapeless existence
around yourself.  

I am the scary waves
fighting against each other,
I am the sun
that burns your skin,
I am the rain that soaks
through your clothes
and leaves you cold and lonely.
I am the sunset
that softly paints golden the afternoon,
the moon that shines where lovers meet,
the worn out,
brittle pages that fill your heart with joy
and make your mind wonder.
Im am everything that exists
and ever existed
and I am nothing at once.
I am an empty shell
Resting at the bottom
Of the lonely, dark ocean floor
I feel nothing,
I am no one.