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Ikaros Nov 2019
I know it's early to judge
but this lifetime seems to be
the one
where I get to meet all the past loves
                                                 losts foes
in once and all, it's like a
curtain call
one walks in, we clap
              next!
wait I didn't quite-
              next!
        repeat that please I'm not over yet

there must've been a story
and behind each, many
but I fell asleep and I forgot
       for me it's this one night
                                  one night only
plot? only bows and poses
and when I'm lucky, a brief glimpse
of what could have been
         can be seen behind the red velvet

I throw roses, try to catch a glance
                                                a home
anything but a dead end
but it's not meant to be, no room for
not this time around

                        "partner in crime"
                                      "twin flames"
all or nothing, told the Playbill
I miss you i miss you you you all still
                              "best friend"
                "soulmates"
yesterday left the last train for closure
need to wait two light years more for our future
for the price of you all it all just
                                            breaks               "This must be fate"
                    "I get you"
                         and the play is through
            I know we've done this before

cheers!
the last bow leads to a
roaring applause
     I get my heart signed after the show
          it too plays its part
          knows it's not enough
and I too know,  I know
                                              lights out        
    end this round I want to go home
It be like that sometimes I guess
Ikaros Nov 2019
We talked about love, and you said:
"Like there's this strawberry
Or, ****, something sweet like that
In front of me but out of reach
And, you know, never tasted one
Is it time yet?"
      and man, I don't know should I feel lucky or jealous
See I've had my share of berries
Tasted more happiness I think a heart can fit
        Maybe it's allergies, I guess, as
I keep throwing up
Starving after a breakfast in bed
This sounded less innuendoy in my head, I swear
Ikaros Nov 2019
guard the grave
trough the dark days the light nights
in my hand: a shovel, ready
for memories digging their way up through
the veils of pretending
think they still have a heartbeat

while down in the soil
I sleep better I now get to in my own bed
do you remember, the dreamer whispers
how you used to gaze the
glow-in-dark stars
not afraid of the dark but looking for a wish

tonight the sky above frames of dirt
laughs with the distant suns
behind my back

I lie with myself
in the cold lap of earth
I lie with myself
up there ready with: the shovel, the guilt

and the glow-in-dark stars warned me, I think
of how our lips turned blue years ago
that it's me I'm burying over and over again
it's me who is dead
but I'm warm, I'm good
I lie with myself
Ikaros Nov 2019
o **** that fake moody mockup?
the one with teary laugh! too quick feet!
etymology; from rival to flying to fall
matchstick underwater
brims over leftover feelings
burn the stage & hope it's not overdramatic
what to run from? barks every tree
8pm morning coffee for a lost boy
catch me
There was a prompt to introduce yourself in 50 words, I guess that's that?
Ikaros Nov 2019
what doesn't **** you makes you
fight yourself
to bring both
a knife and a gun to the fight
behind the club on your kitchen floor on the rooftop
of your old middle school

tho this is not Fight Club and you
are not Tyler D
you fight by shutting down
by a private debate;
offender vs defender vs the spite

your left hook
is to resist the urge to cut off
all your friends and maybe some skin
doesn't always land
but you box your best

some days you grab your own shirt collar
back meets the wall, a stern stare
you flinch -
never know if it's about
though love, shaking in some sense
or will loser hit the asphalt
Ikaros Nov 2019
there’s a scream stuck in my throat
lives behind the picket fence
of my gritted teeth

(I’ve always breathed through it
drowned ever since)
and the scream

like a poltergeist
destroys everything that haunts it that it haunts
it’s waiting to take over

like the monster from my nightmares
(kills me in our yard the dark empty living room
the roadsides that forest nearby
it greets me in the kindergarten too
and nobody else hides)

bares its maw burning abysmal

(not with rage but with
the heavy unease of a barrage falling on the lowest piano keys
the sharpest alarm
of plates and glasses and voices shattering flying far)

hurts
hurts and screams the wolf

like a child
(a difficult one no way around it yet
“look the potential leaks with every page read song stuttered
perfectly mirrors two portraits in one downfall and isn’t it
a ******* funny anecdote
how this is going to end us all”

but don’t you cry regret crawl
nothing not this not ever even Nobody’s fault
sum of its worst parts and a bit more
core overflowing dry)

shrieks screeches chokes on tears
louder than fear it grows shriller as you near
screams

(I forgot the reason
my name if you ever gave such
but our anger
our anger is all we have left so it is ours and it is us)

stops barely to breathe
never to swim always to fall
as there’s too much and too little to feel to get out to calm

(asleep I rush in the invisible tar
stay still yet still run as to stay still there is to lose it all
myself the war the last trench rot
soft pedal stuck down on my curses my calls of help
but to stop is as good as to not
so in a dusty ball under the bed I run with my tears and I yelp)

never to surrender
or surrenders only when
there’s no door to hit with its jagged little fists

(became an enemy territory when the barricade
made of this small shivering stubborn bag of bones
a desk and my red plastic armchair
gave way in
caved)

no trusty dear book to tear to bits
(as all suddenly lie scattered sad and judging broken apart
who could’ve done them so wrong I used to bawl
though I knew just a sob ago
I chose every and each one to maul)

when every bark every breath of energy has drained out
and its vocal cords break too hard
only then
can it sink back
shrink itself to fit my raw rickety heart

but the scream
the scream has my lungs guts and arms
firm grip
no mind all harm

still dreams of dread with open eyes
eats the sheep hogs my blanket
feeds on restless sleep
falls off the cliff to return like a villain dies

— The End —