I was taught in science that matter and energy cannot be created or destroyed, and is simply manipulated into different forms and transferred to other objets.
In Psychology I was taught about the pre-frontal cortex, and how it houses the emotions of the human soul, and about the hippocampus which carefully extracting these emotions into long term memory so they can live forever. I wasn’t taught how these emotions were conserved.

I started wondering to myself, where the **** do the emotions one puts into another go?  
Can emotions be created or destroyed inside the pre-frontal cortex?
Or are they simply transferred from mine to yours, which allows you to put effort into someone else, leaving my emotional remnants to manipulate themselves into pain?

Am I able to transfer my feelings into your PFC so they can spark a reaction with whats inside and manipulate them into something different?
Maybe thats how mutual feelings come about.
But would it not work if your necessary reactants have already been transferred elsewhere? I assume my emotions would react with your painful remnants to leave you neutral again, giving you the choice to forget him or feed him a bit more.

Then how the **** do the feelings of one change as time goes on?
I assume that infatuation never completes its journey to the hippocampus and simply passes through the PFC.
But how do emotions get manipulated into something negative after the rare chance that they complete the savage journey to the long term chamber?
The intermolecular forces of the bond created between us possibly gets overcome by something more powerful.
Something that has been freshly transferred into the PFC of one of the emotional bond carriers; like fear, or the emotional energy of someone new, and she’ll tell him “it wasn’t meant to be”
Which explains how you can move on whilst I can’t as my bond is also broken, but without consent, my their emotions to go haywire and destroy my psyche as they’re not bonded to anything.
I’m “broken”.

Although the intermolecular forces of the emotions inside your PFC have been overcome and manipulated into something new, the old emotional bonds still exist in her hippocampus, as well as his.
Emotions will constantly haunt me from there, creating constant relapse as the painful memories are resurrected and transferred back into his PFC.
They’ll haunt you too, possibly reacting with your current state to create regret.
Either regret of breaking the bonds or forming them in the first place.
I’ll reach a neutral state again, and you will have your turn to be broken when emotions from someone else are transferred respectively.
But we’ll never forget each other.

So i guess love never dies. Only active love. As the emotions in the hippocampus are set in stone whilst that in the PFC are transferred and manipulated, just like matter, and energy.

After all, we are just matter, with energy.

My father asked me how my love life was
I always get embarrassed talking to him about this topic
Wondering if he’ll be disappointed that I’ve never had a girlfriend for longer than a month ignoring that he’s always telling me I’m too young for something long term.
I told him about you, I told him about the one before you too.
He asked me why I don’t pursue relationships
Why I constantly push people away

“I’m afraid of being responsible for the emotions of another being, afraid of being the blade that pierces their souls, taking that last bit of innocence they have left. I can’t take the guilt of being the person to cause an emotional tipping or turning point in someone else’s life.” I answered. “I don’t have a consciences guiltless enough to be running through someone else’s head I never wanted to be in without splitting myself in half.”

He asked me if that was true then why am I helplessly putting myself in the pre stages of my own potential nightmare, and not leaving it out all together.

“You see dad,” I replied, "I’d rather take the risk of quivering in my bed every night, recovering from the casualties inflicted when those hands hacked at my chest and broke my ribs before extracting my heart, and have that tongue lick my ribs clean to the bone, in the hopes of having those same hands pulling me up from the undertow when the tide gets higher, and have that same cannibalistic tongue whispering empty sounds in my ear in the hopes that I don’t let go. I’d prefer to have that dance with fate than be responsible for the suffering of someone else.”  

I tilted my neck forward as I awkwardly ran my fingers through my hair.  

“I’m searching for someone to be responsible for my bliss and suffering instead.”

I hope that in 20 years you'll be painting on a canvas under the night sky whilst admiring a blood full moon and be reminded of me and ask yourself if I still smoke Marlboro red and love guitar solos more than silence and then googling my band to see if we actually got somewhere.

I hope that 20 years from now you'll be painting on a canvas under the night sky whilst admiring a super moon after we finally calmed our son's nerves down about his first day of school in the morning and tucked him in and let out a sigh of relief when I kiss your neck from behind and carefully place a cup of coffee in your hand.

once all my hope was lost
I realized it was never even there
just an intangible creation of my psyche
formed to stabilize my sanity
preventing me to break down over not having what the hope is there for

it filled me up deeply and widely
dissolving everything that used to be there and defecting a massive hole with it's departure
burning away at the rest of my insides
as if I'd downed a liter of hydrochloride acid

I try to fill up the gap
But everyone that I try to let in unintentionally corrodes in the acid
I look up to the man that instilled hope on this world
I beg him to take away the emptiness
But how can someone that doesn't exist take away something that isn't there?