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 Oct 2014
Clare
The last few evenings have been revealing.

A few discarded mugs,
A few balled sheets
of paper and what not,
A few dreams half painted
on cheap chart papers.
In all that mess, a single voice
soundlessly telling stories...

There was never much to say,
There was never much to hear.

If only living could be
in the number of charts
and balled sheets,
In mugs used and thrown
about a room that reeks
of neglect and disillusionment.

If only living could be
In the monsoon of mess,
In the drought of tears,
In the freezing of feelings,
In the ocean of fears,
In hands that held,
In shrines visited,
In songs of adulation,
In fingers of accusation,
In hopes and desperation,
Or even in lone portations...

I'd say, I've lived a lifetime,
Sure, I feel old.
 Jul 2014
Megan Kirkham
But some things are just too broken to be fixed,
No matter how hard you try
Because pain doesn’t care if you’d give anything
To stop someone from hurting inside
It will take everything you have
Even if what you have
Is nothing at all
And I stopped believing that love conquers all
When I tried to show her how perfect she is
But she still didn’t want to hear the words
‘You are beautiful’
Because she fell in love with a sadness that did not belong to her
She fell in love with the pain that she saw in movies
Or read about in books
She fell in love because she wanted to know what it felt like
To have a reason to want to **** yourself
She fell in love with that pain and she kept it as her own
So on the nights she wakes up screaming because she is scared
Not of the monsters in the closet, but the ones in her head
On those nights, there is nothing I can do but
Sit there and watch her trembling, trying to regain her breath
I can only sit there and watch her cry,
Watch her fall apart one more time
When we met, she told me not to fall in love with her
Because she breaks everything she touches
But the truth is,
The only thing she’s been breaking is her own heart and soul
And she won’t stop until there is nothing left but
Broken whispers of the girl she used to be
 Jul 2014
Megan Kirkham
I can pick at my skin for hours
Focus on every conceivable flaw
Shake until my body curls up on the shower floor
Most have never seen me at my worst, when
I’m stuck in an apathetic neutral state
Washed out between the highs of my need for thrill
And the lows of panic screaming in my veins
I have the the soul of an extrovert beaten to submission
Shot down and repeating the mantra “worthless”
What do you believe, if not yourself
How could I?
How many more steps do I take before I’m back,
Before the mirror doesn't make me want to shatter
What is my mantra now?
 Jul 2014
Megan Kirkham
But can biology explain
the physical pain
in my chest
that I feel only
when someone
whispers your
name
 Jul 2014
Megan Kirkham
You were
The only one
That tried to heal
Me
But I should have
Realized
That too much
Medicine
Can stop your
Heart from
Beating
 Jul 2014
Megan Kirkham
Being with you was like
being in a car
with the gas pedal slammed
down to the floor and
nothing to do but hold
on and pretend to have
some semblance of control.
But control was
something I'd lost a
long time
ago
 Jul 2014
Megan Kirkham
Learning to breathe again is
Harder than the doctors
Said it would be

Gasping for air
And I find myself
Choking on your
Name
I'm sorry for being a mess tonight
 Jul 2014
Megan Kirkham
Love can be one sided but I still
Wonder if that is love at all
And then I think
That one sided love
Is probably the strongest
Love of them all
To love someone
Unconditionally, unwaveringly
Without receiving love back

That's true love
And true love
Never fails to
Break my heart
It's late and my mind is hurting I'm sorry
 Jul 2014
Chiyo
i'm slowing beginning to see a pattern appear
in the form of the everyday actions i carry out
as i open my window to eavesdrop on the bushes
whispered conversations in the breeze
as i change the guard of mugs and glasses
that stand watch on my bedside table
as my room obsesses over mess and grows attached to dust
and cobwebs
as i swim in a thousand pots of tea
as the night meets me at our corner between dusk and darkness
as he does since every day.
riding his bicycle
stars chasing wildly after him
and we are reunited once again
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