You are beautiful
I see it in the way your crooked teeth show when you smile big enough to make me choke
I feel it in the soft cracks in your voice when you are nervous

You are beautiful
In the way that your body shakes with all the energy bursting through your fingertips like life isn’t always moving at your pace
In the way that your brows furrow when you are focused

You are beautiful
Like the golden red and orange sunset reflecting on the ocean and big puffy clouds tinted pink
Like handpicked bouquets you gave to your mother when you were 7

I love the way your toes curl and your hands shake when you’re anxious
I love brushing my fingers across the soft expanse of your skin, every freckle and scar, the stretch marks that grew with every inch that you did

You are beautiful
I am so lucky to live a life with you in it

How do I convince you to love me?
I can make you tea and cookies
Or maybe mac and cheese
I can learn a song for you when you're feeling blue
I can kiss your neck and whisper why I want to be with you
I can wash your sheets and make your room neat
I can make your favorite snack
And if I do these things for you
Will you love me back?

The words keep t
                               w
                              i
                               ­  s
                                  t
                           ­     i
                                   n
                                 g
                                      in my mind
               Truths and lies
       Becoming h
                             a
                            r
                             d
                          e
                              r
  ­                               and harder to find
              Blurred together
      between h
                         o
                       l
                         l
                     o
                         w
                               and grey lines
         The differences becoming
               o
                 b
               s
                  t
              a
                 c
               l
                  e
               s
                   more difficult to define
    And life has lost all its
                                           l
                                             o
                                            v
                 ­                              e
                                                  and **rhyme

how many have met you
with their lips
or fingertips

or their pumping blood ***** attached to their hips


how many have seen your redness
how many have felt the blood you bestow
each month

it trickles
like water down cave side walls



my cave
how many have seen you

and not wanted to touch

why do they always want to touch


I curl inside my cunte
on days when my heart stops beating
anvils on my eyelids
keeping everything out of sight


so i don't look
i touch


I feel
the words
the whispers
upon my skin
the hair of my mons crawling like Medusa's crown

snakes, serpents
slithering


around
whatever is put inside

I will ****
if anyone touches me
again

I have to protect
myself