It controls her
She can't stop it
It's a constant battle
She can't drop it

It has become a habit
She can't quit
It's taking over her body
Bit by bit

The scars fade
But the memories don't
She wants them to leave
But they refuse.. They won't

It's an on going battle.
It's a fight she never wins
It's a constant struggle
It's a war that never ends

It's her sweet escape
It gets her lost in her own place
She gets to control the pain
As her adrenaline starts to race

She grabs it off the dresser
As a tear falls from her cheek
She presses even harder
Reminding herself not to shriek

No one understands
No one ever will
This habit now controls her
As the world around her stands still

But now the room is spinning
Her head is getting light
She falls back in her bed
Refusing to put up a fight

She takes one last breath as she turns out the lights
Then she closes her eyes as she calls it a night

I am not depressed.
I’m just revisiting
similar settings
where I was possessed
by depths
of melancholia
that I thought
no longer had
any hold on me.

I am not crying
except in dreams,
from which I wake
to escape sad scenes
of strange things
that never happened.

I not despondent.
I’m sure I will
respond if
someone
asks me to.

But this room does feel cold.
I have been sleeping a lot today.
Need to workout
but my gym is closed
and I have forgotten
how it feels to be passionate enough
to workout at home.

I am fine.
I swear that everything is ok.
I’ll see you tomorrow
whilst I stew over
the pains that slew
my yesterday moods.

Hello Little Bird
I wonder if you heard

We are locked indoors
I can only watch you soar

Would you listen to my song
Where did we go wrong

Please dont go away
I want you to stay

How selfish of me
I forgot you are free
And
We are Caged

What if every little thought
That lives inside your head
Instead of hiding away in there
Was spoken out, was said?

Would you be embarrassed?
Would you hate your mouth?
Would you rather be mute
Than let the truth come out?

What if every little thing
That people thought of you
Instead of being tucked away
Was heard, was listened to?

Would you be ashamed?
Would you cover your ears?
Would you rather be deaf
Than let the truth come near?

And what if every image
That passes through your thoughts
Was freed from its prison
To roam until it rots?

Would you be disgusted?
Would you look away?
Would you rather be blind
Than see your thoughts at play?

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come

The former me was immature
Was ignorant
Was insecure
Would instigate
And derogate
And hate
And hate
And hate
Irate
At something always
In the way,
Some implacable
Dismay
As sullen as
The color gray
Torrential was
The constant rain
Despondence
I still can’t explain
A rabid beast
I couldn’t tame
In every smiling face
Was pain
Contained within
The joy we feign
And all escape attempts
In vain
Except an early
Ego grave

Roses may be red,
But I'm always blue.
Someone could show me paradise,
And I'll see a grotesque view.

Roses may be red,
But sometimes I'm blue.
I'm aware of the sunlight,
And I'm slightly warmer too.

Roses may be red,
But I'm feeling less blue.
I've met you, extraordinaire,
A palette of colors, anew.

Roses may be red,
But I'm no longer blue.
You brought paradise to me,
Because paradise is you.

Stay immortal,
leave your legacy

Conquer the greatest dragon
rescue the bravest princess
find your hero
deep within

yes,
"i've got everything."
i know i do,
but the darkness doesn't discriminate
like you want it to.
it chases me despite my privilege,
despite my "perfect education,"
my "perfect family,"
my "perfect life,"
despite your protesting.
you cannot stop the darkness,
no matter how hard you try.
you cannot stop the darkness,
and neither can I.