And suddenly,
I couldn’t move.

All I knew
Was that I needed you.

But whatever I’m drowning in
Is heavier than my sins

They won’t hear a sound
As I sink down

I can only pray to hit the bottom
A quiet, private asylum

I have a rubber band ball snapping apart in the inside of my heart
And in my mouth, hitting clinched teeth
Being full of screams

Their vibrations tumble down
And I can feel each and every sound

They pull on my veins
And play them like guitar strings

They tingle the scars
Each one lighting up like stars

They ring like church bells
The sound unavoidable

They sing a lullaby

‘Scream and cry, scream and cry
Don’t you want to die
It’s not easy to say goodbye
Isn’t that why you lie?

Break the ties
Muffle your cries
Turn all of your screams to sighs

The anxiety will be over
It’s just a lullaby'

I hear voices down the hall

I called, and I called,

But they let me fall.
They said they didn't know me at all

I hear the voices now from far away
Are they in my head or here to stay?

If I am quiet
They won't hear my body sway

Away, away.

Never had I understood
How powerful words were

Until they came from you

Sticks and stones may shatter the bones
But your words filled their very marrow

They made me whole

I am calcified, unable to move,
Despite of the actions I know that are done by you

But my bones,
They cannot move.

I use to dream about jumping on trains and riding away
But now I know how slow they go
I would run for miles so fast
So I could let my thoughts slow

I’ve always looked for something quick to take me or save me
Maybe that’s why I gave so many people my heart
And walked away
So pieces of my soul are moving everywhere
Even though my body has to stay.

But now I’m leaving the city
In only a few days
To a small, quiet place
Where the heart doesn’t fit
A loving coup de grace
I could stand on a grassy hill
And scream for my home
But the air here stands still
Here, I am alone.
A city doesn’t hear such pleas
When sound only projects out
So city, please.
Remember me.

Spring comes with screams of anguish
Because it is much easier to die
Than to come alive again

Between me and you
This situation is dire,
This letter a cry for ceasefire
You wrapped my heart in wire, tripwire
I tried to walk away but it snapped, it set me on fire
What I would have given to have never tasted desire
Of a falsifier like The Killer’s messiah

My daddy doesn’t love me anymore
Because religion and I had a war
And I left out his front door

But you, I idealized you up on a pedestal
No wonder your love was inaccessible
And I was expendable
You seem to think I can handle silence
My mind is sounding sirens, sounding sirens
Do you read this and think compliance?

But I see you in corners of mirrors
In the faces of the drinkers
And in the reflection of liquors
Your name on the tail of their whispers
God  I swear everything here is a trigger
And you’re the killer

I’m not better than her
Or any of the others
What do you smoke more of?
Cigarettes or your lovers?

I remember
Sitting in that booth
Across from you
And knowing that I loved you.


Even though we hadn’t kissed
In over a year
Only brief embraces because
Our skin wasn’t each other’s
To touch anymore


I can’t even remember what we talked about
But what I know what we didn’t talk about
Our conversations tailored to fit around
The grievances


I only recall hiding behind my napkin
Because I had bit off more than I could chew
Just like when I fell in love with you


Soon we will be back in some booth
I’ll order water and coffee
Just like I always do
And I hope you remember
That I love you.

Soon
A memory of what you once thought you wanted
Right now
The memories keep following me like I’m haunted
Maybe
It was because it was only you who loved me when I felt unwanted
Really
Between you and me there is no one in this to blame
Because
All you and I do is play these pretty sounding word games
In the end
It didn’t fix the silence between us

that always came

When I was young I use to slap myself when my chubby fingers pressed one piano key too low

I would dig fingernails into my arm after each missed catch or askew throw

Because everyone cried at being loved by God I would think of my dead cat to squeeze out a few tears, so the fact that I didn’t have a God wouldn’t show

I wasn’t a sick kid
I was just a tree
that didn’t know how to lose its leaves

I couldn’t seem to slap or dig the mistakes out
so I dug out happiness from my skin

Stretched it out thin like many strings on a violin
and attached it to my shirt with a couple of safety pins

Letting people try to strum and make some music
but the tune of my strings didn’t ring smooth and therapeutic
and they ended up only giving me bruises

And even though the little girl has grown
she just continues to hold dead leaves
of mistakes she can’t seem to let go

Nothing new can grow
just more lines on the bark of her skin
years have, and will pass like this
and she will continue to become hollower within

I don’t always know what you think of our love
Or if I’ll ever learn
But I picture a two wick candle
set out to burn

I don’t know the depth of the wax

Or who’s wick will be the longest to last

All I see is the flame
So untamed
The light of the two wicks look one in the very same

The scent of everything
Happy and sad
Thoughts said and unsaid

I would turn my back to the sun
Watch our candle for eternity as my new one

I don’t know about you
But as long as I see our
Wicks in your eyes
It will always be you
I come to

I promised myself no more love letters
Because they’re just too much effort and never clever
But like my love for you I’m worried these poems will be around forever
I see all these men and their souls
He offers to make me happy and gave me his heart, whole
And it’s terrible because all I could do was console
His love-sick mind because of you
I’m stuck on you and your heart, you lovely black-hole

It’s ****** up because despite all these feelings
I can’t get over the idea and habit of concealing
I mean,
It’s funny how I think about this and everything else
every day, every day, every day
every **** way
But when I need to speak I don’t know what to say
How do I look at you and tell you
I no longer have good days
that no one ever stays
that there’s too much dirt in me to wash away

I can write it
But when I’m on the phone baby
I just can’t admit
my mouth becomes a tar pit
And the call just becomes static

You’re moving on
And all my calls and texts I know are starting to get frowned upon
But my love for you still bears down upon
I hate it because it’s you I still depend upon
And soon enough you’re going to be gone

I’m sorry for freaking
It’s just so much easier than actually speaking
I wish I could take your hand and you could just see my dreams
that I’m tryin’ to suppress with some greens
But beware, it’s all going to smithereens
So if you want to leave and never see me again then by all means

I understand
You live in the normal world, the holy land
and I’m stuck in no man’s
Just please don’t forget
Because you’ll always be worn on my chest
a drying, falling rosette.

Do not take her to the city
The building and lights she’ll see
Their stellar parallax no more
between you and such grandeur

Skyscrapers and your back
Bridges’ tracks and your fingers
Hungry people and the look in your eyes

She’ll fall in love with the city,
and she’ll fall in love with you

The city is her dream
In which you took part
Another tall building in her heart

You became to her
as eternal as this city, pure

Later on,
when you are gone
Because of the past
The city’s joy won’t last

Do not take her to the city
Its magic isn't meant for you
to use

Because soon,
she’ll love you, too.

I knew this girl
Who use to live for a God
But now had to find her own
meaning.
We all stood outside
Flicking dreams off our American Spirits
And there she was.

Scribbling on her cancerstick
She laughed and said
You write the moment on the killer
and smoke it away.

It’s a reminder
Everything is fleeting
And kills you in the end.

I think about her a lot.

Union Station
I remember the drunk man
Bellowing opera in the corner
And the train that flew under
Us on the windy bridge
How we circled the quiet halls
In the floors below
But now I’m here
And these moments have passed
The station has not lost its splendor
But simply isn’t full
There is beauty in the hollowness
Of cheekbones
And this place is just a skeleton

My piano sits against the wall

Hardly ever played at all

Things are stacked upon her mantle

Where once was music now just shambles

Creaking and clicking keys are everywhere

But no one seems to care

Who could love a piano untuned

My piano will fall apart soon

I look at her from far away

And my piano seems to say

*you too dear, are such a sight

for you see, you and I are just alike

I was a hot cup of water

Freshly set on the wooden table

You the sweet, dark leaves

That floated past the steam

The minutes pass

And though I became dark

I was so much more

Just you and me, sweet tea

But we cooled

You, spooned out

I, quietly drank

and

it

was

all

gone

How do you bear it,

My dear lady?

Staring across the table,

Watching that man shovel

Without a bit on your plate?

How are you sane?

My lovely friend?

Sitting on the couch

Hearing the slurp of his beer, the tenth?

With that dry worry on your lip?

How do you feel?*

My sweet mother?

As ugly words, waving hands

Swear at you and us?

My beautiful mom, mommy dear,

Do you even see or hear?