I wanted you close
but I pushed you away.

I wanted you forever
but you didn't stay.

I wanted to love you,
but broke your heart.

I warned you I was trouble from the start.

I wanted this love to never end
but it was over, before it began.

The things I desired most
were nothing but a joke.

For you to accept my faulty love was my only hope.

I am a  ******* child
make the men say ooh,
and the women wow.

I could even make the devil smile.

I was once God's child
but I've ran away,
lost my way.

I was a better person yesterday.

My emotions are mild
my feelings are wild,
I say nothing, but my presence is loud.

I too, can make the devil smile.

I met a new man
he left a run in the seam
of my knee highs

he's a good guy
keeps me warm and cozy inside
he thinks it's cute when I'm mad

he's tall, dark, and handsome!
I've even given him the house key
I call him Jim, others call him whiskey.

abandonment sleeps alone in my heart
but only a few inches away are we apart.

my heart beats sickly
it was ill from the very start.

with each breath it thumps
in my throat are lumps.

butterflies choke me as I try to speak
out the corner of my eye, I peek.

waiting for you to kiss me makes me want to hurl,
because I talk big, but I am still a shy little girl.

But bad boys, lust, and love,
are my only sins in this dark lonely world.

at night the pills hit me
like the wreck of train.

I smile, I recall your face
high as hell, but I remember your name.

I replay your sweet voice,
in my chaotic brain.

love is life for me,
but for you it's just a game.

no, it's not healthy
but it's keeping me sane.

Drinks at day,
pills at night.

it's all that gives me peace,
with them I don't have to fight.

Today I had three dates.

One was pretty,
the other needy,
the last greedy.

I did not get to see any.

I am not sure if I have any love left in me.
So, until then I am going to stay away.
But soon my lovers, I'll have more lies to tell, more flattery to say.

my nostrils burn
with the scent of poison

poison that burns my lips
and my lungs...

I only want peace.
I only want fun.

I pray. I stretch...
all that inner peace mess,
still nothing.

Now my insides are burning,
burning from the smoke I inhale
cigarettes are a taste of hell.

I feel myself growing small
as my problems shrink into the
darkness of my pitiful soul,

drowning away s    l   o    w   l    y    by this alcohol.